Some dreams stay dreams

“Some dreams stay dreams” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

There are subs - often men who have called themselves "searching" for decades - who have dreamed of that one moment all their lives. The meeting, the surrender, the transformation. They write about it, fantasise about it, talk about it, but when the chance finally presents itself, it "suddenly" turns out to be just a bit too nerve-racking. “I still need to think about it.” “I'm too busy.” “The timing isn't right.” And so the moment slips by, time and again.

I come across them regularly. Men in their fifties, sixties or seventies plus who email me to say they have longed "all their lives" for real surrender, or to finally dare to appear as a sissy. They send long, polished stories, full of details and yearning desires. And yet they never come. Not because they don't want to, but because the dream in their head is safer than reality could ever be. In their fantasy everything is perfectly directed: no shame, no fear, no smell of sweat or nerves. Only pure arousal. And as soon as it threatens to become real, that armour of illusion cracks open - and they run away.

The illusion of control

Fantasising gives you control. In a dream you can steer everything: you decide when it gets exciting, how it ends, how far you go. Reality is different. Real surrender requires letting go. Not being able to steer yourself any more, trusting another person. And for many people that is frightening. As long as it stays at the level of words, it is safe. But as soon as someone - like you or me - says: “Come on, I'll help you to really experience it”, panic sets in. Then come the excuses, the doubt, the “just waiting until it suits better”.

And somewhere I understand it too. The world of BDSM, of sissy play or female dominance, touches deep layers of identity, shame and desire. Many men carry that in silence all their lives. In their head it is sacred ground - and the idea of suddenly having to really set foot on it feels like sacrilege. The dream is safer than reality.

The eternal threshold

Over the years I have spoken to countless men who told me they "finally" wanted to take the step. I invited them, sometimes simply as a human invitation. No session, no payment, just the chance to be themselves. A conversation, an experience, a safe environment, a girls' shopping afternoon for an anxious sissy. But 99% don't come. And that is okay - not everyone is made for reality. It is only fair to acknowledge, though: if you have been waiting fifty years for the right moment, that moment probably isn't going to come.

What fascinates me is how people reassure themselves with postponement. “I'll do it next year.” “First I'll lose a bit of weight.” “When my wife is away on holiday.” But the moment that is supposedly “right” does not exist. Anyone who truly longs for something has to dare to jump - with all the risks that come with it.

The pain of unfulfilled fantasy

There is something sad in it too. Some subs get tangled up in their own dream world. They want to feel it, but not really experience it. They want to be touched, but not be affected. They send photos, write letters, collect outfits, but their deepest fear is that someone will one day say: “Okay, put that dress on, we're going.” Because then it suddenly becomes real. And real experience means: vulnerability, imperfection, uncertainty. That makes it frightening, but also beautiful. Yet many prefer to remain stuck in that safe in-between world - where the dream never hurts, but never comes true either.

The reality of surrender

Surrender is not only beautiful. It is also raw, confronting and real. Sometimes it hurts. Literally or figuratively. But it is precisely that authenticity that makes the difference. In a real session, with real emotions, there is no room for control. You can't direct how your body reacts or how your soul is touched. That is the magic of BDSM – and exactly why many dreamers never get there. Because it asks for something essential: trust. And letting go of the illusion that you determine how it goes.

Every time someone tells me he has been dreaming for years but “just can't right now”, I mainly see fear and self-protection. And yes, that is sometimes frustrating. But I also feel compassion. Because not everyone is able to expose their inner world like that. For me it is everyday business – I live in authenticity, in connection, in surrender. But for someone who has always learned to hide, that step feels like a chasm. Still, I sometimes think: you are missing out on so much beauty by staying at the edge.

Dreams are a beginning, not a destination

A dream is a signal. It shows you what you long for. But it is not meant to be cherished forever without action. Dreams are signposts, not holiday cottages where you retreat permanently. There comes a day when you have to say: enough thinking, now I'm going to do it.

For everyone who reads this and recognises themselves: perhaps today is that day. Perhaps it is time to stop polishing the dream and to live it. Because as long as you keep dreaming, you are only living half a truth.

Anyone who truly wants to live has to dare to jump. Not tomorrow, not when everything “is right”, but now. Life is too short to save your fantasies forever for an someday that never comes. And whoever takes that leap discovers something wonderful: that reality, with all its imperfections, is a thousand times more beautiful than any dream.

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com