Fighting digital dogmas - Why I sometimes almost give up (but carry on anyway)

"Fighting digital dogmas - Why I sometimes almost give up (but carry on anyway)" was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Definition of dogma
A dogma is a fixed belief or conviction that is regarded as absolute truth, often leaving no room for doubt, nuance or discussion. It hinders critical thinking and excludes dissenting views.

Fighting digital dogmas

Sometimes it feels as if I am fighting the wind, or invisible walls. Fighting algorithms that don't (want to) see me, rules that punish me for no reason (Facebook is particularly good at that), systems that push me away because I dare to talk about something that falls outside their safe, neat frameworks: BDSM. And I don't mean the hardcore porn you can find everywhere with a simple search term. No, I'm talking about the loving, conscious, safe and deeply human side of BDSM. The side that is rarely seen. And apparently isn't allowed to exist.

Because that is what it is: a constant battle against incomprehension. Against prejudice. Against platforms that flag you as 'dangerous' when all you are doing is sharing information. And that can leave you feeling powerless. Because every day I put my soul into this mission. But when even an SEO plugin refuses to support my work because I fall under the category 'adult', while I write my texts with more care than many a "blogger" or "influencer"… then I sometimes ask myself: what am I actually doing this for?

BDSM is not a porn category. It is a way of life.

There are people who still think only of leather masks, whips and grim dungeons when they hear the word BDSM. People who have no idea about the gentle hands behind the rope. The intense conversations before and after a session. The tears of liberation, the silence of trust, the intensity of complete surrender. They think: rough sex. I think: healing.

Yet time and again I am pushed into that box. TikTok deletes my account. Facebook blacklists me. Plugins block my licences. Even when I stick neatly to all the rules. Because I don't post nudity where it isn't allowed. No sexual acts. And still I am guilty; without a trial, until proven otherwise. And although the measures are sometimes reversed later, the bitter aftertaste remains. Because what does that say? That my voice is unwanted, or actually that it is "our" voice. That the content is suspect and that my mission - however loving - has to give way to the commercial morality of what is 'decent'.

Guilty until proven otherwise

What perhaps touches me most is how self-evident it is that I have to prove, again and again, that I am NOT in the wrong. That I do NOT sell sex. That I do NOT spread porn. That I do NOT promote unsafe content. I write about safety. About boundaries, communication, respect, consent, even first aid. But because it falls under the heading "BDSM", I fall outside the accepted spectrum. Because I normalise BDSM. Because I dare to say that pain can be healing, that humiliation can be safe, that surrender is powerful and that love doesn't always have to be soft to be real and loving.

And that is precisely what seems to be the real threat. Not the whip, but the nuance. Not the bondage, but the connection. Not the act, but the substance.

Digital platforms are not as free as they pretend to be

We live in a time when everyone shouts 'freedom of expression' or 'freedom of speech', as long as that expression or opinion stays within the lines. As long as it's Instagrammable. As long as it fits within the wafer-thin margins of what advertisers find pleasant. And BDSM? It doesn't fit. Too complex, because unknown makes unloved. So it is ignored, blocked or, at best, tolerated.

By now I know how the process goes. You write a blog with care, nuance, love. You check the guidelines. You post. You grow. Until suddenly: boom. Gone. Shadowban. Limited reach. Account gone. Or - even more absurd - a plugin that refuses to activate for you because your site is 'adult'. Without anyone having read a single line.

And yet I keep writing

Because I know what BDSM can mean to people. I have been privileged to see it so often in growth and in full acceptance of who we are. I have seen tears of liberation appear on cheeks. Seen masks fall. Seen shame dissolve into respect. And all because someone dared to kneel - literally or figuratively - in a safe space where everything was allowed to be. Where nothing was strange. Where contact was real again. And sadly, that last thing is not something you come across all that often any more in "the real" world. Real contact...

I keep writing for those people. For the seekers, the doubters, the shame-ridden, the dreamers. For everyone who ever thought: "I'm different, but maybe that's not a bad thing." It would help, though, if the information could be found, and that is sometimes quite difficult with all these penalties and bans.

Why BDSMforyou is not a porn site

BDSMforyou is an information platform. A place where knowledge is shared, experiences may be discussed, safety comes first and where BDSM is not reduced to a gimmick but recognised as a way of life. I write about psychology, medical risks, experience, consent, mental processes. I give workshops and training courses, develop teaching materials, coach people. And that is not about being horny, it is deadly serious.

And yes, of course it may sometimes be arousing too; arousal can be an important driving force that you can use to move forward. But that is also true of a tantra massage, a sensual dance, or art. It doesn't make it dirty or inferior.

A voice crying in the wilderness (but not alone)

Sometimes I feel like a voice crying in the wilderness. As if my voice is disappearing into the sand. But then I see a reply from a sub who says: “I recognise myself so much in your words.” Or a beginner Mistress who writes: “Thanks to you I dare to be myself.” And then I know: I have to carry on. Even if it takes years before BDSM gets the place it deserves: safe, mature, visible, I at least want to keep laying the stones for the foundation. Because even the smallest drop can cause ripples.

And so I keep fighting dogmas

I keep fighting an unshakeable belief that BDSM is wrong. Weird. Porn. Dirty. And that belief stubbornly stays standing as long as nobody stands up against it. So I do. Every day again. Sometimes with courage. Sometimes with despair. But always with love. And with the deep conviction that what I do matters. Precisely because it chafes and precisely because it touches.

And no... I don't do this for the money, because this fight earns me nothing, quite the opposite. It costs me an enormous amount of time, energy and money every day. I do this because I feel I have to, or rather: that someone has to. And I have picked up that towel and sunk my teeth into it. And I don't let go easily...

...but I can't do it alone. I need you just as much. For example by sharing posts from this site on social media or by supporting this project financially via Petje.Af. The more that is done, the more it can grow. Together we can make a difference!

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com