Review: (S)Experimenteren

"Review: (S)Experimenteren" was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

When I start the book (S)Experimenteren just before going to sleep, the night ends up lasting a bit later than planned. Marith Iedema has a pleasant and above all candid writing style, which pulls me into the book, complete with images. Early in the book she describes her visit to a Mistress in Amsterdam. With a smile I read about being locked in cages and having limbs sewn together. "Another form of bondage," I think straight away. "Nice idea! I'll try that on someone soon!" In the past I have sewn a cock shut and attached it to the belly, but sewing limbs together sounds appealing too.

What is (S)Experimenteren about?

Marith and Milan have a good relationship, but Marith misses some excitement in their sex life. As a sex journalist she sees plenty of exciting things around her, and she increasingly gets the idea that monogamy has a negative effect on the relationship. She decides to give Milan the freedom to fuck other women. At first, that does indeed give their own relationship a boost. They make love every day again and the original tingle and sparks are felt once more. But you actually know straight away that this is asking for the next step. Because once you start experimenting, it calls for more. That is just how people are. It is never enough; you always want to top that last amazing moment.

The next step

That next step is indeed taken when Milan indicates that Marith, too, gets the freedom to seek pleasure outside the home. From that moment on, everything seems to change. I don't want to say too much about that, because honestly, I think you should simply read the book yourself.

Candid

Sex is a subject that occupies all of us, but some people are more open about it than others. Most people keep their climaxes for the bedroom, while others share them with friends or even online with strangers. Marith, at any rate, knows how to write about it in a pleasant way, which is hardly surprising for a "sex journalist" who earns her daily bread that way. She writes a weekly column in Nieuwe Revu and is regularly a guest on radio and TV programmes. She talks about it easily, and her disarming manner seems to take away any shyness.

In any case, I found the book pleasant to read, as if you are looking over someone's shoulder, with a smile here and there and sometimes even a shudder. For example, her description of the sex cinema. Shivers ran down my spine. I never had any desire to go there anyway, but after reading her experience I am even more certain. Thank you, Marith, for describing this visit so vividly. I really don't need to see it with my own eyes. Never. Really. Never.

And the BDSM?

Is this book about BDSM? No, not directly. It covers all sides of sex, and BDSM is only one form of it. It is mentioned here and there, just like many other sides of sexual pleasure. Let me describe it as a "hint". The passages about "cuckold" did bring a smile of recognition to my face, though. Even though I had hoped for more, I still found the book worth reading.

A missed opportunity

I do think it's a pity that the passages about BDSM are described in a rather detached way. Like a list of facts without feeling or emotion. To me, too little effort is made to capture the experience behind the acts. It mostly remains a clinical list of facts. A missed opportunity, because from a journalist in particular I expect them to look for the story behind the story. For real emotions and feelings to be brought to the surface. Frankly, I miss that in this book. Even though Marith tries very hard to come across as open-minded, I still sense a certain judgement in the BDSM passages. Free sex is fine, lots of different ways of having sex are no problem either, but BDSM apparently remains a chapter of its own.

It's all about honesty

A bit of a missed opportunity, and I would love to talk to Marith about it myself, because this book is all about honesty, and that very honesty is an indispensable ingredient in BDSM. Only with honesty can you reach an intense BDSM experience and get under someone else's skin.
Honesty with each other about desires, fantasies, feelings and emotions, and seeing each other in them and even meeting each other halfway. That is the essential ingredient for anyone seeking the ultimate depth in a relationship. Honesty binds, always. It makes you the ultimate allies, and in my opinion that is exactly what Marith is searching for in her book...

Specifications

Title

Review - (S)experimenteren

Author

Marith Iedema

Publisher

Prometheus

ISBN

789044636208

Number of pages

256

Price

69,97 euro (E-book: 8,99 euro, Audiobook: 12,99 euro)

Available online

Bol.com

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text & photography: Mrs Moriah