The Paradox of Discipline; the D in BDSM

“The Paradox of Discipline; the D in BDSM“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

The D in BDSM stands for Discipline. A 'role play' in which the Top always dominates the bottom. (Teacher/pupil, Dominant/submissive or Master/servant). The naughty role is usually the bottom's, so that he can be taught discipline. It is about training and educating the submissive by a Dominant, where the submissive follows the Dominant's tasks or orders. A submissive longs for these boundaries and could even end up becoming a kind of addict to them.

Often this involves a combination of mental discipline such as humiliation, domination and manipulation, and physical discipline such as clamps, spanking, weights, et cetera.

Discipline is more than just strict rules

If you think discipline is only about giving orders and enforcing rules, you are mistaken. We often immediately think of restrictions, of what is forbidden. But that picture of discipline is only one side of the story. Discipline is also about freedom. Sounds contradictory? Understandable, but the point is that discipline can give you the space to enjoy, without guilt, the things that are allowed and that you may genuinely love.

When (a little) structure is imposed (by someone else or by yourself), you avoid getting stuck in chaos. It helps you finish things, so that you have time left for spontaneous things. Discipline is therefore not meant to nail down your life completely, but rather to make sure you can do what you really want without constantly living in a haze of procrastination or restless thoughts. Or getting lost in daily distractions and stimuli (mostly in pixels).

Beyond intentions

Discipline is about more than your intentions; it is about action. Often the idea is there, the will too, but the execution… sometimes gets stuck. This is where a wonderful role for the Dominant can lie. By holding you to agreements and setting disciplinary measures against them, he or she can let the sub grow, even rise above themselves. A path that the sub might not have been able to walk alone.

Discipline does not necessarily get easier as you get older, or stronger if you train it daily. A Dominant in your life can make a positive contribution to enforcing agreements and help you grow in this. Discipline is like a muscle: the more often you use it, the stronger it gets. And yes, sometimes it is simply boring. Nobody wants to get up at five in the morning for a walk, certainly not when it is raining. But once you have done it, the satisfaction is greater than the effort. This creates a positive feedback loop: every time you do something even though you don't feel like it, you make it a little easier for yourself the next time.

Can discipline be learned?

Some people seem to be naturally blessed with it – they get up at sunrise, run five kilometres before breakfast, and still have energy left afterwards to answer their emails and prepare a healthy breakfast. For the rest of us, discipline feels more like an impossible hurdle, something you will never be any good at.

Yet discipline can be learned and/or improved by anyone. It is mostly about small steps and a bit of self-compassion. Start with a small habit that you can keep up every day. That can be something as simple as making your bed every morning or doing five minutes of breathing exercises. By not putting too much pressure on yourself and focusing on one small, achievable habit, you build self-confidence. The more often you do that small thing, the easier it becomes to take on other things as well.

Dopamine addiction

Did you know there can be something liberating in boredom? In our current world full of constant stimuli, discipline is sometimes exactly what you need to find calm and focus on the essentials.

Once you break the constant stream of dopamine push notifications and social media updates, space opens up for something new. You will see that those boring moments can offer a kind of break in your busy schedule. And if you persevere a little, you even start to look forward to those moments of 'boring' routine. They become your anchor in a world that never seems to stand still. A good Dominant makes use of this and puts you on the right track, with your nose pointing in the right direction. You still have to walk yourself, but she can be there to correct you (firmly) when you stray from the path. Not to bully or tease you (although that can sometimes be really fun too), but to bring out the best in you.

Have you ever looked at the D in BDSM this way? Or did you immediately associate it with unfounded hitting for the sake of hitting? A good Dominant hits for a reason, and those reasons can be different for everyone...

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com