How important is BDSM to me? Could I live without it?

“How important is BDSM to me? Could I live without it?“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Someone recently asked me: "How important is BDSM to you? Could you go without it for, say, six months?" Good question, I had never thought about that before. BDSM is an essential part of my life and my whole being. It has been inseparably bound up with my life since I was young. So could I do without it? I don't think so, and I wouldn't know why I should have to. I believe there is always a way to experience Femdom. The Femdom lifestyle runs through my veins; it's not a switch I can just turn on or off.

Even when I didn't yet have the tools and couldn't put a label on my "whole being", dominance and sadism were already an essential part of my life. I didn't consciously choose this, it's simply there. I never had a choice in the matter.

On their knees

In my younger years I couldn't do much with it yet. When I went out, it happened more than once that a man spontaneously went down on his knees for me, or went weak under my gaze and so couldn't look me in the eyes. I couldn't do much with that, because I was just being myself, so what did they see?

What I did find perfectly normal was tying my boyfriends up in bed, blindfolding them and dominating them. Just for fun. I have always loved pain games and sinister humour, and leather and latex have always had a certain effect on me. I loved making men do silly things at times, like the time I made a sales manager crawl through the reception area because I thought he looked like a little hedgehog.

I have also always found it completely normal for men to be of service to me: holding doors open, driving me around, carrying my bags, taking the bins out, paying the bill and fetching me coffee. I love that charm and I think it's only logical that they do this.

Equality

One day in my younger years I was standing next to a car that needed its oil checked. I didn't fancy getting dirty hands, so I asked the first (unknown) man who came past on a bike to help me. He jumped straight off his bike to - literally - get his hands dirty for me. Men like to help women. After helping me, he hopped back on his bike with a smile - and dirty hands. Proud and happy that he had been able to do something for me, his masculinity affirmed for a moment. What's wrong with that? I'm happy, he's happy.

It's a shame that over time an atmosphere has developed in which it seems women wouldn't want this. What's more, men these days hardly dare to pay a woman a compliment, because heaven forbid it should be taken as sexist. And all of that in the name of equality. But courtesy and giving compliments have nothing to do with it.

I don't feel inferior to a man for a second, not even when he does something for me that I can't do myself or can't be bothered to do. And I don't feel like a "sex object" when a man compliments me. Quite the opposite. I experience it as a confirmation of my femininity. I am allowed to be seductive and sexy. So why shouldn't that be acknowledged?

Feminism

I have always been allergic to "feminism" where the basis lies not in equality but in men and women being interchangeable. No! Women are not men and men are not women. We are equal but not interchangeable. We are allowed to be different and there is nothing wrong with that. I actually enjoy being treated courteously by a man, in the sense of being spoiled, in all kinds of ways.

Not because I'm too proud to do things myself (okay, except for dirty hands), but because it's lovely to be spoiled. I adore courtesy. I always have. However, with the arrival of the "Dolle Mina's" (and all of today's wokeness) this no longer seems to be allowed. Courtesy seems to be becoming a scarce commodity, which is a real loss.

Could I live without it?

So could I live without it? No. I would have to amputate myself somehow, cut my Femdom experience out of me. Although I also have no idea which part that would even be, because it runs through my veins. Another question might be: could I live without actively practising BDSM? Preferably not, I'll be honest. I really enjoy seeing a man suffer in front of me. Mentally or physically. I laugh when I see him crawling around, writhing, or spontaneously ending up in the foetal position (from the pain). I enjoy it, it gives me a lot of positive energy. But...

Yes, there is one very big BUT. I can only do this because there is another side to me as well. A warm, nurturing, loving and empathetic side. And that side deserves to be there just as much. That's why I love cuddling in between the torments. Seeking contact with each other on a different level. That is my balance, one can't exist without the other. I would be very unhappy otherwise. So I couldn't do without that side either.

I am what I am. Dominant, sadistic, empathetic, loving and nurturing. And as long as that is in the right balance, as it has been for years, I am incredibly happy every day. So the honest answer to that one question: "No, I can't do without it, because it is an essential part of my whole being. And if I had to, I would be completely out of balance..."

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Image: Art of Pictures