Femdom lady - From the diary of Mrs Moriah

“Femdom lady“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Someone asked me that recently. ‘What does Femdom mean to you?’ Good question. I don't even know if I can just give an answer to that off the cuff. It's mostly a feeling, something self-evident, an acceptance of my whole being. Perhaps because my mother was a Femdom lady through and through. My father did everything for my mother. I know no different. This is what I'm used to, how I grew up.

Serious boyfriend

When I was sixteen I got my first serious boyfriend. He was 5 years older than me, and at that age that is quite a considerable age gap. Yet we didn't notice much of it. My boyfriend did everything for me and I thought that was no more than normal. When I called, he came immediately. Even if he was two floors up and I was downstairs. Even if he was busy with something. He just came. Because I called, and I found that perfectly normal. So did he, apparently, because I never forced it. It just went that way.

Tormenting

I also enjoyed tormenting him. I had never heard of BDSM, or of Femdom. It simply came from within me. I hit him (in the face), spat on him, pinched him, pulled his hair, tied him up and put a blindfold over his eyes. Not because I had seen it somewhere or heard about it. I just did it because I enjoyed it. And apparently so did he, because he never pushed back. But we had never heard of Femdom, and the internet didn't exist yet. At least not in the way we know it now.

I was really open to discussion and I always involved him in decisions about important things. Discussion is fine, as long as it ends in ‘Yes, Moriah’. And I got my way. And I found that perfectly normal too.

Until

Everything was going well and you'd almost say: ‘And they lived happily ever after…’ Perhaps that could have been an option, but my relationship had no happy ending. Because at a certain point other people started to interfere in our relationship and said things to me like: ‘Goodness, you treat him like a slave! You can't do that.’ Or ‘Wow, when you call, he jumps to attention straight away, that's not normal.’ And so doubt crept in… I was young. I had no experience with other people. This was normal to me, but apparently others didn't think it was normal… Was I not normal?

Changing

So I tried to change. Not because I was unhappy, not because my partner was unhappy, but because others apparently thought we had to be unhappy. But the sweeter and less dominant I became, the unhappier I got. We got married and the only thing I felt was: ‘I can't do this any more.’ So after three months of marriage I decided to end the relationship and get divorced. I was 23 years old and a divorced woman, and I had no idea why I was no longer happy.

Relationships

Quite a few relationships followed. I was searching for an ultimate form of bond, something I was sure had to exist, but I couldn't find it. Again and again I ended the relationship because I couldn't find the raw depth I was looking for and I wasn't happy. Waiting on someone hand and foot wasn't something I could do. It was a deep feeling inside. A yearning, a need… and apparently nobody could fulfil that need. Until…

Femdom

Until I met a sub and he began asking me questions about BDSM and Femdom. And the more questions he asked and the more I thought about the answers, the more my blood began to boil. The heat raced through my body. Recognition. Pure recognition and finally acknowledgement of my feeling, my passion, my being. I wasn't crazy and I wasn't alone either! There were others like me. Dominance is not a curse, not a dirty word, not a deviance and not abnormal. It is something that belongs to me, hand in hand with sadism. I am dominant and sadistic and I am allowed to be who I am… Accepting these traits finally made me whole again.

...and then the world opened up to me again. It was as if I had been holding my breath all those years and could suddenly breathe freely again. What a joy to be able to be, and to be allowed to be, who and what you are...

So you understand that Femdom and BDSM mean a great deal to me. It is my conviction, my strength, my pleasure, my passion, my ultimate self-acceptance, my wholeness and the reason I breathe...

But well, just try explaining that...

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Image: BDSMforyou