TPE or Total Power Exchange

“TPE, or Total Power Exchange,” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

I think TPE is BDSM taken to the extreme, especially if you take this concept literally. TPE is an acronym that stands for “Total Power Exchange,” also known as COO (Complete Irrevocable Submission). Loosely translated into English, it means “complete control or shift of power.” In TPE, you relinquish control; in the case of a D/s relationship, this means that the sub relinquishes complete control to his dominant. The word “Total” therefore implies absolutely everything. This can mean that the dominant decides what time the sub goes to sleep, what he eats, what he wears, how he spends his day, and so on.

Time-consuming

Of course, there will always be people who adhere to such an extreme form. I have actually heard a dominant tell her sub what time he had to go to bed that evening, but I have no idea if she’s that strict about it every night. It’s quite a commitment, and I don’t just mean for the sub. For the dominant, too, this is a pretty intense type of relationship. Deciding everything is quite time-consuming; it’s practically a full-time job. Is that really desirable?

24/7 or TPE

TPE is sometimes replaced by the term 24/7, which signifies that the D/s dynamic is a continuous process and not a temporary game. How TPE or 24/7 is practiced is a personal choice for everyone. TPE is not cheap modern-day slavery; after all, it is (if done right) a covenant that both parties support. After all, consensus is a key aspect of BDSM; if that were absent, it wouldn’t be TPE, and in that case, it would indeed be modern slavery or pure oppression.

Different degrees

So it’s not surprising that there are different degrees within BDSM, and everyone will interpret this term in their own way. For some, TPE means completely surrendering freedom and the right to make one’s own decisions; for others, it might be a bit less strict. TPE is intense and requires a lot of self-control from both parties – and is only suited for a select few.

Over time, things can also evolve and change. This applies to a TPE relationship as well. Perhaps some aspects become even stricter, or perhaps the opposite occurs. Ultimately, it’s all about people, and people can change, grow, or perhaps face physical limitations that make certain things no longer possible. It is therefore a continuous process that sometimes requires adjustment.

Exceptions

As I just mentioned, for some people, a Total Power Exchange might indeed apply (with the emphasis on “Total”), but those are exceptions. In most relationships that claim to be TPE, “Total” is usually not quite so “Total” and is limited to the most important aspects. For example, rules regarding a healthy lifestyle, chastity control, input on clothing choices, and setting clear guidelines on what is or isn’t desirable. The exchange of power is generally determined by the Dominant, but only with a sub who also finds this desirable.

Deepening the Role

Sometimes a form of TPE slowly creeps into a D/s relationship. The Dominant already determines a great deal in such a relationship, and that role can be deepened further and further. I’ll give an example; in this case, it concerns my slave’s clothing.

When I first met her, she dressed quite masculinely. Her clothes did not flatter her at all and failed to highlight her beautiful feminine curves. It was as if she didn’t allow herself to be attractive. The first agreement I made with her in this regard was that she had to submit every item of clothing she wanted to purchase to me for approval. She was only allowed to make a purchase after I gave my approval. Without my approval, she was no longer allowed to buy any clothing. This was later expanded to include fashion advice, and gradually her style became more feminine.

After a few months, the next step was taken: she had to start wearing skirts and dresses more often. She found that quite difficult at first because it made her – in her view – more vulnerable. As if, in a pretty dress, she couldn’t stand up to the men at work. Now she wears a dress or skirt to work at least 2 to 3 days a week, and when she’s with me on the weekends, she has to wear dresses or skirts the entire weekend.

But why?

Well, you might wonder why this is so important—why can’t she just wear pants if she wants to? Of course, I don’t do this without reason; I certainly have a reason for it. When I first met her, my slave was a bit of a wallflower, and she masked her insecurity with semi-tough behavior and a masculine look. Through our D/s relationship, she has grown increasingly confident in her own strength and no longer needs that “surrogate toughness.” She is allowed to simply be beautiful and radiate self-confidence.

It happened in small steps, but she has certainly come a long way. So she didn’t have to wear those skirts and dresses just because I like them; I wanted her to do this for herself to discover that things could be different. That femininity has nothing to do with vulnerability. And sometimes it’s easier to take those steps with someone by your side to guide you. The skirts and dresses were merely a tool to (re)discover the strength within herself.

She has grown tremendously in this regard; it’s wonderful to see. She enjoys the attention and the compliments; she notices that she’s even taken more seriously at work now (because, after all, we live in a society where appearance matters).

Let her shine

Is the fact that I initially made these choices for her a bad thing? I don’t think so. Especially not because I see how she has grown and how much she ultimately enjoys it. Sometimes you need someone who helps you bite through that bitter pill, someone who looks just a little beyond the surface and sees the true core. Someone who can and wants to let you shine. As contradictory as it may sound, this TPE has actually made her more independent, because she has come to rely much more on her own strength.

This is just one example of a single aspect, but TPE – or a form of TPE – can, of course, be applied in all sorts of ways, including positively, precisely to help the other person grow.

Can it be harmful?

Can it never be harmful? Of course it can. That applies to everything; you can take it too far and strip the other person of any sense of responsibility. That is never good. It starts with the intention behind your actions. Are you doing something for yourself? Or are you doing it to help the other person transcend themselves, to help them grow? That is precisely where the problem lies. Because if you’re doing it for yourself – for example, by making the other person so dependent on you that they no longer have the freedom to make fundamental choices (like staying or leaving) – then TPE can certainly be harmful. But if you approach it in a good, serious, and selfless way, wonderful things can come out of TPE.

More information

24/7 – What does 24/7 mean?
BDSM – Theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com