Genuinely dominant! - From the diary of Mrs Moriah

“Genuinely dominant!“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

I'm looking for a nice guy for a friend of mine. She is submissive (within her BDSM experience), so I'm looking for a nice Master!* I thought: 'I'll sort that out in no time', but it turns out to be a bit trickier than expected. Of course I just want a nice guy for her. He doesn't need to have a six-pack (although it's allowed), he doesn't need to be a millionaire (also allowed) and he certainly doesn't need to be a Mr Grey (no, not that, brrrrr), as long as he is genuine, honest and dominant! And that's still quite a thing…

I only recently found out: I'm dominant!

Then I get, for example, an e-mail saying: '…. I recently discovered that I am dominant…'
I'm a visual thinker, so I try to picture something like that. He wakes up one morning and suddenly thinks: 'Blimey, I'm dominant!'... That thought makes me laugh so much. Dominant is not something you suddenly become or suddenly discover. You can't learn dominance. There is no workshop anywhere in the world that can teach you that. At a workshop you can learn certain techniques and tricks, you can even learn to shed your inhibitions, embrace your innate dominance and/or learn how to work safely and hygienically, but you can never learn how to become dominant. You are dominant or you are not. And most people simply aren't (and so never will be).

At odds with myself

The idea that you can learn it is completely contradictory to pure dominance. I can't imagine letting someone else, a film, a book, a speaker, an expert by experience or whoever tell me how I should live my Femdom. WTF? I'm averse to protocol and I like to set my own course. I've done that all my life, I don't need anyone else for that. My dominance doesn't come from someone else's words or images, it is innate, it is woven into every cell of my body. Even if I wanted to be different, I wouldn't manage it. I set my course and nobody else. I have taken workshops on things like needleplay, bondage techniques, fire cupping or electro, simply because I wanted to learn how to do this as safely as possible. That has nothing to do with dominance, only with technique and safety. I recommend that kind of workshop to anyone who wants to get started with these things without experience.

A bad trait

For a long time I saw 'dominance' as a really bad trait. I was often told it, mainly by ex-boyfriends. To me it sounded like an accusation or a reproach: 'Gosh, you are so dominant.' During my first Femdom relationship (from the age of 17 to 23) I still thought (because of other people's reactions) that I had to change and be less dominant. But well, I could resolve to do that, but of course it didn't work at all and it also made me really unhappy. I can pretend to be different for a little while, but I can't keep it up for long. In the end I want to be able to be myself and be accepted and appreciated as such by my partner.

Since my early childhood

So a friend once said to me: 'Moriah, you just need to find someone who suits you and doesn't see this trait as a problem.' And he was right…
I have experienced Femdom since my early childhood, I just never attached a label to it. I had never heard of Femdom or BDSM, I simply followed my own course and it was dominant, sadistic and kinky. A course that suits me. Born dominant. Genetically determined by my mother, who was also dominant. Not in a foot-stamping way, but simply calm and composed.

Subs do what I say because I can get inside them and sense well where their pain and need lie. I can balance on that edge, the edge between raw pain and desire. That is only possible if subs trust you, and that trust arises naturally, partly through a natural dominance. I don't need to do anything other than simply be myself. I don't need leather, latex or a whip for it either. It's just there. And I only use that whip because I enjoy it. After all, besides being dominant I am also sadistic. The more moaning and writhing, the more I enjoy it.

With a purpose

I don't torment and humiliate subs just for the sake of it. On the one hand it is my own balance (the more sadistic the better), but what I find most important is that subs transcend themselves. That, through a path of pain and humiliation, they grow in their being, bring out the best in themselves and can be full of self-confidence. That is the most beautiful thing about Femdom to me… The power you can use for this!

This also means, by the way, that not everyone can become my sub. Every day I receive messages from young and old, women and men saying that 'they would love to be my sub' or that they would 'like to be taken in hand by me'. Why would I want that with a stranger? I have to see something special in you that I want to bring into bloom. You have to be able to touch me, so that I find you worth getting inside and want to see that beautiful core of yours, so that I can play with it. I have to want to make time for you in my busy life. And you can't achieve that by throwing a handful of pixels at me.

For now I have my hands full with my own lovely, headstrong Alpha sub, and I am also getting to know a slave... and that is really more than enough!

* Are you a nice, dominant, single man? And are you interested in meeting a young woman (early 40s, curvy, blonde, expressive eyes, 2 young children)? Then send me an e-mail! Who knows, I might arrange a date for you!

Mistress Moriah

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© Image: Mrs Moriah