Is it BDSM, fetish, kinky, or just sex?

“Is it BDSM, fetish, kinky, or just sex?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

For some, BDSM is part of sex; others cringe when you mention BDSM and sex in the same sentence. So many people, so many opinions. It all depends on how you look at it and how you experience it. Some people love sexual acts during an experience, while others don’t need them at all. It’s all fine. You shape your own experience, together with your dominant or sub. There’s no one way; there’s only your way. And does it really matter whether it’s called vanilla sex, kinky sex, or BDSM? And who exactly sets the boundaries here?

BDSM as a Mental Experience

For some, sex is completely separate from the BDSM experience and is primarily experienced as an intense, often mental experience. For example, one person might view CBT as an erotic act, while another sees it as a form of punishment or a “fun thing to do” unrelated to sexuality. Some dominants find sexual acts “servile” and therefore unsuitable during a D/s experience, while others actually love to fully use the other person for their own pleasure.

Incidentally, release can happen in multiple ways; it doesn’t necessarily require an orgasm. Tears or screaming can also be a beautiful way to release.

Kinky Sex & BDSM

Where is the line between kinky sex and BDSM? And who draws that line? Is a spank on the butt part of BDSM, or does it still fall under kinky sex? And those fluffy handcuffs? Or that blindfold? Is that actually BDSM, or could it just be exciting vanilla sex?

Personally, I’m not really into labels, and of course it doesn’t matter at all what you call it. If you both enjoy it, it doesn’t need a name. Besides, it all depends on what the other person evokes in you, so your perspective can vary from person to person.

Occasional BDSM-er

Some people do make a distinction between fetish, kink, and BDSM. They believe that a kink is meant to enhance intimacy between partners, while a fetish serves as a substitute for intimate interactions with a partner. And if you’re not a lifestyle BDSM-er, then you’re just kinky, or an “occasional BDSM-er.”

Diagram: sex – kink – fetish – BDSM

In this diagram, I’ve tried to distinguish between the different concepts. However, you’ll see that there are no hard and fast boundaries; it all actually blends together a bit. And that’s fine, because what does it matter what something is called? As long as you can enjoy it (safely and within the agreed-upon boundaries).

More information

Fetish & Kinks – Theme Page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com