You can't just switch off your own responsibility

“You can't just switch off your own responsibility“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Recently I received a private message on X from a sub. He contacted me after a blog I had written. He wanted to complain about the many scammers and thieves on X. It was a lament about unkept promises, fake accounts and broken agreements. His list was a bit longer, but I'll spare you that. He had apparently hoped for agreement, understanding or perhaps sympathy, but unfortunately... he got more than he bargained for. I gently pointed out his own responsibility.

Number of fake accounts

Of course I find all the fake accounts and grabbers just as annoying as he does - let's call him X - but I see it a little differently. Yes, I'm irritated by the number of fake accounts. Yes, I think all those begging girls are absolutely a undermining of real BDSM. It simply does the scene no good. And there are already so many people with an opinion about this lifestyle. This doesn't make it any better.

But the knife happens to cut both ways. Because let's not let all those subs who allow themselves to be scammed so easily off the hook either. Where has your own responsibility gone? You can calmly point at the other person and say: 'She ran off with my money and I got nothing in return'. Very annoying, but... what did you do yourself to prevent this?

Check, re-check, double check

And what I mean is, what did you do before, in a moment of arousal, you transferred your money to the first random hussy who came along? Did you check the following things, for example (little effort):

• How long has the account existed?

• How many followers does someone have and what do the followers' profiles look like? Could they be bought followers?

• Can you tell from the replies whether someone has ever had live contact?

• How often are there updates?

• Does she have her own website? Can you reach her easily? Telephone number? E-mail address?

• Is she affiliated with a club or organisation?

• Does she have other social media accounts? (TikTok, X, Facebook, Instagram, Loyalfans, OnlyFans, et cetera)

• Google her photos and check whether they are fake. Do they turn up elsewhere too?

• Check her name on Google: what information comes up?

Check someone!

In short, check whether someone is genuine. You can easily check all these points yourself before you throw your hard-earned pennies away. Did you check all of this before you sent someone your money? Or were you feeling horny and only looking at that sexy outfit? Because if the latter is the case, I have no sympathy whatsoever. In fact, I consider you just as guilty as the person behind the fake account. Because it's subs like you who keep those fake accounts alive. Without your money, they wouldn't exist. They'd be busy with other things.

Real findom / femdom ladies and/or Mistresses are simply serious business owners with a good name to lose. They are easy to check, often have their own website and contact details, and in some cases are affiliated with a club. They take their work seriously and have often worked hard on the reach of their accounts. Those accounts are therefore often not from today or yesterday. Fakers pop up like mushrooms in autumn and often die a quick death, only to resurface elsewhere with stolen photos of another woman. And if you again don't check, you slide right back in, hook, line and sinker.

How does the law handle this?

The many fake accounts on X often legally fall under fraud (art. 326 of the Dutch Criminal Code), but it is difficult to do anything about it, especially if the perpetrator is anonymous or operating abroad.

Legal aspects of this fraud

Fraud (art. 326 Sr)

• If someone deliberately uses a false identity and makes false promises to con money out of you, that is punishable as fraud.

• There must be a cunning trick or deliberate deception.

• If a so-called "Goddess" promises, for example, to dominate you via chat or to send photos in exchange for money, but then never does so, this can count as fraud.

Civil liability (breach of contract or default)

• If there was a clear agreement (for example a paid session), you can legally argue that the other party failed to fulfil the agreement.

• In practice this is hard to prove and to recover, especially if the account suddenly disappears.

The 'buyer's' duty to investigate

• As the payer, you have a certain responsibility to be careful.

• If you transfer money to an unknown account on X without verification, it is harder to reclaim anything legally.

What can you do if you've been scammed?

1. Report it to X (or another social media platform)

   • Report the account for fraud or deception.

   • X often removes accounts that do this, but that doesn't solve your loss.

2. Report it to the police

   • If you have lost a substantial amount of money and there is clear evidence (chat logs, transactions), you can file a report.

   • However, the police will only take this on if it involves large-scale fraud.

Is your legal position strong?

Unfortunately not always. If someone purely exploits your gullibility without an explicit promise, it can be hard to build a legal case. If there was deliberate deception and false promises, though, your position can be stronger. But yes, if someone has vanished without a trace and you have no idea who it was, there's not much you can do.

So do your research beforehand!

Check, re-check, double check. If you get involved with a newly created account on X (or similar), you have a responsibility yourself to investigate the person behind the account. You can't blindly trust her words. Never. And if you do and it goes wrong, please don't call me. Because then you really have only yourself to thank.

Limit the risk by using a lady who is affiliated with a recognised SM club. The risk of being scammed is then many times smaller. Such a person has often built up a good name within the BDSM scene and doesn't want to lose it. Mistresses are serious business owners too. And if you still want that one single lady who isn't affiliated with anything, fine, but check her on all the points I have listed above.

Partly to blame!

And if, despite all the warnings, you fall into the hands of the first random faker with stolen photos, a handful of followers and a brand-new profile... then you really are asking to be scammed. Please don't come crying to me, because I really won't dry your tears. On the contrary. You'll get a proverbial extra kick up the backside from me. Because you are then partly responsible for the existence of all those fake profiles!

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com