Interview with Kim Holland - Kim and BDSM

“Interview with Kim Holland - Kim and BDSM“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

I met Kim Holland at a restaurant in the cosy Statenkwartier district of The Hague. A home game for me, as a true Hagenaar. When I walk into the restaurant, she is already there, together with her new partner. It is not the first time I have met her, so we greet each other with a warm hug.

What do you think about BDSM? Do you have any personal experience with it?

BDSM is a big fantasy that you can bring to life. You can experience all kinds of role plays in it, bondage, blindfolds, but of course also the role play of Dominant and submissive. Some women like to experience a kind of compulsion in their sexuality. But of course there are also men who, for example, have a busy life full of responsibility and want to escape from it for a while, so that they can simply feel nothing at all.
I have quite a lot of experience with BDSM myself. In my ex-relationship I had a BDSM relationship for a long time. We regularly played SM games that were sometimes quite hard, but in which lust always took the lead. Both the mental and the physical experience were important to us.

Are you the dominant one? Or is it rather the other way around?

I have always been submissive. For my films I have occasionally played a dominant role, but that was really just a game, because I am not dominant. I am playful and creative, so if someone else assigns me that role I can make something of it, but by nature I am submissive.

Apart from no-gos such as drugs, mutilation and children, what is a really hard limit for you?

Personally I am not into breath control much. It seems to be very trendy at the moment, but I have little interest in that form of sexual experience myself. You also regularly hear that people who experience sex this way often can no longer do it any other way. That is why it is important that you cross that bridge consciously and fully realise what the consequences of such a step can be. I also sometimes worry when this kind of play is combined with drugs or alcohol. It is precisely with that combination that the risk of accidents is very high.

Actually, this is a form of play in which it is essential that you know each other very well and can read each other well. After all, one person literally puts their life in the hands of the other. It is also important to take time after the play for a good, open conversation, because ‘in the heat of the moment’ everything can feel good, but that does not have to still be the case afterwards. Be honest with each other, stay alert, so no intoxicating substances, and play the game with a partner you have known for a longer time.

What would you still like to experience in the BDSM field yourself?

I have already experienced a great deal, both in private and in rape scenes in films and shows. It is important that you only do things when they feel right. I now have a new boyfriend and we have not played this kind of game at all yet. I also believe that you should not rush into this kind of thing together. We are still getting to know and discover each other, and if it happens, it will happen naturally at some point, but I am in absolutely no hurry.

What do you think of the hype around 50 Shades? Do you think it has done the BDSM scene any good?

I have read the book, but it is certainly not the best book ever written. It also does not explain well what SM actually involves and what comes with it. It does show well how stimulating fantasy can be, especially for readers who had no experience with BDSM yet. The book has undoubtedly brought new fantasies to a number of relationships, but not every relationship is suited to it. BDSM has, however, become easier to talk about, and that is of course always a good thing.

Do you think people who want to get into this should experiment on their own, or would you advise them to take a BDSM workshop?

If you want to try out a few kinky games with, for example, handcuffs, a blindfold, your hands and/or a small whip, then of course you can perfectly well discover that on your own. You can playfully look for what you both enjoy. If you want to go further than that, a workshop is advisable. It is important that you know how to tie proper bondage, how far you can go with certain things, what the other person's body language tells you and what the risks can be.

BDSM still has a somewhat shady image. What can BDSM practitioners themselves do to change this?

On TV, but also in other media, extremes unfortunately always come up, which creates a wrong picture of reality. People who do not know much about BDSM get a distorted image from this. The book 50 Shades of Grey, in turn, romanticises it too much, so a more realistic picture is actually needed.

Do you think it could eventually be accepted just as much as, for example, homosexuality?
I think so, although there will always be people who will not like it, but that is still the case with homosexuality too.

Is it desirable to rid BDSM of its shady image, or does that also have an advantage? Doesn't that very shadiness make the experience stronger, for example?

Everyone will have their own opinion on this. It mostly has to do with how you want to enter the adventure together. If it became fully accessible and everyone did the same thing, it would become very boring again. Within BDSM it is precisely about variety, and how wonderful is it to discover your own play culture in that. And it is of course quite exciting when it is a bit secretive and others do not know what kind of toys you have in your bedroom.

What is important to you within BDSM: the mental experience, the intense deeper experience, or perhaps the kinky sex?

The mental aspect plays a very important role, since that is where all fantasies arise. The physical can then follow. The one is connected to the other; for me personally you cannot separate them. But I can also imagine that for someone else, one aspect is more important than the other.

There is a thin line between excitement and consent/safety. Do agreements such as SSC, RACK and R5V still have their value?

I think these agreements certainly have their value; it is always about trust. After all, you put your life in the hands of another person. Look at breath control, for example: you literally put your life in someone else's hands. That is only possible if you really trust that person completely.

Doesn't the experience become more intense when there is no safeword, so that the difference in surrender and power becomes more real?

That kind of thing is only possible if you have been in a relationship with each other for a very long time, and it could then be a new trigger. But you can also make it exciting for yourself in another way. For example, by visualising it for yourself and in reality still having the option of a safeword, should it really go too far.
In BDSM it is certainly important that you keep surprising and varying. Then you do not need to go so far on one element, but you still stay surprising and innovative. Just play with your creativity.

So you are actually saying that it is better to broaden your scope than to go deeper on one element?

Yes. I have been around for a while, also within SM, and I have noticed that limits are easily pushed. One moment you say: ‘I would never do that,’ and the next moment you are doing it. You start to find everything more and more normal, but it is precisely the variety that keeps it stimulating.

I sometimes make radio broadcasts for BDSM radio. I am curious what your favourite BDSM music is.

I find the music of Enigma very beautiful and fitting for BDSM.

What are your plans for the near future?

I am busy setting up workshops. For men and for women. For women the focus is ‘sexpower’, with which I want to make women more aware of their sexuality, and for men it is more about flirting and seduction. Actually, for both groups it is mainly about self-confidence and self-awareness. I would like to respond to that and help with it. First love yourself, then self-confidence, and then sexual self-confidence.

No reality soap for Kim Holland, like Bobbie Eden?

I did that some time ago; I was followed by cameras for three months. It was great fun at the time, but it would not suit me now, given all the plans and developments at the moment.

I would then like to wish Kim lots of happiness with her new love. He was present during our conversation and both of them radiate happiness. It was lovely to witness this budding happiness.