Mommydom ageplay – A first experience as Mommy

“Mommydom ageplay – A first experience as Mommy” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

My dear baby boy and I are on a kind of mini vacation, in a tiny KIP caravan. Our relationship is still new, we are still discovering each other, and this is our first vacation together. We laugh, we enjoy ourselves, we know each other’s desires. They seem to fit together seamlessly, but it’s still exciting. It’s new, both for him and for me. But despite the hesitation of discovery, I feel that it’s right. Provided I ignore that tiny voice in my head trying to gain a foothold with: “Isn’t Mommydom really crazy?”

I ignore the voice; my desire to “do” increasingly prevails the longer we are together. I want to let him “be.” In his entirety. I want to be his mommy because I want to love, care for, protect, and cherish him. On the one hand. Because on the other hand, this idea excites me enormously. Don’t ask me ‘why’, but the idea that he will be lying in his diaper, and maybe even pee in his diaper – for me – gives me an intensely exciting feeling. How great is his vulnerability and surrender, but also how seamlessly will that circle of perfection connect with us as ‘together’.

I’m just going to do it

I gather all my courage, it feels like a kind of ‘now or never’ and I’m afraid that if I don’t give in to it now, my hesitation will grow, even though I desperately want to share this experience with him. And that little voice doesn’t seem to want to keep quiet either. I decide to ignore it. I want to. And I’m going to do it. I try to turn off my rational mind, stop thinking, and just want to do it, guided by my feelings and desires. Immerse myself and him in the completeness of this moment.

Preparing the bath

As soon as he has zipped up the awning, I ask him to boil some water. I want to prepare a bath for him, but—due to the primitive conditions we find ourselves in—water must first be boiled for this. He carries out his task immediately—not that I would expect anything else from him—but he has no idea what awaits him. Perhaps I don’t fully know myself yet, although I have a rough idea of what I want to do. For the rest, I let my feelings be my guide.

Once the water has boiled, been poured into a basin, and mixed with cold water to reach a pleasant temperature, I ask him to undress. Completely. Meanwhile, I squirt some Zwitsal bath foam into the basin and mix it into a warm, foamy soapy water. My sweet baby boy is now sitting naked in front of me, kneeling as I like to see him. In his eyes, I see a little hesitation, but also his desire, excitement, love, and curiosity about what is to come.

Positive qualities

When I look at him, my heart automatically beats faster; he knows how to touch me deeply with his entire being. His presence makes me happy and brings out the most positive qualities in me. He makes me feel complete.

I dip a washcloth in the warm water and add some extra bath foam from the Zwitsal bottle. The room fills with the scent of babies and I slowly wash his body. Every time I wash a small part of him, I dry it carefully so that he doesn’t get too cold. It can get quite cold in the awning in the evening, and I don’t want him to be cold. On the contrary. I want to give him the warm feeling of safety and security. To be cherished. To be recognized that you are allowed to be there, that someone loves you intensely. More than love. And I have that for him, absolutely. Which is bizarrely fast considering our short time together.

I washed his body

Slowly, I washed his entire body. I can see in his eyes how much he is enjoying it. Of course, there is still a little hesitation, but I can also see how his eyes are shining more and more. When he stands in front of me so that I can wash and dry his legs more easily, I see him put his thumb in his mouth. He surrenders to the moment, he is allowed to be himself. I feel a warm sensation rush through my body. Or perhaps “warm” is an understatement. It’s more like “heat.” On the one hand, I enjoy the tender care, and on the other, I feel passion rushing through my body.

Actually, I would like to kiss him now, make love to him, but I don’t take any steps in that direction. Contrary to the intensity I feel rushing through my body, I let my hands glide gently over his body. Until he is completely washed and dried and standing in front of me.

Carefully and gently

Of course, I also wash his hair gently and rinse it until I can no longer see any foam between his strands. I dry his long hair with a towel and, as carefully and gently as possible, comb out all the tangles. I let my nose slide between his hair and inhale the wonderful scent of Zwitsal.

His thumb is back in his mouth and I melt with the happiness that shines from his eyes. He is so beautiful… and his energy touches me deeply. Straight to my soul.

Body lotion

Now that he is completely clean, I rub body lotion all over his body. I see how much he is enjoying it, I can see in his eyes that he is now completely ‘present’ and I feel what this does to me. The feeling of happiness is so overwhelming that I feel tears burning behind my eyes. The intensity is intense, for both of us, it seems, and I enjoy the moment immensely. However, I feel so many emotions coming loose inside me that they seem to take over for a moment. I try to push them away, I want to enjoy the moment and him.

In recent years, in order to survive, I have been able and dared to feel so little, and now I feel so much. Warmth, love, happiness. I find it indescribable. It also scares me. Scared of losing this again. If there is nothing to lose, there is no reason to be afraid. But when you are allowed to experience so much happiness, suddenly there is a lot to lose.

Moment of happiness

However, I don’t want to be distracted by that rollercoaster of emotions; I want to immerse myself in the moment of happiness. Surrender to it. No matter how difficult I find that, because it will make me vulnerable. Dependent. But when I look at him and see his beautiful surrender, I can’t help but immerse myself in the feeling of happiness and vulnerability. Just like him.

When he stands in front of me, completely clean and lotioned, I ask him to grab his diaper and his onesie. I see his eyes shine even more, it even seems as if little stars of happiness are floating out of them. It touches me deeply and maybe they are flying out of me too at that moment, it wouldn’t surprise me. I feel intensely happy.

When he comes back with his things, I see that he has also taken his pacifier and his soft cuddle blanket. He puts them in his mouth and looks so sweet. I melt at the sight.

A bit of a struggle

Changing a diaper while standing is not that easy. There is no changing table or table that can be used for this, so it’s a bit of a struggle. Still, I manage to get the diaper around his bottom. I think he’s beautiful. Beautiful in his smallness. I want to protect him, love him, care for him. I don’t want to think about whether it’s crazy anymore. Something that feels so good can never be crazy. It feels intense and so incredibly loving. When he stands there in his diaper, vulnerable to me, I feel how much I love him. Intensely. Now that his diaper is on properly, he can put on his onesie. A white onesie with blue bears. He is so beautiful…

The bathwater is pushed aside and he is kneeling in front of me again. His head rests on my lap for a moment and my hands gently stroke his hair. However, I’m not done yet. I want to brush his teeth, get him ready for bed. I grab the toothbrush and toothpaste and gently brush all his teeth. Meanwhile, I look into his eyes and see so much surrender and intense happiness. Or maybe that’s just a reflection of my own happiness.

Intensely connected

Never before have I felt so intensely connected to another person. It feels good. Better than good. It feels “just right.”

Once his teeth are brushed, I ask him to go to bed. I make sure I am ready for bed too, and as soon as I am done, I slide in next to him in the bed of the little KIP caravan. He is allowed to snuggle up to me, which he is only too happy to do. With his thumb in his mouth, he lies snuggled up to me, his arms around me.

I am overwhelmed by a feeling of tenderness when I look at him. But it is a confusing tenderness, because I also feel excitement and passion rushing through my body. I find it intense to distinguish all those feelings and emotions from each other and therefore find it difficult to pick one emotion to focus on in that enormous tangle of mixed feelings. It now seems as if the entire collection of feelings that can be found in the entire universe has gathered in my body.

Sparks and passion

Conflicting desires battle each other. On the one hand, the desire to love, cherish, feel safe and secure, and on the other hand, it all affects me deeply and I want to love him in a completely different way. To make love to him, let sparks fly, let passion flow, because that feeling is also being unleashed in me. I find it confusing. The setting is not conducive to passionate sex, but still…

I try to shut myself off from the heat of passion that rages through my body. Although I find it extremely difficult not to physically express the fury that rages within me. I want to love him so much in his entirety… More than love.

Fairy tale book

I pick up a storybook, a fairy tale book, and read him the story of Little Red Riding Hood. While reading, I gently stroke his wet hair. He lies curled up with his thumb in his mouth, listening. Although an overwhelming feeling of passion rages through my body, the atmosphere is serene. It seems as if the world has momentarily ceased its chaos and speed. In the little KIP, there is an atmosphere of peace and safety, love and security. A tiny speck in the vast universe, where nothing is required for a moment and where two people are allowed to be completely themselves. I feel complete.

Dear little boy…

After reading to him, I kiss him softly goodnight. “Sleep well, dear little boy.” We kiss each other softly and tenderly. New stars are still being born in his eyes, and it seems as if I can see the creation of the world in his eyes at that moment. It feels intense and beautiful. Pure and sincere. Just as every moment we spend together is experienced as pure and sincere. Before I close my eyes, I think back to the many moments we laughed together that day. There had been so many moments, perhaps even a succession of laughter. From gentle smiles to giggling together about nothing at all.

Then night falls and we drift away together into a dream world that seems closely connected to the reality we have experienced together, but is so beautiful that it overshadows every dream.

Mommydom makes him and me complete…

The next morning, I tell him to pee in his diaper. He finds it difficult; I can see his struggle. Of course it’s difficult, another step further, another step more dependent, another step more vulnerable. Still, I want to experience him in his purity when he does this for me. It takes a while, some twisting and turning, waiting, some extra water… but eventually the moment comes when he really can’t hold it in any longer. Just in time, I can put my hand on his diaper and feel it getting warm from his pee. The moment is complete…

…and I am complete. He is my other self. He is what I always knew had to exist, but which I had never been able to find before. He is my love. Not only my beautiful baby boy, but also my partner, my sweetheart, my happiness… and I thank heaven that I am allowed to be his Mommy.

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Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com