Online domination: tips & tricks for a virtual BDSM experience

“Online domination: tips & tricks for a virtual BDSM experience“ is written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Of course you would prefer to do everything live (I certainly would!), to have your hands in it yourself. But that is not always possible, and not for everyone. There can be various reasons why you are sometimes (or always) limited to dominating online. But how do you go about it? And what options do you have to still make it an intense experience? The two most important things you need are:

A. Enjoyment of dominating
B. A big dose of creativity

If you take care of that, I will take care of a handful of playful and handy tips & tricks in this blog!

Online domination

In a world where so much happens online, where you can explore the whole world with a single click, it is not surprising that BDSM experiences are sometimes enjoyed online too. Online domination, the art of controlling and submitting through a screen, is on the rise. This trend began during the Covid period, when sex workers faced all kinds of restrictions that meant they could not give live sessions. Platforms such as Loyalfans got a real boost back then. After all, if Mohammed can't go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed. And that is exactly what happened. But because of that necessary shift from live to online, it is not surprising that - even after the restrictions disappeared - a lot of "online sessions" still take place.

A good online Dominant

Just as in live sessions, you don't become a good online Dominant overnight. It takes practice, training and experience. And the more you have, the better it will go. After all, BDSM is about more than a sexy outfit.

Everything revolves around words: what you say and the energy you give your words. Your gaze, your posture, but above all your conviction. Doubt is fatal. So your words must come out of your mouth considered and full of confidence. If you doubt your own credibility, the other person will too.

Immerse yourself in the mental side of BDSM. Understand the deeper layers and learn to read what something does to the other person. Be honest with each other and make good agreements. Know what the other person longs for. And if you want to become a good online Dominant, that takes time. Because just like a live session, online it is also essential to be empathetic, decisive, convincingly dominant, creative, caring, attentive, warm, strong, powerful and persuasive.

Why online?

In itself that is not so strange, because carrying out tasks at home - in your own familiar space - for that sexy Dominant Lady is of course much safer than when you are standing in front of her. You also have control over the amount of pain... And for the married subs among us, online domination feels a little less like cheating.

For Dominant Ladies, online domination is all about convenience. No travel time, no hassle with parking, and you can sit in your most terrifying dominant pose while the washing machine is running downstairs. It offers flexibility: you can fit a session in between the shopping and your dinner. It is also a great way to explore new dynamics without immediately jumping in at the deep end. Ideal for beginners, or for those who want to test their limits safely.

Online versus live

Admittedly, online lacks something you do get in real life: the physical energy, the smell (of fear), the unmistakable tension that hangs in the air when someone actually kneels before you, or puts the handcuffs on you while she looks down at you. For some people that is a great loss. Non-verbal communication can also be harder through a screen. A raised eyebrow or a subtle breath can say an enormous amount live, while online it is easily lost among the pixels.

Online domination is not a replacement for live sessions, but it can be a supplement. It requires different skills, but also offers unique possibilities. Whether you are a seasoned Dom(me) or a curious beginner, the digital world is open to you.

Connection lost

Online is still a little different from live. In live sessions it is often about the bond between a Dominant and a sub. Online, though, it is usually more fleeting. Sometimes depth is not needed at all and the sub mainly comes for humiliation, and as soon as he has reached a climax, it's over. He may well hit the "off button" straight away. No aftercare needed. The connection is cut and that's that.

This is something you really need to be aware of as an online Dominant. It is precisely the anonymity of online that makes the sub much more focused on himself. So once he has received what he came for, it's over. Make sure that you are not the one left behind with a hangover... Because such an abrupt ending can feel quite empty and used.

The advantages

Still, there are advantages to this way of experiencing BDSM. Online, for example, you can keep your anonymity much better if you wish. Ideal for people who prefer to keep their kink private.

There is also always someone available. Live that can sometimes be difficult, but online there is always someone to be found 24/7 who wants to dominate you online. The web is worldwide, after all, and there really is someone online somewhere in the world.

With online domination, you as a sub have much more in your own hands. You can simply pause, sound the alarm, carry out a task less intensely, and if it gets too hot for you, you just end the connection. That is a lot easier than walking away from a session when you are tied to a St Andrew's cross.

The disadvantages

Yes, of course there are some. As a Dominant, for example, you cannot step in if something threatens to go wrong. And what about a poor WiFi signal in the heat of the moment... "What did you say? Crawl... into a corner? Or... take off your trousers? Or...?" Neither side is happy about that.

But the biggest loss is of course the intensity of live contact. The touch, the feeling, the experiencing, the letting go, the control, the smell, the sound, the glance, and let's be honest, the whip in the hand of a Dominant Lady really makes more impact on your skin than when you are waving a little flogger around yourself. Really hurting yourself is quite a thing, after all...

Tips & tricks for the online Dominant

If you want to dominate well online, your words in particular will be your "weapons". After all, you have to convince the other person that he is going to do something for you and/or give him the feeling that fits the experience. Online domination therefore requires an extensive, suitable vocabulary, a pleasant voice and a convincing attitude. After all, you can't give someone an immediate lesson with a good whip if he doesn't listen straight away.

Practise beforehand and check that all the electronics work properly. Experiment with video, audio, chat, and even apps that give you remote control over devices. Yes, they exist, and they are especially handy within Findom.

Discuss boundaries and expectations in advance. Everything stands or falls with good communication. Before and after. Which punishments can be used, for example? Which no-gos do you need to take into account?

Also try to meet up live now and then, so that the online experience can become more intense.

Agree on how you want to be addressed and make sure the sub sticks to it consistently. Also let him know in advance how much time you have available and stick to it. Are you doing it for payment? Fine, but then be clear about that straight away. No payment, no online session.

Keep it enjoyable for yourself and don't do things that go beyond your own limits.

Inspiring tasks

Have your sub carry out a series of chores around the house while you watch via the camera. Think of cleaning your way, or holding a specific position.

Have your sub dress (or undress) according to your instructions, and have him present himself as if he is walking down a catwalk.

Use only hand gestures or looks via the camera to direct your sub. No words allowed.

Send small tasks by message throughout the day. Simple, but powerful.

Role play lends itself perfectly to a virtual BDSM experience.

The sub can spank himself as punishment (make sure everything he needs for this is ready).

Above all, have him send plenty of photos and videos with his tasks.

Clothes pegs work perfectly well online.

Orgasm control does too, by the way.

There are toys that can be controlled remotely. Definitely make use of these! That way you hold the reins even from a distance.

Send him on a special errand...

Give your sub a task with a tight deadline. The pressure of time can heighten the tension.

Act out scenarios via chat or video, such as interrogations, job interviews or role plays with specific characters.

Give your sub a task without explaining why. Only after completion do you reveal the purpose behind it.

Have your sub keep a diary in which he describes his feelings, thoughts and experiences with the tasks. You decide how detailed it has to be.

Have your sub carry out tasks while he can only hear your voice, without visual contact. This can strengthen focus and obedience.

Think up creative punishments that can be carried out online, such as staying in an uncomfortable position for a long time or writing reflection reports.

Make use of a jar of specific online tasks. If you run out of ideas for a moment, you simply grab a card from the jar.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com