What is Domspace, and does it actually exist?

“What is Domspace, and does it actually exist?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

You've surely heard the term "subspace" before, but have you ever heard of domspace? Because Dominants can experience their own unique form of ecstasy during a scene too. But what actually is domspace? What does it feel like, and how can you reach it?

The definition of Domspace

Domspace is a mental and emotional state that some Dominants experience when they focus completely on their role. Think of a combination of supreme focus, heightened self-confidence and a kind of overwhelming calm, but mixed with the powerful, sometimes intensely challenging emotions that come with being "in control". In contrast to subspace, where submission and letting go are often central, domspace is more about control, presence and connection.

Some people describe it as a kind of 'flow'. You're in a kind of perfect balance, where everything fits and every gesture, every word and every movement feels natural. It can almost feel as if time no longer exists; the experience is all that matters, and you are the one leading it completely. This intense focus and calm means that many Dominants feel completely in their element, almost like an artist who is totally absorbed in their work of art, with the subtle difference that this "work of art" is a person who voluntarily surrenders to them.

Okay, this sounds quite abstract and lofty, but I'm sure you get what I mean. It's a kind of euphoric feeling.

How do you get into Domspace?

Domspace isn't a button you press, and it isn't a guaranteed result if you perform certain actions. It is a product of chemistry, trust and a deep, instinctive connection with your sub. But there are a few elements that can help you reach it.

Firstly, preparation. Make sure you're comfortable with the techniques you're going to use and that you know how your partner will react. In fact, it's precisely this preparation that creates room for spontaneity and flow.

It also helps to be truly present, both mentally and emotionally. That means: phone off, no worrying about work or the shopping, just you and your sub, in the here and now. It sometimes takes a bit of practice to let everything go and step into the moment, but once you succeed, you'll often notice quite quickly that you are completely absorbed in the dynamic of the experience.

Domspace often arises when the chemistry between Dominant and sub is optimal and you trust each other completely. This is not a quick fix, but rather a development that comes as the relationship and trust grow. That is exactly why a BDSM experience becomes more intense the more often you see each other, and why I am averse to one-off play. I really don't enjoy that at all.

How does Domspace feel?

The feeling of domspace can vary, depending on the person and the experience, but some common sensations are: heightened self-confidence, intense focus and an almost magnetic connection with your sub. It's as if you enter a hyper-reality, where every touch, every gesture and every breath has meaning.

Some people describe it as a kind of self-empowerment: you feel powerful, in control and at the same time incredibly connected to your partner. You notice that your actions feel automatic and intuitive, that a single glance is enough to know what the next step is. It can even be a little addictive, this mental state of 'power', but then one that you carry out with care and love.

Domspace can also be quite exhausting. That intensity demands a lot of mental energy, and afterwards you can feel rather empty.

The magic of Domspace

Not every Dominant experiences it in the same way, and for some it never happens at all. But if you do experience it, it can be an incredible deepening of your BDSM experience. It feels powerful, connecting and challenging. It takes you to a place where you may not often see yourself, and it can deepen your relationship with your sub.

How do I experience it myself?

I don't know whether I truly experience Domspace myself, but I can get into a kind of flow during a BDSM experience. However, this depends on several things: the (energy of the) sub, the bond with the sub (the first times are always more about feeling each other out), hindering no-gos (which make me stay too much in my head) and my own energy at that moment. But when it all fits, even the daily pain (which I unfortunately experience every day) fades into the background. That can even linger for a while after the experience is over. Unfortunately it does eventually come back (with a vengeance), but that shouldn't spoil the fun.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com