The mental impact of ignoring: know what you're doing

“The mental impact of ignoring: know what you're doing“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Ignoring, a punishment or disciplinary measure that I rarely if ever use because I personally find it too intense. I can happily give someone harsh welts, even until the tears roll down his cheeks. Or mentally burn someone down to the bone, but ignoring someone, I struggle with that. That will undoubtedly say something about me, because even in everyday life I can get immensely irritated by this behaviour. I sometimes see it happen within relationships: one person is angry with the other, and then that person is completely ignored. Why?

I think to myself: "Talk it out, have a proper conversation, cry, swear, curse and rage, but don't ignore someone, because that really solves nothing.

Ignoring or ignore play

Of course, everyone experiences being ignored differently. There are even people who find it arousing and even experience it as a form of mental stimulation. It is precisely the feelings of longing and uncertainty, in other words powerful emotions, that play an important role in this.

Ignoring, also known as 'ignore play', can be experienced in different ways. It starts, for example, with ignoring texts, phone calls and/or emails, and it goes on to ignoring someone's physical presence. And that is also the most intense form. So, acting as if someone isn't there. After all, everyone wants to be seen.

It is a game with the psyche, in which one partner deliberately shuts the other out to provoke a reaction. That is of course something completely different from ignoring someone because you are angry with them. With ignore play you consciously make use of these intense emotions to achieve a certain goal. That can be arousal, but also, for example, peace of mind, a chance to let go.

The risks of ignoring

Although ignoring can be arousing for some, it also carries risks. It can evoke feelings of insecurity, inferiority and even abandonment. For individuals with a history of trauma or fear of abandonment, it can activate triggers that lead to emotional pain. It is therefore important to make clear agreements beforehand and to ensure a safe environment. That is also why the preliminary conversations are so important. You can't just jump in at the deep end together and see how you get back to the side. Certainly not if you don't have much experience with each other yet.

Good communication

As with all BDSM practices, good, honest communication is important. Discuss limits, expectations and possible triggers beforehand. Setting a safeword or signal can help you regain control if it becomes too intense. After the session it is important to reflect together and to provide 'aftercare', to soothe any emotional scars.

Self-reflection: know yourself

For both the Dominant and the submissive, self-awareness is of great importance. Understand why you are drawn to this form of play and be honest about your limits. This applies just as much to the Dominant, who can also be triggered by this way of playing. There is no shame in admitting that something goes too far or doesn't feel right. Ultimately, BDSM is about mutual respect, trust and creating a satisfying experience for both parties.

Remember: in the world of BDSM, no experience is universal. What works for one person can be harmful to another. Listen to yourself and your partner, and don't be afraid to set limits. Safety and wellbeing always come first.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah