The history of BDSMforyou – how a small site became a knowledge platform

“The history of BDSMforyou – how a small site became a knowledge platform“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

BDSMforyou never began with a big, carefully thought-out plan. It started small and simple, with one website: bdsmforyou.nl. I wanted to create a place where I could explain various BDSM terms and aspects. Really because I had been looking for exactly that myself at the time and hadn't found it - we're talking about quite a few years ago, of course, because the site has now existed for about 13 years. I also thought it was important to write reviews, because everything seemed to be one big 18+ sweet shop, but the "sweets" were rarely explained in terms of application and safety. Fortunately, this has improved over the years.

What I didn't yet know thirteen years ago is that this small need for information would grow into something much bigger.

From scattered information to coherence

Gradually, something changed. Readers wanted more depth. Not just: what is this? but also: why does this work the way it does? and how do you do this safely? I noticed that individual terms didn't stand apart from one another. That BDSM isn't a collection of acts, but a coherent whole of dynamics, psychology, trust and communication.

The site grew along with those insights. Articles became more extensive. Reviews became more than opinions; they became educational. And more and more in-depth and inspiring articles appeared. In both Dutch and English. The site now has well over 1,800 published articles. And the end is not yet in sight.

The realisation: knowledge needs to be preserved

At a certain point I realised that a lot of knowledge in BDSM is fragmented. Or disappears. Or is explained wrongly again and again. And I thought that was a shame. Not only for beginners, but also for people who have been on this path for longer and keep running into the same misunderstandings.

That is how the idea arose for something that didn't really exist yet: a BDSM encyclopaedia, which has since been rebuilt into the BDSM Lexicon app. Not just a list of (no fewer than 750) terms, but a serious work of knowledge. With definitions, explanations, context, safety and interconnections. A place where you can learn and look things up. That idea grew out of necessity, because good information turned out to be scarce. The app is now fully available in Dutch and English, and will soon also be readable in German, French and Spanish (though I'm still busy with that).

From sharing knowledge to connecting knowledge: Pro Domme Society

Over the years I noticed that there was still quite a lot to be gained within the professional BDSM world. There are an incredible number of good, experienced and dedicated professional Dominants, but everyone mainly works on their own little island. Whereas I believe we can learn so much from each other. Not only in terms of techniques, but also when it comes to safety, professionalism, running a business and the challenges you face as a professional Domme.

With that thought in mind, I started the Pro Domme Society. A private network for professional Dominant women, centred on sharing knowledge, mutual support and quality. A place where women can meet, exchange experiences and help each other move forward. Because however independently we do our work, that of course doesn't mean we have to figure everything out on our own.

This project, too, is now well under way. With meetings, contacts between members and all kinds of plans for the future. And the lovely thing is that I don't have to do this alone, because other fantastic Dominant women who share my enthusiasm are now involved.

The Pro Domme Academy: a new generation of professional Dominants

And then came the next thought. Because how do you actually become a good professional Domme? Anyone can call themselves a Mistress and, in principle, start offering paid sessions tomorrow. It is, after all, a free profession. But that of course doesn't mean you automatically have the right knowledge, skills and sense of responsibility.

There are all kinds of workshops and courses where you can learn specific BDSM techniques, but I missed a training that went further. A training in which you don't just learn how to handle a whip or tie someone up, but which also pays attention to building a professional practice. How do you deal with clients? How do you recognise risks? What do you do when a session goes differently than expected? How do you guard your own limits? And how do you make sure someone can surrender to you safely?

That is why I began developing the Pro Domme Academy. A comprehensive one-year training for new professional Dominant women, in which theory and practice come together. With its own app, a complete training programme, live workshops, monthly Zoom meetings and a great deal of practical information about setting up and running your own practice.

The training covers not only BDSM techniques and the psychological aspects of dominance, but also safety, hygiene, communication, running a business and professional responsibility. There is also plenty of room for personal development, because ultimately every Domme has to discover her own style and identity.

It is an enormous project, and an incredible number of hours have already gone into it. But I also consider it one of the most beautiful developments so far. Because with this Academy I hope to pass on my knowledge and experience to a new generation of professional Dominants. Not because everyone should do it my way, but because I think it is important that women begin this special profession well prepared and with sufficient knowledge.

The Moriah App: a year under my wing

And then there is of course another project that is especially close to my heart: the Moriah App. Perhaps one of the most personal projects I have ever developed.

In recent years I regularly received messages from submissives who wanted to learn more about their submission, but had no Dom to guide them. People who needed structure, depth, tasks and a bit of personal development. And people who perhaps couldn't or didn't want to share their submissive feelings with those around them at all.

That is how the idea arose to develop a digital slave training. Not a simple programme with a few tasks, but an intensive journey of no less than 365 days. A whole year in which submissives are challenged every day to reflect on their feelings, their behaviour, their limits and their development. With knowledge, practical tasks, reflections, discipline, personal assessments and even a digital version of me who is available day and night.

Developing this app cost me an enormous amount of time. Every task, every text and every step in the training was shaped with care and love. I wanted the app to genuinely add something to the lives of the people who use it. That they get to know themselves better and perhaps also discover sides of themselves they hadn't seen before.

The first users have now begun their training and the first experiences have come in. You can read them on the page What members say about the Moriah App. It remains special to see that something that once existed only as an idea in my head is now actually being used and appreciated by others.

And yes, I can really enjoy that immensely.

And meanwhile the ideas keep coming

Sometimes I wonder where I find the time. Because alongside all these projects I still write articles for BDSMforyou, develop teaching materials, give workshops, enjoy lovely experiences with my piggies and keep working on expanding and improving existing projects. And as if all that weren't enough, new ideas keep coming, such as the Kinky Advent Calendar and the Kinky Dice Game. Perhaps no wonder that my left shoulder is now due for replacement.

The remarkable thing is that all these developments can ultimately be traced back to exactly the same need with which BDSMforyou began thirteen years ago: making good, understandable and reliable information available. It's just that the possibilities for doing so have become much greater.

Where I used to write an article to explain a certain term, I can now develop a complete training. Where I once wrote a review to help someone make a safe choice, I can now offer a whole year of guidance. And where I used to mainly share my own experiences, I now also try to connect others with one another and to preserve knowledge for the future.

I never had the ambition to build a whole BDSM empire (as some jokingly call it). In fact, if someone had told me thirteen years ago what I would be busy with today, I would probably have laughed heartily.

But apparently that is how it works when you throw yourself into something heart and soul. One idea leads to another, you keep discovering what is still missing, and before you know it, you're building again.

And for the time being, I am far from done building.

A platform that grew bigger than intended

Without it ever being the original intention, BDSMforyou is growing into a broad knowledge platform. With blogs, podcasts, books, workshops and the Lexicon. Everything was built step by step, out of experience and often without knowing exactly where it would end.

When I look back now at that very first beginning, at that one simple site with terms and reviews, I can honestly say: I could never have predicted this. That BDSMforyou would grow into a platform that is read, consulted and used as a reference by so many people. And that soon I will even be able to enjoy my own Kinky-contentstudio.nl, which has been designed entirely stylishly and to my own taste. My sub spent a few years - blood, sweat and tears - renovating it.

And yes, I'm secretly a little proud of that.

Not because it has become big, but because it has remained substantive. Because it was built with care, passion and an enormous amount of love. Because it continues to stand for quality, safety and loving BDSM. And because it shows that something that starts small can grow into something valuable – if you feed it with knowledge, attention and integrity.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com