The use of alcohol and drugs within BDSM

“The use of alcohol and drugs within BDSM“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

BDSM and intoxicating substances, such as alcohol and drugs, are not a good combination. BDSM requires a clear head from both parties. Even a single glass of alcohol is inadvisable. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which makes it easier for a sub to go past their limits or for a Dominant to become less alert. It reduces your ability to make sensible choices and stay sharp. But it can also lower the pain threshold, so that a sub experiences more pain than is actually desirable.

Blurred limits

Of course, this applies even more to the use of drugs. When you use drugs, a good deal of your sense of reality disappears too. Limits become blurred, for both parties. Drugs can give a feeling of euphoria in which you feel invincible. The consequences of this can be serious.

Because with BDSM there is always a risk that something doesn't turn out quite right, it is all the more important to keep your head clear, so that your focus and concentration stay as sharp as possible. Only with a clear mind can you watch over your own limits.

Popular drugs within BDSM

Even so, drugs such as MDMA, ketamine and poppers (amyl nitrite) are sometimes used within BDSM as well. As a Pro Domme, I have regularly been asked whether I would allow the use of poppers during a session. My steadfast "no" has cost me quite a few clients. So be it. For me, using drugs during a BDSM experience is an absolute no-go. And nobody is worth it (and no amount of money is either) to go past my own limits.

MDMA is sometimes chosen to deepen emotional intimacy. Ketamine, a dissociative anaesthetic, is used to achieve a feeling of detachment, which for some people adds to the experience of surrender. Poppers are often used because they give a brief rush and relax the muscles, which can seem handy for certain forms of BDSM (such as anal play).

Ambulance

Poppers have a fairly innocent image because they are so short-lived. However, it is not that long ago that an ambulance had to be called because a client in an SM studio had been taken ill while in the crotch area - after using poppers. Maybe you don't see that as a problem, but I really do not want to deal with that. So I like to keep it clean. On both sides.

Alcohol

Alcohol, however, is still the biggest 'culprit'. A few drinks make many people feel freer, looser or less inhibited, which can seem attractive to some beginners when they explore a scene for the first time. But these substances come with major risks – especially when combined with BDSM.

What are the risks of alcohol and drugs?

BDSM demands clarity: you must be able to sense and respect your own limits and those of someone else. Alcohol and drugs disturb that balance. They can cause people to go further than they actually want to, or to ignore their own safety rules. You can say "yes" to something you would never consider when sober.

Drugs such as ketamine, and alcohol, can change your sensitivity to pain. That might sound ideal for a session with a bit of extra spice, but it also means you won't notice when something is really going wrong. What starts as an exciting experience can end in an unwanted visit to A&E.

From aid to slippery slope

Using drugs or alcohol as an "aid" within BDSM can be a slippery slope. What starts as an experiment can quickly become a habit. The danger is that you no longer dare to play without these substances, which can undermine your experience and self-confidence.

Dominant and submissive play calls for clear agreements and limits. But if a Dominant is under the influence, that control can fade. This can lead to poorly assessed risks, such as applying too much pressure or missing signals that the submissive is in danger. Conversely, a submissive who is under the influence may not be able to indicate clearly what is going wrong.

Overview of risks

Table taken from Stichting Info BDSM

Alternatives: how do you stay in control?

If you want to reduce some tension or nerves, choose alternatives that keep you clear-headed and aware:

Breathing exercises: These help you to relax and stay focused.
A good conversation beforehand: A lot of nerves can disappear if you have a good, open conversation with each other beforehand.
Mindfulness: This helps you to stay in the moment and focus fully on the experience.
Music or atmosphere: A good playlist or an intimate setting can provide just that little bit of extra relaxation without you resorting to substances.

The intensity of BDSM

BDSM is a beautifully pure, intense experience. You don't need any intoxicating substances for it. Enjoy it in all its purity and keep your head clear! The natural drugs such as dopamine that your body produces itself are intense enough already!

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Illustration: BDSMforyou