What being a slave means to me...

“What being a slave means to me...” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by slave avail.

Twenty-three years ago I came into contact with BDSM for the first time, and from that moment my being had a name: I was submissive. Accepting and embracing that word - and actually daring to call myself that - took time and courage. Even so, my further development into being a slave felt remarkably natural, as if something that had long been dormant in me was finally coming into bloom. Looking back, I realise that it was precisely acknowledging my submissiveness that opened the door to who I truly am: a slave. The service-oriented side, the caring nature, the ability to accept and adapt, but above all receiving guidance so that I can be completely myself - that is where my true desire lies.

Coming out

It is funny, looking back now, that in the forty years before my 'coming out' I actually lived my life no differently than I do now. My career choices - working in hospitality and/or as a secretary or management assistant - intuitively called for exactly those qualities and skills that also belong to a slave. It fits me like a tailored suit: it calms me, gives me structure and something to hold on to, fills me with joy and happiness, and sets me fearlessly and unselfconsciously in my own strength.

A powerful and strong woman

I have often 'had to' be powerful and strong in my life. That was not a fearless or carefree choice, but simply necessity: surviving, carrying on, doing what had to be done. The big difference from back then is that I am still a powerful and strong woman, someone who knows what she wants and what she can do, but who now also dares to let go. I don't always have to carry the responsibility; I am allowed to follow, to be led.

Always having to be strong is a heavy responsibility and, in the long run, utterly exhausting. Being able and allowed to let go brings mental and physical peace - it is a conscious choice for myself and for who I truly am.

Clear communication

But make no mistake: this takes real courage and also comes with responsibility. To be able to entrust yourself to someone wholeheartedly and voluntarily, you need to know yourself well, dare to state your limits and be able to communicate clearly. Only then can you truly, fully and consciously surrender to another person.

In my opinion, it is precisely the strong and powerful women who can and dare to truly allow the slave within themselves to emerge. Do I need it? I can say a wholehearted 'yes' to that. It is simply who I am. It is not an exciting or kinky game you play for a while, and certainly not something you can learn. It is a way of life - a way of being in which my entire being, heart and soul, is contained. And that is exactly why I treasure it so much.

slave avail

Source

Text & photo: avail