Everything, but free of charge and for absolutely nothing

"Everything, but free of charge and for absolutely nothing" was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah, the authority on loving and safe BDSM / Femdom.

When I go to the baker, the hairdresser or the supermarket, I think it's only normal that I pay for what I want before I walk out of the door. The same goes for the gym, a visit to the physiotherapist or an order from a web shop. I want something. The other person offers something. We make a deal. For a certain amount, I get what I need. A win-win, as it should be.

But when it comes to BDSM? Suddenly that logic no longer seems to apply.

Everything free, if at all possible

For most people, that's simply how it works. Unless you're a kleptomaniac, of course - but international studies show that kleptomania occurs in only 0.3 to 0.6% of the population. A handful, in other words. And of course that handful always ends up with me.

Because there are an alarming number of subs who think everything should simply be free. Whether it's placing an ad on the site, coaching, sessions, workshops or tasks... they want something from me - and I'm just supposed to give it. For free. And if I don't comply? Then I'm immediately a money-grabber.

Free information - as if it just appears by itself

Every day I put an enormous amount of time and love into writing informative blogs about BDSM. Information that is free for everyone to read. There are ways to support my work via Petje.af, by buying something in the web shop, by ordering a book or by booking a workshop. But to be fair: only a fraction of all visitors actually does so. The rest read, watch, listen and enjoy it all for free.

And that's fine. That's what the information is for. By all means make good use of it, because I write with love. But for some people that's not enough. They want these too:

• to place their ad for free,

• coaching for free,

• tasks for free,

• and preferably free play moments and parties as well.

As if my play house just appeared out of nowhere. As if all those toys magically blew in on the wind. As if I hadn't first invested tens of thousands of euros in equipment, location, knowledge and experience. I don't know about you, but where I live it still rains water, not toys, from the sky.

The right to… nothing?

And I get so tired of it. I don't understand it. Actually, I don't even want to understand it any more.

Why do some people think they're entitled to everything without giving anything in return? I regularly wonder what I'm doing it all for. Whether I wouldn't be better off simply taking a 9-to-5 job, so that I'd get a fixed salary every month. My bank account would certainly be happier for it. Because believe me, I really can't live off "all the donations" over a year.

I started doing this work because BDSM is close to my heart. Because I see, feel and know how beautiful, loving and transformative BDSM can be. Because I want to share my knowledge and experience with those who truly long for it. Because I believe in the power of this world - provided it is properly guided and consciously experienced.

But I have a mortgage too. An energy bill. A family that needs feeding. And yes, that simply takes money. Because I don't get anything handed to me either.

Not a money-grabber, just honest

So when I ask for a small contribution for placing an ad, charge a reasonable profit margin in the web shop, or invite people to express their appreciation through a donation via Petje.af - that isn't because I'm after riches.
It's because this is the only way to keep going with this work, this initiative, this mission…

It's not my hobby.
It's my work.
My passion.
My life's fulfilment.

But even passion needs bread and butter at some point.

I'm sick of the freeloaders

And I'll say it as it is: I'm fed up with freeloaders. The types who want everything, but don't want to pay for anything. Who call me out for 'asking for money', but are unwilling to make any investment in their own growth, safety or journey of discovery.

Suddenly I understand why so many sincere Dommes have hung up their canes. Why so many beautiful Mistresses have dropped out. Because you can only give if you get something in return.

Love for BDSM — but not at any cost

You know, I do this work with love. I am Mistress Moriah heart and soul. I breathe BDSM. I live it. And time and again I see how much it can mean to people. How it helps. Heals. Touches. How beautiful it is to watch someone come home to themselves. But I'm only human too. A human with a mission, yes. But not a missionary.

So if you enjoy what I share - great.
If you learn something from my blogs - wonderful.
If you feel inspired - then I've achieved my goal.

But then don't be surprised if I occasionally ask for a contribution. Because this platform, this knowledge, this experience... has value. And real value is allowed to have a price too.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text & photo: Mistress Moriah