Femdom – What is it? A BDSM experience or lifestyle?
“Femdom – What is it? A BDSM experience or lifestyle?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.
If you’re into BDSM, you’ve probably come across this term before. Femdom stands for Female Domination. The term pretty much says it all, because Femdom is about women being in charge, based on the idea that women are biologically and/or spiritually superior to men.
The terms “female supremacy” or LFA (Loving Female Authority) are also sometimes used, but they mean the same thing. The woman is everything, the man is nothing. Within Femdom, men are dominated by women. How this happens depends greatly on the sum of both. For some, it can take very extreme forms in the form of a TPE relationship, while for others, this ‘way of life’ is only subtly present.
For me, Femdom is the purest game of power and surrender.
Slaves
The submissives within Femdom are often referred to as slaves, but you could just as easily call them subs, pigs, nobodies, property, losers, followers, sluts, or whatever else she likes. After all, she determines what his role should be and what she wants to call him. At least, within the Femdom experience. If you experience this within a relationship or marriage, it is perfectly possible to have an equal relationship outside of the experience, with Femdom only being experienced during the BDSM experience. This also differs in every relationship. In other cases, the inequality will always be noticeable. In fantasy, this probably sounds extremely exciting, but you have to be very confident to be able to make this a reality.
The slaves within Femdom long for the feeling of wanting to be “nothing.” Only to serve her in various areas. They trustingly place responsibility and power in her hands. This can take the form of servitude, pampering, humiliation, but of course also by wanting to suffer for her. Everything revolves around her happiness. At least, that’s how it seems, because of course the slave also derives pleasure, excitement, and/or enjoyment from this experience. Femdom is also a game played together, and not a one-person party for the Lady.
Femdom Mistress
Just as there are a thousand and one names used for the submissives, the same applies to the Dominant ladies. They are called Femdom Mistress, Mistress, Dominatrix, FemDomme, Mommy, Princess, Goddess, Lady, Boss, (Body) Owner, Domina, Goddess, and much more. My sub, for example, calls me “Darling,” but he does so outside of the experience as well. After all, I am and always will be his “darling,” no matter what he has to do for me. If he were to call me “Mistress,” the purity of the experience would be compromised and it would become more of a game. And for us, it’s not a game, it’s an intense way of being together, out of love and in a way that makes us both happy. It’s also the ultimate way for us to get close to each other again, despite the hectic pace of everyday life. During a BDSM experience, it’s almost as if you’re crawling into the other person’s body and mind. It’s almost impossible to get closer to each other than during such a moment.
Power and control
The Femdom Lady derives her pleasure from the power and control she has over her slave. She will also enjoy seeing him suffer. She is probably not only naturally dominant, but also sadistic. I speak for myself here, but I can intensely enjoy seeing my sub suffer. I love his red welts and his surrender makes me melt. My sub does not like pain, but derives pleasure from seeing me enjoy myself. And yes, I enjoy torturing him, his moans and writhing. At those moments, I only love him more.
In fantasy or Femdom sites, Femdom ladies are usually depicted in tight leather, high heels, or sexy latex. Of course, that’s not what it’s all about. A Femdom experience can be just as intense when you do it in your home clothes, jeans, or barefoot. On the other hand, this type of clothing can also have an amplifying effect on both sides. It suddenly becomes clear what is expected of both parties. But with or without exciting clothing, it ultimately always comes down to the energy that emanates from both parties and a shared vision of being able to find each other in a certain way. Each wanting to meet the other from their own experience, as pure acceptance of each other’s “being.” Both different, together one whole.
TPE
You can extend Femdom to a TPE relationship, a type of relationship in which she decides everything. After all, the sub is nothing. She decides everything, from how the money is spent to, so to speak, what time the sub has to go to bed. This can take extreme forms and in the fantasy it probably sounds excitingly raw and pure in some way, but would you really want to sleep on the floor next to her bed every day? Want to be treated like a dog and settle for crumbs? Only a few people are capable of this, but for the majority, Femdom is limited to certain moments or to a subtle thread running through the relationship.
And that’s fine. Everyone colors their own pictures; there is no right or wrong way, there is only one way to experience it intensely, and that is the way that suits you.
When I talk about BDSM, I sometimes refer to it as the pure blueprint of “togetherness.” With every other partner, that experience can suddenly become very different. That’s why it’s important not to turn it into a play with rules made up by others because you think that’s how it should be. Nothing should be. You determine your own game, and what others do is their game. Don’t try to copy that, because it will be at the expense of the intensity of your experience.
Without visible domination
Without TPE (where T stands for Total, so it’s really an “all or nothing” situation), the Lady can still be pretty much in control without it being visible domination. For example, my sub has a camera in his living room, which allows me to follow exactly what is happening there via my smartphone when I happen to be away. He also knows that I regularly check his phone to see if he has been good and has not been cheating with other women. Our days always start with him kissing my feet. He won’t get out of bed until he does. If he ever forgets, there are painful consequences for him.
In addition, I naturally monitor his chastity. He can’t do anything without me, not cum, not play with himself, nothing. His cock is mine and I decide what happens to it. Or not.
Power and surrender
Femdom is an experience of power and surrender. But where does the ultimate power lie, who decides? Because it is a game of “together.” She cannot go further than the sub can handle mentally or physically. So who has the ultimate power? Boundaries can be explored, sometimes even pushed a little, but in the end, there is always a natural boundary that you have to deal with. Incidentally, this applies not only to the sub’s boundaries, but also to the Dominant’s boundaries. Perhaps the sub has a fantasy that goes too far for the Dominant. It is important to always keep talking about this together, because it is important to always stay true to yourself and not do things that you may feel bad about later because you have crossed an important boundary.
It’s all about trust, and once that is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild.
Topping from the bottom
Have you ever heard of the term “topping from the bottom”? The term means that the sub – for example, through manipulation – ultimately determines what will happen. This can seriously disrupt a pure experience. Personally, I think this is slightly different from a ‘rebellious sub’… and there are different degrees of this too. I myself have a fairly dominant sub (and I wouldn’t want it any other way), who can definitely ‘rebel’, at least in the eyes of others. I myself have a different opinion about this. This ‘rebellion’ mainly happens when he has not yet fully immersed himself in his feelings, in order to descend into himself and the moment. He needs time to get out of his head and be able to lose himself in the here and now. I can see it in his eyes, I can see exactly when he has descended into his surrender to me. From that moment on, I can take him deeper and deeper into the feeling of ‘nothingness’. But that is only possible once he has been able to shed his daily façade. He needs this ‘rebellious behavior’ to do that, and it takes time; there is no switch on him.
Yes, I accept that!
During Femdom parties, I sometimes see people looking (or even saying it out loud!), with a look that says, ‘You put up with that??’ Yes, I put up with it. In fact, sometimes it makes me laugh. On the way to that intense surrender, we have fun. We laugh with and at each other. I can also laugh about it because I know that in his experience there will come a moment of transition, and from that moment on he will do everything I say and want. And until that moment, he is allowed to try to shake off his daily attitude in this world in his own way. Sometimes this can be done with a snap of the fingers, and sometimes it takes him a little longer. And no, that’s not a problem, and I don’t care what others think about it. After all, it’s about our experience and not that of others.
Femdom and BDSM
For most people, Femdom is a lifestyle, so you may wonder whether it is actually a BDSM term. Opinions will differ on that too. It doesn’t matter, it’s about the experience you have together, whatever name it goes by. Not everything has to be pigeonholed.
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Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com
