A tribute to Tom Verhoeven and Bert Wibo within BDSM

“A tribute to Tom Verhoeven and Bert Wibo within BDSM.” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Sometimes you have to stand still for a moment to see who has been walking beside you all along
Within the BDSM scene, a lot of attention goes to the visible players, such as seductive Mistresses and tough subs. To people who know how to profile themselves or who have (whether of their own accord or not) ended up on a pedestal. In itself that is understandable, because visibility naturally draws the eye. But meanwhile there are also people who have been faithfully standing in their place for years. Not to show themselves off, but to carry the scene itself. People who connect, even when no applause follows.

This blog is such a moment of standing still; simply because it is high time. Time to put two men in the spotlight who are of immeasurable value to the Dutch BDSM scene, for me and for many others with me.
Tom Verhoeven of BDSMradio and Bert Wibo of the MASSAD.

What they do is often taken for granted. As if it is all perfectly normal. And as if it will always stay that way. But nothing is a given. Certainly not in a scene that is vulnerable; that is precisely where people are needed who keep standing.

Passion is not a licence for invisibility

There is a persistent misunderstanding that passion is enough. That if someone does something with love, it needs no recognition. That appreciation only belongs with commercial success or visible power. But passion costs energy. Passion takes time. It demands sacrifices.

Both Tom and Bert have been investing structurally in the scene for years. Not occasionally, but consistently. With everything that comes with it. Organisation, responsibility, criticism, hassle, doubt, worries. You don't do that because it is easy and earns money. You do it because you believe in something. And that is exactly why appreciation is not a luxury, but a necessity to make visible that this work matters. That it is seen. Because it doesn't happen by itself.

Tom Verhoeven and the voice of BDSM

BDSMradio is not a self-evident platform. Quite the opposite. Everything to do with BDSM is difficult. With hosting providers, with platforms, with regulations. And that is precisely where the strength of what Tom Verhoeven does lies. Within BDSMradio, Tom does not fulfil the role of figurehead or authority, but of connector. Of someone who time and again creates space for conversations that get no place elsewhere.

Making a radio programme about BDSM takes more than a microphone and a good voice. It takes constant alertness. It also takes a strong backbone, because openness about BDSM still meets resistance and closed doors. And regularly sudden blockades.

Staying on air

What many people don't see is how often Tom has to reinvent how he can keep broadcasting. Because doors close. Because rules are suddenly interpreted differently as soon as the word BDSM comes up. There is no fixed path or safe structure. He has to keep improvising, adapting, rethinking. Coming up with yet another solution again and again just to keep the platform on air at all.

And he does all of this largely out of his own pocket. Without any guarantee that the next broadcast can even go ahead. The balance between what it costs and what it brings in is lopsided. Financially, practically, emotionally. Yet he keeps doing it. And that is exactly why BDSMradio is more than a broadcast. It is a place where BDSM is approached as what it is: a living culture with depth, differences and stories.

That Tom has kept this up for years, despite everything working against him, is a conviction that deserves to be seen.

Bert Wibo and the MASSAD

Where Tom mainly gives BDSM a voice, Bert Wibo makes sure that something tangible remains. The MASSAD has been a fixture within the scene for years. Something you can hold, reread, keep. In a time when everything is fleeting and gone after a single scroll, Bert deliberately chooses to take BDSM seriously on paper too.

That is not an easy choice. Magazines sell less and less. People have grown used to free content, to everything online, to information you can pull in with one click without paying for it. At the same time printing costs are rising, print runs are becoming more expensive and the risk only increases. Publishing a BDSM magazine is, these days, not a logical step; it is a headstrong and courageous one.

By the grace of new subscribers

What many people don't realise is that a magazine like the MASSAD can only exist by the grace of new subscribers. Not because profit is being made, but because it is simply necessary to keep printing. No readers, no magazine. It is that simple. And in a society where “free” has become the norm, that is a hard reality.

On top of that, the MASSAD is not just any magazine. Behind every edition lies an enormous amount of work. Writing texts, selecting images, coordinating with contributors, design, distribution. You may not realise all that work when you open the magazine. You only feel it when it is no longer there. Bert has carried that responsibility for years. Without chest-beating. Without loud self-promotion. Simply by doing what is needed, time after time. The MASSAD is not a hype, not a trend that drifts along with whatever is popular at the moment. It is an anchor point within the scene. And such anchor points have become rare.

The quiet forces behind a living scene

What connects Tom and Bert is not only their dedication, but also their attitude. Neither seems to need honour or status. They do what they do because they believe in its importance. Because they see what it brings people. But it is precisely that modesty that means they are mentioned too little. And that is something we, as a scene, should be critical about. Because a healthy community also takes care of those who carry it. Of the people who keep standing when others drop out.

Expressing appreciation is important. It shows that we see what is happening and who carries it. But appreciation alone does not keep a platform, a radio station or a magazine afloat. Words are nice, support is necessary. If we think it is important that initiatives like these continue to exist, that takes more than approving nods or a compliment from the sidelines. It also calls for a concrete contribution. A donation. A subscription. Giving something back to people who have been investing in the scene for years, often getting nothing - or barely anything - in return.

Don't take it for granted that they will keep giving. Actively contribute yourself too. That is not a favour, it is taking responsibility for the scene you are a part of yourself.

Why this is not advertising but recognition

This blog is not a sales pitch, not an advertisement and not a marketing campaign. It is a call for recognition. A conscious moment of appreciation. Within BDSM we talk a lot about consent, about care, about aftercare. But appreciation is part of that too. Seeing each other, recognising each other.

That Tom and Bert do this out of passion does not make it less valuable. It makes it all the more precious. Because passion without recognition can fade. And that would be a loss for all of us.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com