BDSM and disability

"BDSM and disability - no limit to desire" was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Sometimes I receive e-mails from men asking whether BDSM is still possible for them, for example because of their age and/or physical limitations. BDSM and disability: can the two go together? Spoiler alert: "YES", even a big fat YES!

Somewhere, deep inside, the desire lives; the wish to surrender, to play with power, with touch, with intensity. The fire to feel, to discover, to be yourself in a world where nothing needs to be explained. But then there's that thought: is that even possible, with my body as it is now? A little voice that says: this isn't meant for me. Whispering that you are too limited, too vulnerable, or perhaps even too dependent.

Let me tell you: that little voice is lying.

BDSM and disability go together perfectly well. And at least as intensely as when every part of your body functions perfectly. Because BDSM isn't about perfection, performance, the strength of your muscles or the length of your legs. It's about experience, rawness, touch - literally and figuratively, but above all about seeing and being seen. And that is exactly where the answer lies: it's not about what can't be done. It's about what is possible. And that is much more than you think.

Because imagine... that you don't start from limitations, but from creativity. That your body isn't seen as an opponent, but as a partner. That you don't fight against what doesn't work, but make use of everything that is sensitive...

Some parts of the body may be numb. But others... are so sensitive that a soft touch already feels like fire. Senses can shift. When one sense falls away, the others become sharper. You can use that. You are allowed to enjoy that. Not despite your disability, but with it.

Make it part of the play

Don't treat the wheelchair as an obstacle, but as part of the play. Think of bondage where you use the wheelchair itself as a fixation point. And what about suspension? In other words: being hung from cuffs or straps. In that, it really doesn't matter whether you can stand normally. A hoist - manual or electric - can lift someone up beautifully. To lift up. Literally and figuratively. To let the body let go of gravity, of limitation and of the everyday for a moment.

A spanking doesn't have to be done standing at a cross. Quite the opposite. Lay someone face down over a spanking bench, or over a bed, or even across your lap. The intensity isn't in the position, but in the contact. In the attention and in the silence between the strokes. Even in the breathing you share.

Lying-down experiences

BDSM can be experienced entirely lying down. On a bondage bench, a special mattress, a soft surface. Many subs actually like playing lying down, because it brings relaxation and all the focus goes to the experience. Think of sensory play, temperature play, scent, sound, mental forms of play. Anything is possible, as long as you dare to think in terms of possibilities instead of limitations.

The same goes for the Dom. Even if you are physically limited, you can fully shape your Dominance. Perhaps not with a physical whip, if your arms are limited, but with your voice, your words, your eyes and mental strength. With these you can easily create a tension of anticipation, of surrender. Dominance doesn't come from your muscles, but from your energy. From your willpower and from the ability to lead and to see.

And yes, that sometimes calls for creativity. For aids. But isn't that always the case in BDSM? Every session begins with alignment. With listening and with asking: what do you long for? Where is your limit? Those questions don't change when a wheelchair is in the picture, a spasm, or limited hand function. The answers just become more specific and more personal. But that only makes it more authentic.

Desire...

What you need isn't a perfect body. You need a longing body, in whatever form. A body that is willing to feel. And a counterpart who is willing to see, truly see. That is where the magic arises. Let that be your invitation.

Perhaps you have a muscle disease. Perhaps a spinal cord injury. Perhaps you can't move one arm as well, or you have a prosthesis. Perhaps you have chronic pain, or you get overstimulated quickly, or you have limited stamina. Know that there are always possibilities. Sometimes different from what you expected. Sometimes even more beautiful than you ever dared to dream.

Believe me... I know all about it. I've struggled with chronic pain for years myself, throughout my whole body. And yet... it doesn't stop me from creating beautiful and intense experiences. Perhaps I have to plan them a bit more, not too many and not too often, but that takes nothing away from the intensity of the moment when I am engaged in them. I refuse to live in impossibilities. And I hope you won't either.

Be kind to yourself!

Because BDSM is above all a journey inwards. And your body is your companion. Not your opponent. Who you are is worth no less if your body does something different from the average. Quite the opposite. In the combination of limitation and desire lies a beauty you cannot fake. Real vulnerability is strength. And strength... is damn sexy.

So dare to dream. Dare to feel. Dare to ask. Don't let anyone convince you that BDSM is only for bodies seen as 'perfect'. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to want this, to be able to do this, to experience this. That isn't true. It has never even been true...

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com

BDSM and disability - no limit to desire