Finding peace in bondage

“Finding peace in bondage“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

The B in BDSM stands for Bondage. Bondage is a versatile tool within BDSM. It can be used for helplessness, pain and humiliation, but Shibari bondage also produces beautiful sights. With good bondage you restrict the body, which lets the mind fly free. After all, you can't do anything, you are helpless. This can be an exciting feeling, but also a relaxing one. The bondage makes a sub completely dependent on you. You can – if you want to – do anything you like with him.

Tied up in ropes

When you think of bondage, you may first think of being tied up with ropes. That is indeed one option, but there is much more possible. You can, for example, also wrap someone in cling film, even if it's just the cling film from the local supermarket. Every touch to the skin becomes more sensitive as a result. That adds an extra depth to the bondage. Besides film, you can also choose chains, straps, scarves, tape or restraints. There are even special bodybags for sale made of leather or latex. And they all share the same purpose, namely restricting the other person's freedom of movement. But why would you want that?

Taking away someone's physical abilities (seeing, smelling, hearing) means a more intense mental experience. After all, you can't do anything with your body, so that has an effect on your mind. It is therefore not strange that many people experience emotional freedom during bondage. That may sound contradictory with a bound body from which all freedoms have been taken, but it is precisely that restriction that gives the mind the freedom to fly.

Freedom

The feeling of freedom can be emphasised even more when you hoist someone up in their bondage and give them the feeling that they are “flying”. It goes without saying that you only do this if you know exactly what you are doing and do not expose the other person to unnecessary risk. Both the bondage and the hoisting system must be sound. So this is not a beginner's job.

Arousal

There are also people who find the restriction arousing. They are without will and at the mercy of your whims. That can be a (sexually) exciting thought. Their fate lies in your hands, and in their fantasy you can now “do anything to them”. They can only submit and endure, which means they don't have to feel responsible for the actions that follow.

Even the mild pain of bondage can be arousing for some. The squeezing of the ropes, the welts it may leave behind or the pulling off of the tape can be experienced as exciting.

Heightening the senses

Bondage can also heighten the senses or the sensation on the skin. In latex (vacuum bed) or film bondage wrapped tightly around the skin, for example, touches become more intense. It makes the skin more receptive to picking up stimuli. Are the eyes closed? Then the hearing becomes sharper. All sensations you can play with.

Safety

Of course, the first rule is that bondage only happens when both parties agree. But besides consent, one of the most important basic conditions for an intense experience is trust. After all, you are making someone completely dependent on you, and that automatically means a shift in responsibility. When you start bondage, it is therefore important that you can also guarantee safety. Make sure, for example, that there are scissors or a knife within reach, in case someone has to be freed quickly (for whatever reason), so you can quickly cut the bondage loose.

Bondage is not without danger, so it is important that you keep it as safe as possible.

• Never put a rope or cord around someone's neck

• Avoid anything that could endanger breathing

• Keep checking that hands and feet are not turning cold or blue

• Never leave someone alone in bondage

• Make sure you have a quick means of escape (e.g. scissors, a rescue hook or a knife)

• Do not make complicated constructions if you do not have thorough knowledge

• Avoid pressure on nerves, tendons, ligaments and joints

• Also avoid the head, diaphragm and heart region

• Take care not to cut off any blood vessels

• Keep in mind that someone can get cramp

• Make sure you have 1 to 2 fingers of space between the skin and the rope

• Never use alcohol or drugs in combination with bondage

• Make sure you use suitable materials

• If you tie someone to an object, use panic hooks for this

• Agree a safeword with each other and stay in contact with each other

• An environment that is too cold or too warm is not advisable

• Intense pain is wrong pain

• Always use your full wits and keep thinking carefully about what you are doing

• Clean all equipment after use

• Avoid a sub ending up lying on knots

• Never leave someone in bondage for longer than 20 minutes

Panic hooks

Panic hooks are hooks that can be opened easily under tension. So even if a sub unexpectedly faints and hangs with his full weight from the hooks, you can release him quickly.

Extra tips before you begin

• Let the sub go to the toilet first before you begin

• Make sure he has had enough to drink beforehand

• If necessary, remove his jewellery if it could get in the way or start to pinch

• Make sure his muscles are a little warm

• Use bandage scissors when cutting off the film

Is bondage inseparably linked to BDSM?

No. I can be simple about that. You can use bondage – and then it is useful to know what impact it can have – but as a Femdom lady you of course don't have to use it at all. You are the one who decides, and perhaps you don't find it handy at all when your sub or partner is lying somewhere chilling like a rolled roast.

After all, at that moment he cannot be of service to you. So who is going to pour that cup of coffee? On the other hand, it can sometimes be quite handy to put away such a hand-binder or hobble for a while. But that is entirely up to you.

Bondage materials

Ropes

There are many types of rope available, but for bondage it is best to use natural fibres, such as cotton, jute or hemp. These ropes are soft, give a good grip for knots and are kind to the skin. Besides the material, the length (8-10 metres) and the thickness of the rope (6-8mm) are also important. When using ropes you can also use a bondage hook. This is inserted anally. The rope is then attached to the closed eye at the top of the bondage hook. This combines anal play with bondage and gives it more intensity.

Cuffs

Cuffs are available in faux leather, leather, fabric or metal. Personally I prefer real leather cuffs because they are sturdy, last long and look good. Preferably fastened with buckles so that you can adjust them to fit well. There are special wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs, but also ones for the upper arms, for example.

Bondage tape

The name 'bondage tape' of course says enough already. Tape to tie someone up with. There is self-adhesive and non-self-adhesive tape, and it is for sale in all kinds of colours. Without difficult knots you can quickly wrap your sub up with this tape. And with all those colours, it is also nice to look at!

Chains

Instead of rope you can of course also use chains. With the help of a clip, snap hook or carabiner you easily attach the chains to each other, to the collar or to another object. A chain feels heavier or perhaps even more serious than rope, so the experience can be different.

Film

For film bondage you can use special bondage film (and pay top price), but you can also look for a roll of packaging film or cling film. Much cheaper and it works exactly the same. Wrap the sub evenly in the film and leave his head free.

Tape

By tape I mean various kinds of tape. Think of large rolls of adhesive tape, duct tape, bondage tape or latex tape. Take into account the sticking effect of adhesive tape and duct tape in combination with body hair. The free “waxing” can add an extra dimension for the pain slave, but is not always desirable. And what goes on must also come off again. So it's better to take this into account beforehand.

Straitjackets

All kinds of straitjackets are for sale in various materials, such as leather, faux leather or fabric. There are straitjackets for the whole body, only for the torso, but also “arm sleeves” that only hold the arms neatly behind the back.

Straps

Another way of restraining someone is to use (leather) straps. Make sure you do not place them on nerve pathways or other unwanted places.

Other

Besides the options mentioned above, you can also use a spreader bar (between the legs, which restricts freedom of movement), a humbler (ditto) or a leash (walk along on the chain!).

Bondage possibilities

Body harness

The body harness is made with rope and is handy for attaching the sub to all kinds of things. It is actually a base, which gives you more possibilities for him. The harness is easy to make from a long piece of thick rope. If you do not apply the harness too tightly, you can use it safely.

Cock and ball bondage (see also tying off)

With a thinner rope you can make beautiful cock and ball bondage. Distribute the rope evenly over the balls and penis and make sure no bits of skin get trapped. The advantage of penis bondage is that you can now also hang all kinds of objects from it to torment the balls. Think of weights, but if you don't have those to hand, you can use other objects for it too.

Never leave the bondage on for longer than 15 minutes.

With a rope around the penis you can also make the notorious “helicopter”. In this case, only wind the rope evenly around the penis. Once it is completely wrapped, you pull the rope so that it unrolls. If you do this at a certain speed, the penis spins round like the blades of a helicopter. This is not only hilarious but also painful for the sub.

Film bondage

Film bondage is sometimes described as mummification. You can simply use cling film for this, but packaging film is even better. This is available in various colours and in large rolls (50 cm wide).

Prepare a blanket and a bottle of water beforehand. Possibly something with sugar, should it be needed.

Wrap the sub calmly in the film and make sure there is no skin-to-skin contact. Body parts that can hinge (knee, elbow) need a few more layers so that the film stays in place. If you like, put a small cushion between the knees and ankles before you tie them together. That prevents painful joints.

Have the sub take a deep breath before you wrap the film around the torso. This prevents him from having too little freedom of movement to breathe. Wrap the film diagonally around the torso.
Always keep patches of skin free so you can monitor the skin colour, and keep his head and neck free too.

Using film adds an extra intensity. When the skin is wrapped completely tight, touches over the film also feel different. Combine this, for example, with the use of a Wheel of pain or sharp nails. Another advantage of film is that you can carefully cut it open at specific places (nipples, penis), freeing those body parts for other entertainment.

Afterwards you can cut through the film with bandage scissors. While cutting him loose, try as much as possible to keep a hand between the film and your sub's skin, as protection. Keep in mind that the body is wet (sweating under the plastic), so the sub will be cold.

Terminology

What is a hogtie?

A hogtie is a well-known bondage position in which the sub lies on his stomach and his wrists and ankles are tied together behind his back. This restricts his mobility considerably. Make sure the cuffs are not too tight and that the sub can keep breathing properly. Special hogtie cuff sets are available for this, but if you are an experienced knot-tier, you can also achieve this bondage with ropes. This is, however, not a beginner's position.

What is suspension?

Suspension bondage is an advanced technique in which the bound sub hangs in the air. You can imagine that this requires thorough knowledge and is not suitable for the hotel room. If the bondage is not carried out properly, it can cause quite a bit of injury. These are techniques for which you are better off first taking good workshops or lessons with experienced instructors.

What is Shibari?

Shibari, also known as Kinbaku, is a form of Japanese rope bondage that plays both an aesthetic and a functional role. It is characterised by the use of natural fibre ropes and complex knots to bind the body in an artistic way.

The origin of Shibari is deeply rooted in Japanese history and culture. It began as a torture and restraint technique called “Hojojutsu”, used by samurai and police officers in feudal Japan. Over time it has evolved into a more artistic and erotic form, detached from its tortuous origins.

Visually appealing

The basis of Shibari lies in the use of certain types of rope, knots and patterns to create a visually appealing and functional bondage design. The most commonly used ropes are made of natural materials such as jute or hemp. The complexity varies from simple handcuffs and ankle ties to intricate patterns and harnesses that can cover the whole body.

Shibari is not only functional but also deeply symbolic and aesthetic. The patterns and knots can represent different meanings and emotions, such as power, surrender, trust and vulnerability. The aesthetic value is often celebrated in photography, performances and art installations.

Bondage frame

A bondage frame is an excellent alternative to a dungeon for anyone. The frame offers plenty of possibilities for restraining someone. You can buy them ready-made, but a cheaper alternative is of course to build one yourself. A bit of a DIY enthusiast won't think twice about it! The advantage is that you can also make it completely to measure and attach to it exactly what you think you need.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com