The difference between a Master and a Mistress

“Unexpectedly trapped in the ManCage silicone chastity cage“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Okay, for my own wellbeing, I'm starting this blog with a huge DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know that this blog, about the difference between a Master and a Mistress, is coloured by my own views, maybe even generalising. I also know that you are undoubtedly completely different. But I really can't be bothered to write a blog with hundreds of footnotes, exclusions, clarifications, different pronouns, explanations, et cetera.

So if this intro (or even the title) makes you itch, see black spots in front of your eyes or feel your fingers heading straight for the keyboard to write a fierce reaction? Save yourself the effort and just stop reading! Have a lovely day, stay in your positive energy and above all don't get worked up about what I have written.

Always coloured

Why this intro? Because I can't write this blog without weaving my own findings into it. And yes, personal findings are al-ways coloured. Someone recently pointed out to me that I always write my blogs from the role of a Dominant Lady. Yes! But that is also who I am. And since I like to keep my blogs close to myself, you have seen that quite correctly. I am not a man and I have no ambition to become one.

If you want a blog to be published on this site from the perspective of a Dominant Man, by all means write it yourself and send it to me. Who knows, I might find it good enough to publish on this site. Or start your own BDSM website, that's perfectly fine too. But for all the blogs I write myself, I also prefer to decide the content myself.

The difference between a Master and a Mistress

And now to the actual content, namely what is the difference between a Master and a Mistress. Let's start with the basics. A Master is usually a man and a Mistress is usually a (trans) woman. That sounds logical, right? But in the world of BDSM it is often not just about biological sex, but also about the energy, dynamic and presence that someone brings with them. A Master can be both authoritarian and gentle, and a Mistress can be seductive and merciless at the same time.

It isn't so much about how someone looks, but about the way they fill in their role. A Master, for example, often radiates a tough, solid calm, while a Mistress often has an aura of elegant dominance. Women generally have an innate warm, nurturing and empathic side, and those qualities can also play an important part in her way of playing, which makes the shape of a Mistress's play different from that of a Master. By the way, this doesn't make her any less sadistic. Just look at it in "Hitting with a warm smile", or "Hitting because it's good for you!".

The energy of dominance

Although there is overlap in how Masters and Mistresses exercise dominance, there are still subtle differences in energy. A Master is often associated with rational strength and a direct approach. He sets the rules, provides structure and has a strong, protective presence. A Mistress, on the other hand, often brings a touch of refinement and finesse. She can, for example, seduce her sub into submission, playing a game in which charm and manipulation play a bigger role. Think of a cat-and-mouse situation, where the mouse always knows who is getting the short end of the stick.

A Master will often opt for direct instructions, while a Mistress regularly also uses visual cues instead of the directness of words. A single glance can say so much...

The societal lens

You could say that our society also plays a part in how we look at Masters and Mistresses. A dominant man is often accepted as a matter of course; he fits the stereotypical image of masculinity. A dominant woman, on the other hand, breaks taboos and sometimes provokes more wonder (and perhaps confusion too). The result? Mistresses are often surrounded by a touch of extra mystery. Think of latex dresses, high heels and a whip in hand – a combination that quickly brings to mind a femme fatale from a film noir.

The style of leadership

Another difference lies in the style of leadership. A Master can be strict and direct, focusing on discipline and clear rules. He is often a rock in the surf – a kind of father figure, but just a little different. A Mistress, on the other hand, often chooses a more psychological approach. She plays with emotions, gives and takes freedom and knows exactly how to play her sub to achieve complete surrender. This doesn't mean one is "better" than the other – it is simply a difference in approach.

Difference in sexual needs

If I go by the majority, there is also an important difference in satisfying a sexual need. For most Masters (and no, not all of them, see disclaimer) BDSM is interwoven with sexuality, lust and orgasm. One way or another, a scene usually ends with a filled hole on the slave (male or female). I'm being a bit graphic, but I'm sure you understand what I mean. A Master's touch is usually aimed at that.

Her own sexuality

With a Mistress, holes can certainly be filled too, but this generally isn't about her own sexuality. Think, for example, of using a strap-on (anal and oral), where it is mainly the sub's hole that gets filled. Perhaps you are now wondering, but what about facesitting? Doesn't that satisfy her sexual needs? Not necessarily. It can be part of humiliation or breath control, and she simply keeps her clothes on.

If she sits down with her bare pussy on his nose, a bit of sexual satisfaction can certainly come into it, but that is often the minority. A Mistress focuses mainly on the mental and physical challenges for the sub. As a result, his surrender will be clearly visible.

More subtle

Her touch is generally more subtle, erotic and sensual, but less goal-oriented towards sexuality (although the receiver may find this incredibly arousing).

And of course, along the way she will also think of her own wishes. Think, for example, of a bit of servitude or treats such as foot massages and gifts, but that isn't sexual. With Her it is more about relaxation and/or convenience and therefore not, as with many Masters, about an orgasm. The male cries I have occasionally heard: "What I hit, I fuck", I have never heard from the Ladies.

The power of individuality

Last but not least: authenticity plays a big role in how effective someone is in their dominant role. As in any relationship, it ultimately comes down to the chemistry and mutual attunement between dominant and submissive.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com