Long-held desires, and often it stays at that

“Long-held desires, and often it stays at that“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Maybe you too have long-held desires and this blog feels familiar to you... or maybe you are - like me - a jumper. Sometimes we long for something that at first glance seems a little scary or at the very least exciting. Some people need a bit more time than others to actually take steps towards it. I regularly speak to older people (70-plus) who long for a BDSM experience but have never dared to take that step. The chance that it will still happen is practically zero.

Years ago I simply jumped in at the deep end; I trusted myself that I would reach the side eventually. And it wasn't the first time I had jumped, I am a "jumper" in several areas of life, but not everyone can or dares to jump, especially not into a scary pool like BDSM...

… and yet I have never spoken to anyone who regrets taking their first step to explore BDSM further. Perhaps here and there some regret about the choice of a particular Dom or sub, but no regret about BDSM. That is not to say that nobody in this world walks around without regret, I just haven't come across them. I have, however, come across a great many people who will never take that one step.

Ten years

The contact lasted ten years. Even longer than I have known my own partner/sub. For more than ten years he has cherished desires to get to work as a sissy or a cleaning slut. But yes, taking that first step is still a bit of an issue. Because, well, he is sitting so high up in the tree and what if…

… so he daydreams away the days, weeks, months and eventually years, one after the other. Longing for something to make him complete. Meanwhile climbing ever higher in that tree and thereby creating more and more distance from the foundation of his true being. Because whoever sits high can fall hard, and what if…

Kicks

For ten years he has come up with pretty much every excuse possible to get as many kicks as he could out of our conversations, but never actually gave shape to his long-held desires. Never dared (or was able) to take that one concrete step. Oh yes, once, years ago, I saw him a single time. He was allowed to sit at my kitchen table. Writing lines as punishment for everything he had done wrong. And that was a lot. After that our paths parted for a while, but eventually he got in touch again. Just as most people always get in touch again in the end.

Last chance

Yesterday was the last chance to show his loyalty; he was going to pick me up for a simple dinner, because a first step can sometimes be that low-threshold. He kept me in suspense until the last moment: would he come or wouldn't he? Around 6 p.m. - the agreed time - the liberating word arrived. He wasn't going to make it: too busy on the road, too far away, too… Could he send his gift to me instead, but to which address? To which address? How had he ever intended to pick me up if he never took the trouble to note down my address? So he had known for a very long time that he would never come. Probably he had known for ten years. He can keep his gift; for me the shine has gone.

Glorious political career

With my last words I wished him a good life and plenty of success in his glorious political career. Because I like to keep my dignity. Mud-slinging is not classy, and his lies – or call them excuses, if you like – are so blatantly obvious that I can hardly take offence. In the end it is his loss. I am happy, complete with the nicest, loveliest, most inspiring and above all most loyal male and female slaves a Dominant could wish for.

Door closed

After ten years I have closed the door for good. Emotionally, though, that had already happened years ago. So no, it didn't affect me. After all, it is his loss. He will carry on for years yet with longing, teasing himself dry, searching for his balance… convincing himself that it will happen "some day".

But you and I know that this will never happen. Incidentally, I do understand why some dominant Ladies ask for a tribute before allowing contact... With all the messages between me and this person alone, I could have retired on the proceeds by now. Do I feel cheated? Maybe a little, but then that is my own fault. After all, I could have pulled the plug years ago, because somewhere I always knew he would never dare to take this step. But yes, I am a huge optimist who always wants to keep believing in the good - and the sincerity - of others. Call it naive if you like. So be it. Maybe that goes with being a 'jumper'. Sometimes you jump and miss, and then it takes a bit longer to find the side again.

How do you make your long-held desires come true?

Not everyone dares to jump, and that's fine. But perhaps you too are carrying long-held desires that you haven't yet dared to take steps towards. That doesn't have to have anything to do with BDSM, because maybe you took steps within BDSM long ago, but you are carrying a long-held desire for a different job and don't dare to let go of your current foundation... So here are a few (general) tips on how to give shape to your long-held desires:

Tip 1: Visualise your dream
Imagine as vividly as possible what your life looks like once you have fulfilled your desire.

Tip 2: Set small goals
Break your big dream down into smaller, manageable steps that are less overwhelming.

Tip 3 Make an action plan
Turn your goals into a concrete plan with deadlines to keep yourself motivated.

Tip 4 Surround yourself with support
Look for people who encourage you and hold you accountable.

Tip 5 Examine your fears
Understand what is holding you back. Fears are often irrational or exaggerated.

Tip 6 Start small
Take a small first step, however small, to build momentum.

Tip 7 Celebrate successes
Acknowledge and celebrate every bit of progress, however small, to keep yourself motivated.

Tip 8 Stay flexible
Be open to adjustments in your plan and don't be afraid to explore new routes.

Tip 9 Learn from others
Look for inspiring stories from people who have pursued similar dreams.

Tip 10 Be patient
Big changes take time. Stay focused and don't give up when it gets hard.

Mistress Moriah

More information

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Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Image: BDSMforyou