Myths and Misconceptions about Femdom

“Myths and Misconceptions about Femdom” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

When I'm somewhere and it "happens" to come up, I let people know (including outside the BDSM scene) that I'm "into Femdom". I don't flaunt it, but I won't deny my lifestyle either. Or I have to do it to protect someone else who, sadly, can't be as open about it. After all, society has an opinion about Femdom. Which is a bit odd, because chances are that the person with the biggest prejudices knows the least about what Femdom is really like to experience. Hence a blog about the myths and misconceptions about Femdom and/or Female Supremacy.

Curious questions

Fortunately, my own experience is a positive one. When I talk about Femdom somewhere, I usually (perhaps even "always") get genuinely curious questions. General questions, but also very specific ones. Sometimes people are genuinely glad to have found someone they can ask their questions. Questions they have often been carrying around for a long time. But then, who do you ask?

Myth 1: Femdom is only about leather, whips and smouldering looks

Nonsense, of course, but it is the image people often have. It is also the image you mostly see in porn videos. The dominant woman in a tight leather outfit with a whip in her hand, barking strict orders while her 'subject' crawls and licks her heels. Reality is often far more nuanced. Yes, leather and whips can be part of a Femdom experience, but they are certainly not the core of what it can involve.

The foundation of Femdom lies in the dynamic in which the woman takes the lead. That can happen in hundreds of ways, of which whips are just one example. And taking the lead works perfectly well in jeans or a floral dress. You don't need leather trousers for that. Sometimes, though, "the looks" can certainly be reinforcing. And a whip can just as easily be replaced by mental torment, purely to take the sub further. To let them surpass themselves.

Myth 2: Only women with an iron will can be dominant

Rubbish. Because the true Femdom Lady really doesn't have to walk through life like an ice princess, armed or not with a wooden ruler. She really doesn't have to look angry or haughty all the time either. In fact, I laugh all day long. Why not? Does that make me a lesser Femdom Lady? As if there were degrees to it. So, no. I was simply born dominant.

It's not something I switch on or off. But it doesn't mean I have to go through life like some kind of Iron Lady. Believe me, people listen to me just as well with a smile (perhaps even better). Femdom is about being authentic (daring/being able to) and discovering your own style of dominance. For me, that's with a soft voice and a warm smile.

For you, it may be with charm, humour, or perhaps more authority. It's all fine! And let's not forget: being dominant doesn't mean you may never doubt, show emotions or make mistakes. Everyone has a moment when they think: "Wait, how did this go again?" Femdom Ladies are simply human too. We are just, for the most part, "in control".

Myth 3: Submissive men are weak or inferior

This is perhaps the most harmful myth surrounding Femdom. It is often assumed that submissive people, usually men, are weak, helpless types who swallow everything their dominant partner serves up. This image not only does men a disservice, but also the wonderful dynamic that can develop in a Femdom relationship.

A submissive partner consciously chooses to surrender to the dominant partner's leadership, each from their own strength. It is not a matter of weakness, but of strength and trust. And be honest: it takes quite a bit of courage to make yourself vulnerable and explore your limits. Moreover, in everyday life many submissive men are often strong, successful people who enjoy precisely the balance that a Femdom relationship offers them.

Myth 4: Femdom is purely sexual

Sex can play a role within Femdom, but it is certainly not the most important aspect. Femdom can just as well revolve around emotional connection, spiritual growth or even practical agreements in daily life. Think of a partner who is responsible for the housekeeping, not because he 'has to', but because it contributes to the dynamic that works for both.

What many people don't realise is that Femdom is often very loving. It can be about seeing and appreciating each other in the purest form. About caring and mutual respect, wrapped in a dynamic that is just a little different from the standard picture. It is about balance and communication. Something that would be more than welcome in some non-Femdom relationships.

Myth 5: Everyone who does Femdom is “weird”

The word “weird” is rather subjective. What one person finds strange is completely normal to another. The funny thing is that Femdom is actually not that unusual at all when you look at it up close. Many aspects of it, such as playing with power and surrender, also occur in traditional relationships, albeit often unconsciously.

What makes Femdom special is that it is done consciously and openly. Agreements are made, limits are discussed and desires are shared. Is that really so weird? Or is it perhaps a form of maturity that we can all learn something from?

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Image: BDSMforyou