Why is a visit to a Mistress so expensive?

“Why is a visit to a Mistress so expensive?” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Today I stumbled upon another gem on Facebook. It’s the same old question: “Why is a visit to a Mistress so expensive?” I’d like to provide a comprehensive answer once and for all, so that in every future discussion I can simply share a link to this blog. That will save me not only a lot of time, but above all a lot of frustration. Because what actually counts as expensive? And isn’t “expensive” a very relative term? And aside from that, do you have any idea what this rate is based on? Probably not, so I’d be happy to explain it to you.

The Difference Between Private Play Sessions

Many subs who approach me prefer to apply for the role of “private sub.” This is synonymous with: “unpaid.” Because that feels so genuinely good… I never really get that, because as a person I’m not schizophrenic – I’m just me. Whether it’s a paid session or a private play session, there’s no difference in my play. Except for the fact that in private I do much more as I please, whereas in a paid session, I always take a sub’s no-gos into account.

These “submissive applicants” apparently assume that it costs my private sub and slave nothing. I can put an end to that myth right here and now. My private sub and slave don’t pay for “a session,” but for many other things. My sub, for example, bought an entire house for me to turn into a playhouse. BecauseI want that.

He’s into humiliation himself; he doesn’t need all that fuss. He does this for me because I enjoy it. And my slave comes by every two or three weeks on average, with bags full of gifts she knows will make me happy. Not because I ask for them, but because she wants to treat me, loves to spoil me, and doesn’t take a play session for “granted”. And when we try out a new game, she makes sure all the necessary supplies are ready beforehand.

But indeed, they don’t pay for a session. However, at the end of the day, they’d be much better off if they did limit themselves to that.

And how expensive is expensive, really?

My hourly rate is 250 euros per hour. And of course that seems like a lot of money, and for many people it is a lot of money. Many people think: “Nice quick cash.” But if you look closer, it’s all a bit less rosy than it seems. Because quite a few costs come out of this amount – costs you might not immediately think about. I get that, because you’d much rather be thinking about all the exciting things a Dominatrix could do with you. But since we’re having such a nice chat here, I’m going to lay them out for you anyway. We’ll save those steamy moments for another time.

What needs to be paid from the hourly rate?

This hourly rate includes 21% VAT, because the tax authorities know how to track down a Mistress just as well as you do. So she, too, gets a blue envelope on her doormat every quarter with a request to “pay the VAT.”

To handle this as smoothly as possible every quarter, she likely uses an accountant as a self-employed professional, so she can be sure everything is properly taken care of. And yes, that accountant has to be paid too. So he, too, neatly bills her for his hours.

To conduct the session, an external professional space is rented, or a Mistress uses her own studio. The rent is steep, and the furnishings even steeper. Those costs are also deducted from “that enormously expensive hourly rate.”

Of course, you expect to be greeted by a Mistress in a sexy outfit, perhaps in leather or latex. The cost of such an outfit can easily run into a few hundred euros. And if you visit more often, you naturally want to see a different outfit each time. So a typical Mistress isn’t satisfied with just one sexy outfit. Don’t forget the costs of personal grooming, because you certainly don’t want a slob as a Mistress. Think, for example, of: a weekly visit to the tanning salon, a trip to the nail salon every three weeks, and monthly visits to the pedicurist and hairdresser. Also, be sure to set aside money for nylons, makeup, lingerie, perfume, and skincare products. In short, maintaining a presentable and well-groomed appearance comes at a considerable cost.

Then, of course, there are travel and parking expenses. Those are also deducted from that hourly rate. And The Hague has some pretty steep parking rates.

Don’t forget the costs for consumables, such as: lubricant, disinfectants, condoms, cleaning products, latex gloves, and so on.

Out of sight, out of mind, so a Pro Domme needs to promote herself, for example through her own website, social media, and (paid) ads on Kinky or Sexjobs. This involves not only costs but also a lot of time (unpaid hours).

Of course, you want to be able to view beautiful photos of the Mistress on that website and social media channels. After all, you want to know what you’re booking. Any idea how expensive a professional photographer is?

Then there are the BDSM props – the many toys used to cater to all those diverse desires and fetishes. From an affordable anal plug (preferably ranging from tiny to beastly large) to an exorbitantly expensive whip made of soft kangaroo leather.

Of course, you want an experienced Mistress, because you do want to suffer, but naturally you don’t want to sustain permanent injury. And even though you know there are always risks associated with BDSM, it must, of course, be a calculated risk. So you want someone who is experienced and knows what she’s doing. But experience also comes at a cost – think, for example, of the costs of workshops, training, time, literature, and so on.

Don’t forget the time needed to prepare for and wrap up a session. Think, for example, of the preliminary discussions via phone, email, or app, grooming, aftercare, and cleaning. But also long-term maintenance, such as caring for leather, latex, and ropes.

It’s important to realize that a Mistress’s work isn’t assembly-line work, where you can clock in an average of about 38 billable hours per week. That’s not sustainable in terms of time, but also emotionally and physically.

Oh, and wait… even though sex work is legal in the Netherlands, as a sex worker you don’t accrue a pension, and you’re not insured in case of illness and/or disability. So those costs are simply on the Mistress as well.

On top of that, with a Pro Domme, you can expect her to be professional, with discretion assured and safety guaranteed.

Start saving!

So maybe next time, when you start a pathetic and theatrical discussion about “how a session with a Mistress is so terribly expensive” and “whether it can’t be a little cheaper, because…” (make up some bullshit excuse), read this blog first and then ask yourself if it really is that expensive. Or if, in proportion, it’s actually dirt cheap. And if you still can’t afford it because you simply don’t have the budget, don’t place that responsibility on the Pro Domme (who would then have to do it cheaper), but pull yourself together and just start saving for it. Until you can afford a good Mistress. Be willing to make a sacrifice; this is about a unique experience, not a cheese sandwich.

And if you still believe it should be free because you want to experience it so “real,” try turning the question around. Why would a good Mistress want to spend time on you? Why would she want to share her fully – often costing many thousands of euros – furnished studio/playroom with you? And why would a session be any less “real” if you pay for it?

What have you done for her to deserve this?

I can give you the answer to that last question: Nothing. Not a single damn thing. Nothing. Nope. Nada. Why should she then give you the ultimate gift?

And yes, there’s a lot of chaff among the wheat, certainly among the Mistresses too (like the Alie-variant between the clothes racks or sliding doors). I’ll admit that without a doubt. But that applies to both sides. There are at least just as many sucking, energy-draining, faking, wannabe subs who think they’re “entitled to everything.” Do take a critical look at yourself for once, before you start another one of those “fun” non-discussions on Facebook or whatever platform.

There. That. Feels. Better.

More information

An appointment with a Mistress: how do you prepare?
Commercial BDSM – Theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com