Guard your own limits carefully, even as a Dominant

“Guard your own limits carefully, even as a Dominant” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

One of the most important lessons I give participants during a BDSM workshop or training for the beginning Dominant is: "Stay true to yourself". This doesn't only mean that you keep the experience close to yourself and are authentic (and dare to be!), but of course also that you guard your own limits. And then it helps if you have thought carefully beforehand about where your limits lie. Because one of the most common traits of subs is: "more, more, more". Just like in that song by Billy Idol. That means the Dominant must know well how far she/he herself/himself wants to and can go.

Homework

Because I find this so important, my trainees get this as homework during the first session of the BDSM training for the escort. Go home and think about where your limits lie. Because it can never be the intention that the sub flies out of your premises with little wings while you are left behind like a wet rag. Drained and damaged, because you went too far after all.

Things you should think about include, for example:

May erogenous zones be touched by a sub?
Do you allow sexual acts?
Which body parts do you show?
Is permanent injury an option? (e.g. branding)?
May blood be drawn? (heavy welts, blood play, needle play, et cetera)?
Medical play? Edge play? Orgasm possible or not? Electro play? Bondage? Role play? Age play?
Et cetera...

It may also be useful to fill in a sub list for yourself, so that you get a clearer picture of your limits.

Ignoring limits

Nobody is worth ignoring your limits for. Nobody. And that includes a wad of cash. You have to keep going for a lot longer than just this one session. And believe me, that sub - who just moments before was shouting from the rooftops: "You are amazing! You are the best!" - is really not thinking about your health. Not for a second. Oh damn, a quick disclaimer, because I - as a visual thinker - now see lots of crestfallen subs in front of me who do.

Yes, there are absolutely exceptions. And you are surely one of them. But the majority enjoy the afterglow at home and don't give a further thought to how they left you behind. So you have to look after yourself. That applies to every moment of your life, by the way. After all, you are responsible for your own life.

Dare to be

Just dare to be your lovely self, in balance with yourself. Authentic, and averse to all those protocols - often thought up by others. You are you, and by staying true to yourself, a sub will come along who fits that. And of course that works just as well the other way round. And that authentic self comes with limits that suit you. And if Marietje does do facesitting, or gives a golden shower or sticks needles into someone's glans? Fine! But that doesn't mean you have to demand that of yourself too.

So every now and then, take the time to descend into yourself and check whether everything is still going the way you'd like. After all, it can easily happen that a former no-go suddenly turns into curiosity. That's fine too. Your BDSM experience isn't static; it may move along with you, with your sub and above all with your dynamic. Just sway along nicely, but stay true to yourself at all times!

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com