What is BDSM?

“What is BDSM?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

BDSM is an incredibly broad concept. But what exactly is BDSM? That’s actually quite difficult to explain. Yes, it’s an acronym for Bundation, Discipline, (Domination/Submission), Sadism & Masochism- that much is obvious. But that doesn’t really tell us much. Some might describe BDSM as “kinky sex,” but that really does a disservice to the true experience. And while everyone’s interpretation of BDSM will be different, it is more than just a thrilling bit of fun.

Balance

BDSM is all about balance, just like the dualistic world we live in. Everything around us revolves around balance – the pull of opposing forces. Even if we don’t always realize it. Just think of dark and light, day and night, good and evil, and so on. There is always a quest for the right balance, a natural compensation. And we humans have that too. We, too, strive for a natural equilibrium, balance in our lives. And as soon as that is missing, when we are out of balance, we don’t feel comfortable.

But what causes that imbalance? Of course, there can be multiple causes for this – external influences- but it can also arise within ourselves. Every person wants to be seen and accepted just as they are. But we can only expect that from others if we are also able (and willing and dare) to see ourselves as a whole. People aren’t just good; we have bad qualities just as well. Or at the very least, less-than-ideal qualities. You might therefore wonder whether concepts like good and bad actually have any value. Because if there is a natural striving for balance, this means that the more “good” there is, the more “bad” there will also be. And when attracting more “bad,” is “good” still “good”? And of course, the reverse is just as true. If more “bad” means more “good” will follow, is “bad” still so “bad” when it acts as a catalyst for “good”?

But I don’t want to get too philosophical; however, it is good to know how balance works. And how important this is to us. It is inextricably linked to our existence. But this is also where the beginning of acceptance of (and by) the other lies. For how can you expect another person to embrace you as whole if you cannot do so yourself?

Pure symbiosis

We also see this pursuit of balance within BDSM. Just look at D/s; it forms a pure symbiosis. One complements the other, and the higher one rises, the deeper the other sinks. Together, they are responsible for a single whole. I sometimes compare it to a perfect circle. Half of that circle is filled with a D-something and the other half with an s-something. Together, they form a complete circle where it doesn’t matter where the “something” of one or the other is located, because ultimately it forms a single perfect circle.

On the surface, the D holds the reins and leads the s, but it is the s who has previously set the boundaries within which the D can move. And of course, the limits of surrender can be explored and, where possible, stretched, but if the D completely ignores the boundaries and does entirely as they please, there is no longer any consensus. Then it is simply abuse. Or deprivation of liberty. Or…

Servant and Guide

If you delve deeper into the various layers of the BDSM experience, you might just discover that in this case, the D perhaps stands more for “Servant” and the S for “Guide.” Incidentally, a wonderful film has been made about this: “The Duke of Burgundy.” I highly recommend watching it. This film captures this perfectly.

The line between “power and submission,” “submissive and dominant,” is therefore quite thin because the foundation always lies in “consensus” from both sides. And it is precisely that consensus (agreement) that makes the crucial difference between BDSM and abuse. Other important aspects within BDSM are, of course, safety, trust, and keeping a clear head! Because BDSM involves risks, which both parties must factor in beforehand. And the responsibility lies with both. Not just with the D. Because whether you’re dominant or submissive, even within BDSM, you are and remain responsible for your own life.

Too many to list

BDSM is a broad concept that encompasses all kinds of different experiences. The main elements are, of course, captured in the acronym: Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. These words revolve around the restriction of freedom and pain. But BDSM goes far beyond this. Think, for example, of humiliation and/or sissification, servitude, ageplay, or… well, it’s too much to list.

BDSM is above all a uniquely beautiful path that gives you the tools to become whole with yourself and with each other. And to reach depth, you must dare to go deep. Together. From a foundation of trust.

Awaken the fire and ignite my passion
with everything you have within you
Bow and kneel and lick beyond the boundaries of decency

More information

The History of BDSM
BDSM – Theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com