Partner of a Pro Domme - Not a fairy tale, but the raw reality

“Partner of a Pro Domme - Not a fairy tale, but the raw reality” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by schlemieltje, partner/sub of Mistress Moriah.

Sometimes I imagine I'd get a euro for every time a sub says: “Wow… you've really struck gold, having a Mistress as your partner!” or “You're Mistress Moriah's partner? Man, I'd give anything to be in your shoes!” And honestly? At first that did feel like a compliment somewhere. I mean: they saw what I had known for a long time - that she is special. But after a while you start to hear it differently. No longer as admiration, but as incomprehension. Because no, they don't actually want to stand in my shoes at all. They want to stand in her spotlight. Feel her attention. Drop to their knees and hope that she sees them.

And me? I stand beside it all. Literally. And figuratively.

The image and the reality

Because let's be honest. The image of “the partner of a Pro Domme” is slick. High heels. Latex. Leather. Power. Gloss. Photos in which she gazes ahead like a goddess, a whip held loosely in her hand, while I - so they think - am surely on my knees. Day in, day out. Cleaning. Licking. Pining.

What nobody sees? That those high heels mostly sit on top of the wardrobe because she is in pain when she walks in them. That the latex is off because her body is screaming for room to breathe. And that I, as her partner, am mostly the one quietly turning up the heating because she is cold. The one who massages her arms and shoulders, not out of submission, but out of love - and because she is in pain. Chronic pain. But you don't see that in an Instagram or Fetlife post.

A step aside

What does it mean to be the partner of a Pro Domme? It means being able to share. Not her, because she isn't mine. But her time, her attention, her energy.

It means learning to watch while she makes other people fly. Sitting quietly beside her while she is talking to a sub, and knowing that feelings may surface that perhaps have always been hidden until now. Because she touches so deeply. Because she is so pure in her dominance. And because with her he feels truly seen for the first time in his life. And sometimes I wholeheartedly wish that for someone, but not for everyone. It also hurts a little at times when I see that the other person doesn't always appreciate it.

It also means that I see how much energy it costs her. How she burns herself out in her wish to give something valuable to others. And how - sadly - there are plenty who only take. Who think her attention is a given right. Who feel that it should be “free”, “because it's her passion, isn't it?”

Unpaid hours

But I know what it has cost her to get here. The many thousands of euros spent on training, materials, the website, the playhouse, the travel time, the unpaid hours in which she is there for others. The mental burden of carrying their pain, their desire, their shame. And then sitting exhausted on the sofa in the evening, drained. And still the next day she sends another message to a doubting sub: “How are you doing?”

I admire her for it. And sometimes I worry about her.

That 24/7 is a myth

Perhaps some people think it's 24/7 Femdom with us. That I wear a chastity belt, that she makes me crawl with a snap of her fingers, that our household looks like the set of a BDSM film. Let me burst that bubble.

We have washing-up. A household. The care of family members who need help. Work stress. A renovation. Tired heads. Shopping that needs doing. And like any other couple, we have days when we mostly pass each other with “do you need anything from the shop?” or “didn't you forget to feed the cat?”

There is no switch that is on from 'morning till night'. And yes, we are Femdom. But we don't live it constantly. In fact, in the bustle of life there is often hardly any room for an experience. BDSM takes time. And peace. And a certain energetic presence that you can't just conjure up out of your work bag.

Sometimes we plan a moment. And sometimes it doesn't work out. And then that bondage evening ends up dissolving into Netflix and slumping on the bed, burnt out.

The other side of the mask

What else do I witness? Her vulnerability.

Everyone sees the Mistress. The goddess. The leader. But I also see the woman who sometimes cries from exhaustion and pain. Who wonders whether she is doing it all right. Who gets criticism from people who don't even know her, but think they have to judge her on her choices, her photos, her words.

I see how strong she is, but also how often she has to pull herself together to find that strength again. And that is exactly what you don't see in the photos. There you only see the mask - which she shaped herself, with pride, but which she also needs to take off every now and then.

And then I am there. For the moments when she doesn't have to wear it. When she simply lays her head on my shoulder. When she doesn't have to be who the outside world sees in her. Just who she is.

I am not only her sub

Sometimes we play. Sometimes I'm allowed to get lost in her power. But mostly I am her partner. Not a slave, not an object, not a playmate. Simply her man. And that is - believe me - more than enough.

I know many subs dream of a life with a Pro Domme. And that's fine. Dreams are beautiful. But don't idealise it. Realise that behind the magic, ordinary things go on too. That even Mistresses make their sandwiches, have to do their tax returns, and on a Sunday afternoon simply don't feel like whips but do fancy a spot in the sun.

And yet…

And yet… despite the tiredness, the busyness, the worries, the thousand balls she keeps in the air, the subs who admire her (or harass her), the photos that don't tell the whole story… I love her. Not because she is a Pro Domme. Not because of the title. Not because of the photos or her reputation.

I love her because she is brave. Because she tries to make the world more beautiful. Because she sees who people truly are, behind their masks, and invites them to be themselves. Because she never gives up, even when she is broken. Because she laughs with her eyes. Because she stands firmly in her shoes, yet keeps her heart open.

And that heart? That is mine.

schlemieltje (proud partner/sub of Mistress Moriah)

Source

Text: schlemieltje
Photography: Art of Pictures