YKINMK, respect starts with opening yourself up

“YKINMK, respect starts with opening yourself up“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Your kink doesn't have to be my kink, but it is important that we respect each other's kinks. Sadly, even within this scene, that still leaves something to be desired at times. I'm thinking, for example, of Age Play or Baby Play – two preferences that are not always well understood, even within BDSM. Fortunately, you don't have to understand everything to be able to show respect. And that is exactly the heart of the abbreviation YKINMK: Your Kink Is Not My Kink. And that's fine. But do let each other be. Because the fact that your kink is different doesn't automatically mean it is better or worse.

The world of BDSM is as colourful as a jawbreaker. It is precisely that diversity that calls for respect for each other's preferences. Believe me: nobody is waiting for a kink-shamer. You really don't have to agree with everything, but that doesn't mean you have the right to condemn it.

Respect starts with yourself: YKINMK

For me, respect is an essential part of every BDSM experience (and, frankly, of everyday life too). It is at least as important as consent. While respect within your own experience is often a given, it becomes harder when it concerns someone else's kink.

Respect is not a nice extra; it is the foundation. At home, at work and certainly within BDSM. It means you are open to other people's preferences, even when they aren't yours. Perhaps you love a firm spanking, while your neighbour would rather play with candle wax. By acknowledging and appreciating each other's kinks, you create a safe environment in which everyone can be themselves.

Caught up in an online discussion? Then you can always use YKINMK to indicate that it's not your kink, but that you do show respect. Because if you want respect for your preferences, show it towards the other person too.

Vulnerability makes kink extra exciting

It is already exciting enough to share your deepest desires. You make yourself vulnerable – and you never know how the other person will react. What is arousing for one person may be a complete turn-off for another. Remember that your taste is not the universal standard. So before you react to someone's kink with raised eyebrows, realise that your favourite pastime may seem just as strange to someone else. Live and let live, right?

Learn from each other

The diversity within the BDSM community is a treasure trove of knowledge and experience. When I hear something new, I don't dismiss it – I dive in. I read until my eyes hurt. Not because I want to do it myself, but because I want to understand it. Because I've learnt: never say "never". It's precisely when you really delve into something that you discover the beauty and intensity of experiences you first found strange.

Don't be fooled by “unknown, unloved.” Read, ask questions, look for the experience behind the experience. And it still doesn't have to become your thing. But then your opinion is at least well founded.

Judge less, marvel more. BDSM is a colourful palette, and each of us fills it in in our own way. What you find beautiful in it may be uncomfortable for someone else. And that is perfectly fine. As long as we let each other be, there is room for growth, depth and safety.

Because the most beautiful form of kink... is the one in which you are allowed to be completely yourself. And I wish that for everyone.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com