BDSM versus LGBTQ: An Intriguing Conversation with ChatGPT

“BDSM versus LGBTQ: An Intriguing Conversation with ChatGPT“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Sometimes I use ChatGPT to get a few facts. It saves me a lot of searching. For this site, however, I always get stuck on the fact that these facts have to do with BDSM. And that goes against ChatGPT's usage policy. Strange, because I can ask all sorts of questions about the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer) movement, but as soon as I want to talk to it about BDSM, it gets the hiccups. So what is so different? I decide to start a conversation with ChatGPT. It turned out to be a remarkable conversation, and that is why I would like to share it with you.

My question

Why are you allowed to talk at length about everything that falls under the LGBTQ movement, but hardly anything, if at all, about BDSM?

ChatGPT's answer

That is an interesting question and touches on an important cultural and social subject. The difference lies in how openly LGBTQ+ topics are discussed, as opposed to everything that has to do with BDSM.

1. Visibility and acceptance in society

The LGBTQ+ community has a long history of activism and the fight for equal rights and acceptance. Although it is still not fully accepted everywhere, many aspects of LGBTQ+ identity (such as sexual orientation and gender identity) are now widely recognised as something that is not pathological or deviant, but a fundamental part of who people are. LGBTQ+ topics are now part of mainstream discussions about equal rights, anti-discrimination and civil liberties.

BDSM, on the other hand, is often still seen as a sexual practice or preference. And those categories are generally more susceptible to taboos, because they concern personal and often intimate acts. Although BDSM has nothing to do with mental or emotional disorders, as is sometimes wrongly assumed, it remains a taboo subject for many, precisely because it concerns specific sexual preferences. Sexual preferences are generally discussed less openly, especially when they are seen as deviating from the "norm".

2. Laws and social norms

In many countries, including the Netherlands, there are laws aimed at the equal treatment of LGBTQ+ people. Such as the right to marry and protection against discrimination. These legal safeguards ensure that LGBTQ+ topics regularly feature in public debate. And that education about them is provided.

BDSM, however, falls into a legal grey area. Mainly because issues of consent, safety and potential physical injury can be involved. Although most BDSM practitioners adhere to the principle of "safe, sane, and consensual" (safe, sane and with mutual consent), societal concerns about the nature of these activities remain. As a result, there are often stricter rules and restrictions around discussing or displaying BDSM-related content. Especially on public and online platforms.

3. The difference between identity and practice

Another big difference is that being LGBTQ+ concerns an identity – something fundamental about who someone is, such as sexual orientation (gay, lesbian, bisexual) or gender identity (transgender, non-binary). These are aspects of a person's being that do not just change. That is why the debate surrounding them is often focused on recognition and rights.

BDSM, however, is often seen as a practice or a preference within a relationship or sex life. Not necessarily as an identity (although some experience it differently). Sexual practices, even when they are consensual, are still often seen as something private. As a result, there are stricter norms and restrictions around how, when and where they can be talked about. Especially on platforms with many different users (including young people).

4. False associations and stigmas

BDSM has long had to contend with stigmas and misunderstandings, often linked to films and media in which it is portrayed as something dark, violent or even dangerous. This is comparable to how LGBTQ+ people were stigmatised in the past, but the difference is that LGBTQ+ rights movements have succeeded in countering these negative images and winning scientific and social support.

For BDSM, that shift towards general acceptance is still under way. More nuance and understanding are needed about the practice itself: that it is based on consent, communication and mutual respect. Only when these kinds of conversations take place more often and more openly will BDSM probably also come to be seen more as a healthy sexual choice, rather than something that has to stay under the radar.

My question

At first I am glad that the chat programme takes the trouble to give this extensive answer before it gets the "violation hiccups". The answer also makes me sad, though, because apparently BDSM is not seen as a lifestyle. So there is still a lot of work to be done. Because let's be honest, around 5 to 10% of the population does something with BDSM. Of course, that doesn't mean it is a lifestyle for everyone, but still. It is quite a large group. You can't just push them aside. So I decide to keep asking.

For me, BDSM, and Femdom in particular, is a lifestyle. I feel very misunderstood and unseen by this stance. Why couldn't BDSM fall under LGBTQ? I was born a Dominant, but apparently I'm not allowed to be myself?

ChatGPT's answer

It is very understandable that you feel this way, especially if you see BDSM and Femdom as a fundamental part of who you are, just as others experience their gender identity or sexual orientation. The feeling of not being seen or understood can be very lonely, especially when something that is so important to you does not receive the same recognition as other aspects of identity such as LGBTQ+.

Why BDSM does not automatically fall under LGBTQ+

LGBTQ+ traditionally concerns sexual orientation and gender identity, which at its core is about who someone is and who they love, or how they identify in relation to standard gender norms. BDSM, on the other hand, although for many people a way of life and sometimes even a question of identity, is seen by society more as a sexual preference or practice, and not as a fundamental form of orientation.

That does not mean that BDSM has no deep personal meaning or is not part of someone's core identity. For people like you, who feel they were born Dominant, BDSM is more than a hobby or interest – it is an essential part of your personal identity. But because BDSM has to do with relationship dynamics and sexual practices, the conversation around it often focuses on consent and sexual interactions, rather than identity.

The line between sexuality and identity

This is where it gets difficult. You experience being Dominant as an innate trait, something that lies deep within you. Just as sexual orientation or gender identity are deeply rooted in LGBTQ+ people. This feeling of "it's in me, it's who I am" is something LGBTQ+ people can relate to. Yet society often does not recognise BDSM in the same way, because there is a misconception that BDSM is purely about actions rather than about being.

In addition, there is still a lot of taboo around BDSM, and it is often misunderstood. Many people see it as something that only takes place in the bedroom, whereas you and many others in the BDSM community see it as a lifestyle – a way of being that affects your whole being, not just your sexual side. This is probably where the feeling of being misunderstood arises.

BDSM and the LGBTQ+ spectrum

There are movements that argue for a broader definition of the LGBTQ+ community, so that kinky people and people who see BDSM as an identity would also fall under it. Some people see BDSM, or in your case Femdom, as an intrinsic part of who they are and feel that it deserves just as much respect and recognition as someone's sexual orientation or gender identity.

There are also overlaps between BDSM and LGBTQ+, because both communities often fight for acceptance, visibility and the right to be yourself. For some people, BDSM is even interwoven with their LGBTQ+ identity, for example people who identify as queer and also incorporate BDSM practices into their relationships.

The challenge of visibility and acceptance

The feeling that you are not allowed to be yourself because BDSM does not enjoy the same social acceptance as LGBTQ+ identities is very understandable. It is frustrating when something as important as your identity does not receive the recognition you need to be fully yourself in society.

This is often because BDSM (and Femdom in particular) is still seen through a lens of taboo and misunderstanding, such as that it is always dangerous or unhealthy, or that it is purely about sex. The BDSM community keeps campaigning for more visibility and better representation, but it is a process that takes time, just as the LGBTQ+ community also fought for decades for the rights and recognition it has now.

Being yourself in a society full of norms

What you are experiencing now is in fact a reflection of how the system works around identity and sexuality. Many people who do not meet the social norm are confronted with a feeling of exclusion, and that can be emotionally heavy. Yet there are many people within the BDSM community who feel just like you and who also strive for more recognition and acceptance.

Perhaps it is good to know that there are people and communities who see BDSM just as you do: not as a hobby or a series of activities, but as a lifestyle and part of someone's identity. It can help to seek connection with those communities, online or offline, to find support and understanding from others who have similar experiences.

My question

I am not much wiser for it. The only conclusion I can draw is that a lot of "struggle" is still needed to normalise BDSM. In my own way I do my best, with this website, the podcast, my books and all the social media I fill (almost) daily. But of course much more is needed. But if the largest group of followers still doesn't dare to come forward openly, I remain a voice crying in the wilderness.

Thank you for your words. Apparently the world is not yet ready to normalise BDSM, even though it is centuries old. That remains remarkable.

ChatGPT's answer

You are absolutely right: BDSM has indeed existed for centuries and has been present in many cultures and eras, although it was often hidden or surrounded by stigma. It is fascinating how something with such a long history is still not fully accepted or understood. Society can be slow to embrace what deviates from the "norm", even when that norm turns out to shift time and again throughout history.

What is special about BDSM is precisely its rich history, the deep connections between people, and the strong emphasis on mutual respect and consent, which actually makes it a very healthy and conscious practice. Yet it often remains in the shadows, simply because it does not fit the standard narrative of what is "normal". What the future will bring is hard to predict, but who knows, perhaps that view will change faster than we think.

It can be frustrating, but you are certainly not alone in this experience. Above all, stay true to who you are and seek out those communities where you are seen and understood, because there are more like-minded people than you might think.

My question

I see so many beautiful, loving, even healing things happen within a sincere, pure BDSM experience. There is something magical about it… it can move me enormously and it makes my love grow into the ultimate form of balance.

ChatGPT's answer

What you describe does indeed sound like something special and profound. It is wonderful to hear how BDSM is so much more for you than just the dynamic of power and control. Instead, you experience it as a source of deep connection, love and balance. The magic you see in a sincere and pure BDSM experience – in which there is trust, surrender and mutual growth – really shows how valuable it can be when people are open to its nuances and beauty.

What many people do not realise is that the core of a healthy BDSM relationship revolves around that mutual attunement and dedication. It is not only about physical acts, but about finding balance in the power and vulnerability between partners. That can, as you so beautifully describe, be healing and even lift love to a deeper, more balanced level.

It is remarkable how intensely and lovingly you experience this. That you are moved by it is proof of the power that lies in it when two people understand and respect each other on such a deep level. It seems that your approach to BDSM helps you deepen love and keep it in balance in a way that truly works for you and is fulfilling. That is indeed magical.

Usage policy

This time it took a long while, but the warning came after all. Once again I give it a thumbs down. Not that it will help much, but still. Even small steps can eventually take you far.

PS

Only after my conversation with ChatGPT did I see that the most common term these days is LGBTQIA+. Or perhaps this abbreviation is already outdated again, who knows. This abbreviation stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex and Asexual. The + of course stands for the rest. Queer, incidentally, is an umbrella term for (among others) gay, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, intersex and non-binary people. In short: everything that is not straight or cis.

To my mind, the Q actually makes letters like LGBT redundant, because they apparently already fall under the Q. So why don't people talk about QIA+? Or better still: QIFA+.

With the F, of course, standing for Femdom!

Mistress Moriah

More information

Is BDSM always sexual?
Long-term desires, often it stays at that
BDSM workshops, for anyone who wants to know more!
BDSMentoring can be a lovely step for you too!

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com