Extortion, fake accounts and our vulnerability: how do you keep commercial BDSM safe?

“Extortion, fake accounts and our vulnerability: how do you keep commercial BDSM safe?“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

The news was harrowing but not surprising to anyone active in the scene: on the popular Dutch sex website (Kinky.nl), hundreds of users became the target of extortion. Two men were arrested; their method was sophisticated and painfully effective: photos, chats or threats were used to pressure and blackmail users. This kind of incident affects all of us. Not only are the individual victims harmed - financially, emotionally and legally - but the damage spreads widely: trust in platforms declines, clients become suspicious and commercial providers suddenly face extra risks in running their businesses. The incident underlines something we already knew: anonymity and digital interaction give malicious people room to operate.

Commercial BDSM

In this blog I focus specifically on commercial BDSM - that is: sessions, guidance or services that are paid for through a Pro Domme, a club or an organising provider. My tips and warnings are meant both for clients who book a session and for professional providers who want to protect their business and reputation. The sex industry as a whole has its own dynamics, but the BDSM community has unique vulnerabilities: many contacts begin intimately and confidentially, a lot of information about tastes and limits circulates online, and relationships of trust are essential. That is exactly why we deserve extra vigilance.

Why this hurts our scene so much

Extortion or blackmail on kink platforms strikes at two core values: safety and trust. When a user is coerced, put on display or squeezed for money, shame and distrust follow. Clients dare to be less open; commercial providers suffer more often from fake enquiries, false claims or fake reviews. The effect is vicious: platforms lose users, clients searching for someone become hesitant and serious Pro Dommes face extra hurdles before they trust new clients. On top of that, negative attention can lead to stricter moderation or platform restrictions that hit small providers disproportionately. This is not an abstract risk - it happened recently, and it can happen to anyone.

How vulnerable are clients and commercial providers?

Clients are vulnerable because they often share personal information: images, sexual preferences, specific fantasies. Scammers exploit that bond of trust. Commercial providers run risks because they are publicly visible (websites, social media, adverts) and because they handle payments and appointments remotely. A fake account can pose as a potential client, but it can also work the other way round: malicious people register as a provider to lure clients or to misuse identities. In both cases reputational damage is possible - for the client and for the Pro Domme. That is why prevention is essential.

To be clear: this kind of fraud and blackmail is not limited to one platform or country; these are tactics scammers use everywhere. Governments and consumer watchdogs have been sharing prevention tips for romance and dating fraud for some time, and you can apply that advice very well to kink platforms.

How do you recognise a fake account? (practical signs)

Photos that are too good or inconsistent - often stolen stock or influencer photos. Do a reverse image search (Google Images, TinEye). If the same photo appears elsewhere under a different name, that is a warning.

Lack of history or content - few posts, no interaction, or only original posts that show no depth. Genuine profiles of established Pros have reviews, links to their own site and consistency in style.

Off-putting or forced urgency - someone who immediately wants contact outside the platform, or is in a rush with payments or meetings. Scammers try to isolate you quickly.

Vague or evasive answers to simple check questions - ask for references, a link to their business site or a short video call. If they refuse to cooperate, be on your guard.

Unusual payment requests - crypto-only, gift cards or unverifiable payment methods are red flags. Payment must be transparent and traceable.

Contradictions between profile and socials - check name, location and photos via Twitter/Instagram/LinkedIn and their own website. Consistency is a strong signal of authenticity.

Concrete checklist before you book (client side)

Only book through well-known, established profiles: ladies who work for a club, have their own site, or have been active in the scene for years. Reputation is gold.

Always check for: a business website with contact details, reviews, clear rates and clear agreements about payment and cancellation policy.

Ask for a video call (short, casual) before the first session - not as intimidation, but as verification. Real professionals often have no problem with it.

Pay through traceable, business channels (bank transfer, iDEAL) and never with personal crypto gift codes. Watch out for unusual payment requests.

Keep chat screenshots, proof of payment and profiles - if something goes wrong, you have evidence. Report suspicious contacts to the platform straight away and, if necessary, to the police or the Fraudehelpdesk.

Concrete checklist for commercial providers (business side)

Screen your contacts. At first contact, ask for a short verification: who is the client, what is the purpose, references (if relevant). Trust your gut: take a step back.

Use a business e-mail and phone - keep private and work separate. Use a business payment gateway; do not accept unusual payment methods without a clear reason.

Keep all communication in case of abuse or threats. Also put your intake and cancellation policy down in writing.

Be cautious with personal information: addresses, private photos or details about your daily life do not belong in an early stage.

Take care of digital security: use strong passwords, two-factor authentication and limit who has access to your business accounts.

Train yourself to spot and de-escalate: learn the signs of social engineering and keep a protocol ready for blackmail (who you warn, who blocks, how you report).

Consider a simple ID verification for new clients before physical appointments (for example a photo of ID via a secure, encrypted route), but always check local privacy laws and legislation before asking for identity details.

What to do if you are harassed or extorted after all?

Stop all contact - do not give in to demands or threats. Replying can increase the risk.

Keep the evidence - screenshots, chat logs, proof of payment. These are important for reporting to the police or platform moderation.

Report it to the platform - give as many details as possible. Serious platforms have moderation channels and a reporting flow.

File a report with the police if you are threatened or blackmailed (financially) - blackmail is a criminal offence. In the Netherlands you can also contact the Fraudehelpdesk.

Seek support - reputational damage and shock can weigh heavily. Talk to colleagues in the scene, ask for legal advice or emotional aftercare if needed.

The paradox: more trust versus more control

A crucial recommendation: rely on established names. That does not mean new providers are unsafe by definition, but reputation is a layer of protection. If you work with a lady who works for a club, who has been in the scene for years, or who has built up her own site with reviews, the chance of being scammed is smaller. Scammers have little interest in a long-term reputation - their business model is to do damage quickly and disappear. That is why choosing well-known, established providers is a very effective preventive measure.

At the same time: do not be naïve. Established people too must have their digital security in order and apply sharp protocols. The best protection is a combination of personal care, technical measures and a well-functioning platform policy.

The importance of reporting to the police

Anyone who becomes a victim of extortion or threats within the BDSM scene often feels shame or fear of stepping into the open. Still, reporting it is of great importance. Not only for yourself, but also to prevent others from becoming victims of the same perpetrator. Extortion and blackmail are criminal offences, and the police take this seriously. Y

ou can in many cases also report anonymously in the Netherlands via Meld Misdaad Anoniem (0800-7000). That way the information still reaches the police and the judiciary, without your name being mentioned. For some people that is an important barrier-lowerer. Do bear in mind that a formal report, with your name, offers the best chance that an investigation will actually be started. Whatever you choose: staying silent protects the perpetrator, reporting protects the community.

Finally: what we can do as a community

The responsibility does not rest solely on individual clients or providers. Platforms must improve moderation, providers must step up their digital security and clients must act critically and carefully. As a community we can warn each other about incidents, share experiences and promote safe practices. A strong, knowledgeable commercial layer in our scene protects all parties: clients get safe experiences and Pro Dommes can keep practising their profession without constant fear of blackmail or fake accounts.

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Mistress Moriah

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Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com