What is the difference between kink, fetish and BDSM?

“What is the difference between kink, fetish and BDSM?“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Sometimes the dividing line between kink, fetish and BDSM isn't very clear. What one person experiences as a bit of exciting kinky sex, another may see as proper BDSM. It's all not black and white, and sometimes it really isn't clear at all. That's fine in itself, but some people do clearly distinguish between a fetish, kink or BDSM. And then it can be handy to know what the differences might be, so you don't end up facing too many surprises...

Years ago, I once made a mistake with the term "swinging". When someone asked me if I liked swinging, I thought he actually meant "dancing"... Luckily I found out in time that swinging also has a completely different meaning, which I had no idea about.

What is kink?

Kink is really the umbrella that covers everything that deviates from 'standard' sexual acts. Think of role play, spanking, voyeurism or wearing a latex outfit. If it stimulates your fantasy and is consensual, you can probably call it a kink. The beauty of kink is that it's as broad as the horizon. One person finds handcuffs exciting, while another gets aroused by balloons, for example. Yes, that exists.

Kink has no rules, except the ones you make together. So you can see the term "kink" mainly as an overarching term for everything that isn't part of standard, straightforward sex. In other words, whenever there are unconventional sexual practices. From small to big. From mild to intense.

What is a fetish?

Where kink is about exploring your fantasy, a fetish is about one specific trigger. A fetish is an intense fixation on an object, body part or activity that causes sexual arousal. Think of feet, leather, tights or even the sound of a zip. The difference lies mainly in exclusivity: for someone with a fetish, that one thing can be essential to get aroused. So while kinks are a buffet of possibilities, a fetish is more like a favourite, indispensable dish.

What is BDSM

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. It may sound like a mouthful (and it is), but it's really a collective name for specific dynamics and activities in relationships and sexuality. Within BDSM, power, control and consent play a major role. Think of role play in which one partner plays the boss and the other surrenders, or the use of whips, ropes and blindfolds.

But don't be mistaken: BDSM goes much further than just physical acts. It's also about trust, communication and loving care for each other. Without a solid foundation of mutual respect, the whip doesn't come into it, so to speak.

Where kink, fetish and BDSM meet

As you will have read, there is considerable overlap between the concepts of kink, fetish and BDSM. You can, for example, have a kink for bondage (BDSM) and also a fetish for latex suits. You can have a kink without ever doing BDSM, or you can do BDSM without having a fetish. It's a kind of mix 'n match, depending on your personal preferences.

But the most important thing? Consent. Whether you're in the kink, fetish or BDSM scene, it must always be voluntary and (as) safe (as possible). So if you want to explore a new fantasy, start with a good conversation and clear agreements. And don't forget: there's nothing wrong with a little curiosity.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com