What is a sub drop

“What is a sub drop” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

A sub drop is a term used to describe the effects after an intense BDSM scene. It is a low feeling that is a bit like the feeling of depression. This feeling often comes over the sub or submissive within a few days after an intense BDSM experience. The feeling of tiredness, sadness and emptiness can easily last a few days. It can even come with crying fits and withdrawing from various (social) obligations, simply because there is no energy for them.

Ultimate loneliness

The feeling during a sub drop is best compared to the feeling of ultimate loneliness. The great silent nothing. It is dark around you and nowhere does a single ray of light seem to shine through any more. It is not a nice feeling, so it is important that you recognise it straight away so that you can start dealing with it. That can sometimes be difficult, because the feeling can really catch you off guard.

Is it down to the way you play?

A sub drop has nothing to do with the way you play. In that sense there is no such thing as bad or good play. The chance of a sub drop after an intense or beautiful experience is, however, greater. The deeper you went during play, the greater the surrender and the greater the chance of a sub drop. Perhaps as the ultimate counterbalance to the overwhelming feeling of happiness during (for example) subspace.

Contact with your Dom

The sub drop, or sub blues, or whatever you want to call it, can simply hit you, and there is little you can do about it beforehand. It is important, however, that you recognise it so that you can start dealing with it. If this feeling has got hold of you, get in touch with your Dom and talk about it together. Loving contact from someone who knows and understands you is very important at this moment. Be kind to yourself and accept that this feeling can be part of it. Try to realise that in a few days everything will be better again and that this depressive feeling is temporary.

Physical sub drop and mental sub drop

There are two kinds of sub drop: the physical sub drop and the mental sub drop. Let's take a closer look at both.

Physical sub drop

It will not surprise you that the physical sub drop comes from a reaction of the body and generally takes place during the BDSM experience or shortly afterwards. You can experience stiffness, a numb or tingling feeling in the limbs, and your body temperature can even drop. This can happen because the body experiences the BDSM activities as a trauma and goes into “survival mode” by sending most of the blood supply to the vital organs and the brain. This leaves less blood for the limbs, so they can start to feel cold and can even tingle or feel stiff. This is purely a reaction to the reduced blood supply. It helps to rub the limbs firmly to get the blood flowing again.

It can also make the sub feel a bit “dizzy”. The best thing to do then is to let him sit down for a moment or, even better, lie down. Here too, it is best to rub his limbs to stimulate the circulation.

This physical reaction is a normal reaction of the body, so there is no need to be alarmed. You can try to counteract it by stretching before the BDSM experience, but there is no guarantee that it won't happen.

Craving sugar

There is, however, another possible reaction of the body. This reaction has nothing to do with the blood supply, but is caused by substances in the body such as adrenaline, endorphins and sugar. These substances can make it feel as if you have just done an intense workout rather than had a BDSM experience.

You can possibly prevent this reaction by having a light meal before the BDSM experience, low in carbohydrates and with plenty of vegetables. Try to drink enough water before, during and after play.

After the experience, there is a good chance that the sub will crave something sweet. The body asks for sugar to replenish the energy it has lost (burned faster) through the production of adrenaline. Adrenaline is a substance the body produces at moments of pain or stress. It takes a considerable amount of energy (sugar) from our bodies, though.

The drop in blood sugar level can affect your mood (irritable and/or sad) and give you a shaky feeling. Eating a piece of fruit with natural sugar can help. The fructose in the fruit is processed quickly by the body and can restore blood sugar levels fast. If you don't have fruit to hand, you can also drink some soft drink.

Endorphins

During the BDSM experience, the body can produce endorphins. Endorphins are released during heavy exertion of the muscles or in response to pain. Endorphins give a euphoric feeling. You can imagine that when your body stops producing them, you can get a melancholic feeling. After all, the ultimate feeling of happiness has gone and everything now simply feels like less. This can be reinforced even further by the bodily reactions above. Here too, drinking water can help, and try to replenish your potassium, for example by eating a banana.

Mental sub drop

Whereas the physical sub drop already shows itself during or shortly after the BDSM experience, the mental sub drop can occur a little later. A combination of physical and mental sub drop shortly after the experience is also possible, though. The mental sub drop can also hit you only after a week. This is a depressive feeling, accompanied by fear, melancholy, sadness or even guilt.

There can be various reasons for a mental sub drop, for example medication, therapy, memories, events, psychological conditions or other external factors. It is often the last remnants of emotions that were released during play and have to leave the body. Like a delayed reaction.

All the attention

During play, the sub feels carefree, handed over to the Dom's responsibility. He gets all the attention and no longer has to think about anything or feel responsible for anything. It feels like a roller coaster, and he flies from one tumble and moment of intimacy into the next sting of pain. Everything is overwhelming and peaks and troughs follow one another. As a result, stress seems far away and he can feel safe from worries and sadness.

This feeling disappears after play, and the “hard” reality can feel just a little “harder” because of it. Suddenly it is all over and you have arrived in the great silent nothing. You may even be overcome by a feeling of shame, and the Dom suddenly seems so far away that a feeling of sadness is not so strange. The French say it for a reason: “partir c'est toujours mourir un peu” (to part is to die a little).

Share your feelings

It is important that this feeling is shared with the Dom. A bad experience that is given no attention can even have a negative effect on the relationship between Dom and sub, and that would be a shame. The feeling cannot be prevented beforehand, but it is important to handle it carefully afterwards. The best way to deal with a mental sub drop is summed up as ACE:

• A: Aftercare, care straight after play.
• C: Contact during the days after play.
• E: Expression of positive support for the sub

Intense interplay

BDSM is an intense interplay, not something to do “quickly in between”. BDSM is about love, attention, ultimate interplay and responsibility. Know what you are getting into and realise that it involves more than just swinging a whip around… That is exactly what makes BDSM so beautiful, special and intense!

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Photography: BDSMforyou