In the mind of the sub or submissive (slave)

“Inside the Mind of the Sub or Submissive (Slave or Slave Girl)” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

To connect with one another during a session or experience, it’s important to understand what’s going on inside the sub or submissive’s mind. Because that knowledge gives you the tools to anticipate it. To do this, it’s important to have some prior understanding of their desires. Where do their submissiveness and desires lie? Other terms include: slave, submissive, bottom, S, receiver.

Pure symbiosis

A dominant does nothing without a submissive. Together, they keep each other in balance. The more submission there is from one, the more control and power the other can exert. Of course, the reverse is also true. The more dominant the dominant is, the more submission will be expected from the sub. Pure symbiosis, in other words.

Whereas the Dominant derives pleasure from the power and control they can exert over their submissive, the sub derives pleasure from pleasing the Dominant. How far this goes depends on their bond.

No single fixed type

There is no single fixed blueprint for a sub or slave; there are different types. There may be overlaps in their experiences or desires, but some preferences can also be miles apart. For example, a masochist might get quite turned off by kissing a Mistress’s boots, but a non-masochist might run away screaming if the pain becomes too intense. So it’s important to keep observing the other person and to register verbal and non-verbal cues and translate them into the right energy. That’s why, when you’re facing an unfamiliar sub, it’s best to start very gently so you can gauge how he (or she) reacts. As you gain more insight, you can slowly push the boundaries further.

Overview of the different types of subs

First and foremost, I want to point out that this is my perspective, based on my experience. You may very well have a different opinion on this. That’s fine, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Most terms are widely used, but some terms simply come from the “Mistress Moriah hat” because I haven’t been able to find standard names for them yet.

Pain slave (masochist)

A masochist enjoys pain but usually isn’t very interested in humiliation. He is proud of his marks and would prefer to share them with the whole world. A masochist can be assertive and encourage (or direct) physical hardship. He will always want to go further and ask for more intensity or stimulation. With a masochist, it’s important to keep a close eye on your own limits, because he is primarily focused on himself.

Breaker

This is a derivative form of the masochist. He is someone who is powerfully dominant and controlling. He longs to be “broken” by you. For him, it’s about the physical struggle, and he gives you the tools to play “without limits” – preferably beyond your own boundaries. With this type of sub in particular, it is extremely important that you remain steadfast, stand your ground, and continue to guard your boundaries.

The Brat

A brat is a mischievous little rascal. At first glance, he may seem rebellious or not very compliant, but if you look closer, you’ll notice that such a person likes to test boundaries, though this mainly happens in playful contexts. In doing so, they draw the attention of the dominant. For the rascal, this attention is the ultimate gift.

The Nothing

The nikser loves humiliation and derives his arousal from the fact that he is absolutely nothing. This play requires a considerable amount of knowledge of the sub’s psyche and vulnerabilities. He wants to feel even less than nothing – the speck of dust under your shoe, the urine stain on the wall. That is all he is. To play with a nikser, it is important that the Dom is also firmly grounded.

Lust Slave

For the lust slave, it’s all about arousal and orgasms. He undoubtedly wants to be milked, to be taken with a strap-on, and his reward is likely a good licking from the lady. There’s a good chance he doesn’t shy away from a “forced-bi” experience. But he won’t openly ask for it himself. The lust slave’s submission may be limited to the bedroom…

Femdom Slave

A femdom slave focuses primarily on fulfilling tasks for her. This can involve daily activities such as doing household chores, running errands, or giving a relaxing massage. In addition, a femdom slave may be expected to satisfy her sexual desires. He is also well-suited to serve as living furniture, endure pain, and/or perform humiliating tasks. His reward is her radiant smile, her pleasure, and/or her enjoyment.

Submissive Princess

This may sound contradictory, but this sub craves admiration and adoration. Only then will she surrender control to her dominant. This isn’t because she doesn’t respect her partner; she simply has a high opinion of herself. Deep down, this little princess wants to be cared for and pampered.

Little Boys/Spankies

Spankies have one special kink, and that is getting spanked over the knee. Preferably with the bare hand, but if necessary with some other (flat) spanking implement. Spankies generally have no submissive feelings and are purely focused on this one aspect.

Pet

The pet. This can be anything, such as a puppy, pony, kitten, or pig. The pet loves to wear masks (in style), walk on a leash, drink from a food bowl, and perform tricks. Of course, it prefers to sleep in a crate and makes sounds associated with the animal it aspires to be. A pet is therefore different from a Paypig, although it can certainly be a pig.

Paypig

In a Paypig relationship, the Findom controls the finances. Financial domination can easily take place online or in long-distance relationships. He pays the dominant partner in money, goods, or services. His humiliation lies in having to ask permission for certain expenses or in the fact that he works hard for his money while she enjoys it. He finances her luxury lifestyle.

Cleaning Slave/Sissies

This person primarily wants to be of service, but also wants to be punished if he doesn’t do something quite right. However, his arousal does not lie in the pain stimuli. His arousal often lies in wearing certain (mostly feminine) clothing, often in combination with wearing high heels. This form is most commonly seen in men. This desire often goes hand in hand with the desire to be a willing little slut (for you). Sissy and cleaning often go together, but of course not always.

Rope bunny

This submissive loves to be tied up; the more complicated and artistic, the better. He or she loves the feeling of the rope against the skin. Usually, they are female bunnies, but of course there are also male rope enthusiasts. By the way, bunnies don’t necessarily have anything to do with pain stimuli and/or humiliation.

Different types

As you can see, there are all kinds of different types of subs, so it’s important that you choose a sub who suits you, and for that, it’s important that you know what kind of dominant you are. Because if you’re not into anal play and you run into a lust sub, that can cause friction and/or be disappointing for one or both parties. In addition to the 12 sub types mentioned above, there are of course other variations, and there are also overlaps. The most important thing is to know that there are multiple experiences and therefore not just one way to play.

Overestimating Oneself

What some subs have in common is overestimating themselves. In their experience and fantasy, they can go incredibly deep for you; they see themselves enduring the most terrible hardships, but… in fantasy, you don’t feel real pain. And pain is still real pain. Especially when the body hasn’t yet had a chance to produce endorphins (and other pain-relieving substances). It is therefore not surprising that a common promise from a sub is: “I want to do anything for You…” But “anything” is relative. It is therefore up to the dominant to stay focused and not only guard their own limits but also those of the sub.

Arousal is an important painkiller, and various hormones form the basis of the intensity of the interaction. As long as the sub is aroused, they can tolerate much more pain than after an orgasm has occurred. This is an important fact, because if there is an “accidental” premature ejaculation, it’s good to know that all pain stimuli afterward will hit twice as hard. That’s something you need to take into account (or can take advantage of). After an orgasm, a sub mainly needs hugs and caresses. That desire is also simply “hormone-driven.”

More information

How does subspace occur, and what is it?
Relationships & Roles – Theme page
Safety & hygiene – Theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com