How “soft” is soft SM?

“How soft is soft SM?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Interested in BDSM? Then you’ll probably start with soft SM to build up the experience gradually. Soft SM includes gentle acts (usually without pain) such as bondage. Humiliation is often included under this category as well, but personally, I disagree. While it doesn’t leave visible welts or bruises, humiliation can be mentally tough to handle. So as far as I’m concerned, humiliation doesn’t fall under soft SM. Unless they’re mocking remarks like “Oooh, you’ve got such a tiny little dick!”, which are more laughable than seriously humiliating.

Keep it fun!

Soft SM should above all be fun – something you look forward to, something you’re eager to explore without any traumatic experiences. Those first steps are incredibly exciting, and they need to be positive! So don’t start off by hitting hard or sticking needles into someone’s nipples. Keep it exciting and thrilling, and above all, keep it fun. As you both gain more experience, you can naturally explore deeper together.

Talk to each other beforehand about your expectations, who will take on which role, what you hope will happen, but also what you’re afraid of. The foundation for a good BDSM experience – whether soft SM or hard SM – is honesty and trust.

But what exactly could be considered soft SM?

Okay, whipping with a bullwhip doesn’t fall under soft SM – you probably get that yourself. And using needles doesn’t either, but what could it include? It’s mainly activities you could do with a beginner. Building up slowly, exciting, but not too intense.

Feather and horsehair whips

Feather whips could be a great option. You can use them to tickle the other person’s skin. Teasing, but also wonderfully caressing. This also applies to whips made of horsehair. These can also be used perfectly well if things don’t need to get too intense. And of course, you can also use a flogger (one of those nice thick ones) to caress the body or give gentle taps.

Bondage

I already mentioned bondage in the first paragraph. This can be done with ropes, foil, or bondage tape. Start slowly, because in soft SM, you don’t immediately hang someone upside down in the ropes. Soft SM is mainly about experiencing the restriction of freedom. Always stay with them, because someone can always panic.

Handcuffs

There are special soft handcuffs – fluffy, soft, and with Velcro. Just a little kinky, and easy to adjust quickly thanks to the Velcro.

Cage

As long as someone isn’t claustrophobic (but in that case, a safe word can always be called out), you could lock someone in a cage for a few minutes (and stay with them).

Butt plug

Using a butt plug also fits perfectly under the term “soft SM.” Provided, of course, that you don’t choose a mega-sized one. Just build up to it slowly and start with a small one.

Leash & collar

It’s exciting, that first collar around your neck and being led by the leash! Also great for building up to slowly.

Nipple clamps

Of course, there are intense nipple clamps that definitely don’t fall under soft SM, but if you choose nipple clamps that you can adjust yourself, this is perfectly fine.

Cupping or vacuum pumps

Cupping and the use of vacuum pumps (as long as you know how they work) can also be used perfectly well in soft SM.

Tease & Denial

Teasing, building tension, and then nothing. Driving someone wild until they’re almost at an orgasm, but then not giving permission for an actual orgasm to happen.

Vibrators

Vibrators, vibrating eggs, prostate stimulators, or other vibrating sex toys can, of course, also be used in soft SM.

Spanking

A good spanking with the hands, a healthy dose of spanking. A great game for beginners! Of course, it depends a bit on how hard you hit…and how often.

Role-playing

Playing role-playing games is always fun, and you can make it as wild as you want (and dare). A great way to get to know each other even better.

Build it up slowly!

Aside from the extremes, you can – provided you build up slowly – try out quite a few things under “soft SM.” You’ll naturally figure out whether you can take something a bit further and whether something else is completely off-limits.

More information

BDSM – theme page
Getting Started – theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com