The ABC for the BDSM'er

“Extensive slave contract“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Selena van Huizen.

Your thoughts keep drifting more and more towards BDSM, and you feel the fire burning in your body when you read about it or look at pictures. You would love to taste it, experience it and live it yourself, but you have no idea where to start. Mistress Selena wrote the ABC for the beginner BDSM'er, full of do's & don'ts. What do you need to take into account? What is expected of you? What can you expect, and what should you keep in mind?

The ABC for the BDSM'er

A

Attention, not only for the dominant side or the submissive side, but also for your equipment and surroundings

B

Being reachable, not only for the submissive's pussy (no knickers on), but also emotional support and simply knowing that you can go to the other with anything.

C

Communication, not just agreeing a safeword but simply talking to each other, both within... and outside a "play" situation.

D

Dominance is not a name and not a title either, but a reference to someone's personality and therefore to his/her actions.

E

Earnestness (honesty), "Master, I have come" is a small step, but the dominant side should be honest too: "I am married and you are an extra"

F

Fantasy, not every submissive is a super slave, and not every dominant is the Marquis de Sade. Stay creative, but also objective.

G

Gagging for it (horniness), SM is a risky activity, so you don't do your thinking when you're feeling horny but well in advance, and above all you don't make any decisions when you're feeling horny.

H

Hardness, what is hard for one person is a joke to another. Don't overreach and certainly don't try to outdo the neighbour.

I

Intensity, do everything with feeling and receive everything with feeling. Take your time and don't turn it into a quick Saturday night game.

J

Just being yourself, and staying that way, the closer it comes to your own feelings and desires and the more you enjoy it

K

Klutzing around, making mistakes is not a problem, it comes with the territory, but talk about it and don't blame each other for it. (K = also fighting for the relationship)

L

Love, it comes in all shapes and sizes, but loving each other is allowed when you have an SM relationship, it only makes it more fun

M

Multiple personalities, you don't need to wear a collar or leather trousers to express your feelings, and it doesn't make you any more or less dominant or submissive

N

Not rushing, thinking things through, because it's called thinking you don't always have to do it afterwards, doing it beforehand is smarter and often safer too

O

Obedient (submissive), is not a name and not a title either, but a reference to someone's personality and therefore to his/her actions

P

Partner, even if one of you is submissive and the other dominant by nature, you remain each other's partner and you do it together

Q

Quantity, a lot is not necessarily always good, quality comes before quantity

R

Rows, a sign that you don't take the relationship and the situation seriously and therefore don't take yourself seriously either

S

Sex, even if one is submissive and the other dominant by nature, this is not a licence for rape, sex is an act that 2 (or more) people should enjoy

T

True (loyal), not as in "I won't do anything with anyone else any more", but being true to your own feelings and desires and discussing them with each other

U

Under no circumstances do anything until you are sure of your feelings and know for certain what you want

V

VVV (ask for help), in other words, if you can't work it out yourself, ask a more experienced person for help or advice

W

Why, dare to ask each other questions and dare to give each other answers

X

X-rated, if you doubt your partner's age, ask for ID. It remains something that carries a lot of risks and is meant for adults

Y

Yin and Yang, dark and light, man and woman, the one simply cannot exist without the other

Z

Zealous care, for each other but also about each other, and therefore taking each other into account (so give a quick call when you're stuck in traffic)

Source

Text: Mistress Selena van Huizen
© image: 123rf.com