The erosion and destruction of BDSM

“The Erosion and Destruction of BDSM” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

But fortunately, we alone are responsible for letting the sun shine in our lives…

For me, BDSM—and Femdom in particular—is the superlative form of love. In all my vanilla relationships, I felt like I was missing something fundamental—deeper layers, or feel free to call it the true essence. So I ended the relationship and continued my search. I believed in something; I had a goal: to find that one person with whom I could go deeper than with anyone else. I wasn’t willing to settle for anything less.

Found

After searching for about 30 years, I finally found it. And believe me, I had to stumble and climb my way there many times. It certainly wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter – just as nothing has ever been handed to me on a silver platter. I’ve had to fight for everything. And that’s okay, because it’s made me strong – it’s given me the tools to sink my teeth into something and keep going until I achieve the desired result.

I never lost my courage. I was certain it existed, and I was determined to find it. It took quite a few years, but in hindsight, finding it sooner had never been an option. After all, I still had a path of my own to walk. How could I possibly recognize anything, when I was looking out at the world with a blindfold I’d tied on myself?

Loving Embrace

Not being able to find it had partly to do with becoming whole. The loving embrace of myself as a whole. Both the empathetic, loving, and warm side of myself, as well as the dominant and sadistic side. And that dominant and sadistic side – I had despised and pushed it aside for many, many years. It wasn’t allowed to exist, because that’s not how women are supposed to be, right? So I stuffed my dominance away as best I could and tried to display socially acceptable behavior. As a result, I kept running into “the wrong” people. Only after I had fully accepted myself (you can read about this process in my first book Jay, A Mistress’s Quest) did the path open up, and it didn’t take long before I was indeed able to experience that one special love. And fortunately, he’s still here, and he’s still the best.

As I wrote in the intro, BDSM is, for me, the superlative form of love. To the outside world, it might seem as though I’m some kind of man-hater and that I therefore torture men (and sometimes women too). But nothing could be further from the truth. I love men – or rather, “I love people.” When someone stands before me, I often sense what they need to regain their balance. When I coach people, I quickly sense where the real pain or blockage is hidden. And that’s where BDSM is so wonderfully useful. It can bring you back into balance and, as a result, even have a healing effect. That is the true power (and beauty) of BDSM…

A lot of energy

And sometimes that takes an enormous amount of energy from me, especially with strangers, where I sometimes need a lot of energy to get through to someone in a short time; through all the mental layers of protection. Sometimes I need several days to recover, to recharge. That’s why I only schedule very few (commercial) sessions. Maybe I have an average of just one session a month. But this special power – that, to me, is BDSM. When I see the difference between a stressed-out slave before a BDSM experience and a blissfully smiling slave after the experience, that is a wonderful reward.

And how wonderful I find it when, through my dominant support, a sub transcends herself, in whatever area. That is surely the most beautiful thing you can do as a Dominant lady or Mistress; bringing out the best in the other person. Wow!

Erosion and Devastation

And then I look around and I see the brutal erosion of the scene. The tsunami of beggar girls (who think they’re real FinDoms), who call every man a loser – preferably with accompanying middle fingers – to shake a few euros out of their pockets. It has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM and certainly not with FinDom. They barely realize what they’re doing, yet proudly call themselves “Goddesses” with captions where more words are misspelled than spelled correctly.

Then there are the many “content queens,” who dress up in ultra-sexy outfits and make videos (for their OnlyFans account) of their “dominant acts.” Unfortunately, these acts are mostly limited to pegging, giving blowjobs with a strap-on, facesitting, and accepting gifts. In every video, it’s clear to see how they’re mainly turned on by themselves. What does this have to do with BDSM? Nothing. It barely rises above kinky sex.

I classify both the beggar girls and the content queens as “hunters,” because that’s what they do. They hunt for men’s bank accounts. And they believe they’re primarily entitled to the numbers in those accounts. Why do they think that? No idea. In any case, not because of their excellent command of the Dutch language.

Wannabees & Willers

And on the other hand, the many “wannabees” or “willers.” I deliberately don’t call them subs or slaves because I think that’s far too much of an honor. It’s a category that mainly consists of people who “want” a lot, preferably without any form of reciprocity. The “willers” mainly believe that they (just like the hunters) are entitled to everything and think that you (usually the Dominant Lady) should just give it to them. Oh wait, my apologies, because of course they want to give “all sorts of things” in return. It’s a bit of a shame that “all sorts of things” is usually limited to their “wish list” or “list of demands.” Because that facesitting is really just for her, just like that strap-on dildo in their ass.

And it makes me sad. Because I see that the BDSM scene is being eroded further and further by this superficiality. But BDSM goes so much deeper and further than this fake world. But the real slaves get worn down by the “hunting, screaming kitchen maids” and the real Dominant Ladies (and undoubtedly also gentlemen) bite their teeth out on the many sucking yes-men.

Recent anecdote

I receive a text from a sub interested in becoming “property.” I always find that to sound rather presumptuous (and actually, I think this is the world turned upside down, because you don’t ask for that—you leave that up to the Dominant), so my alarm bells go off immediately. But okay, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, so I give him a chance. He can send me an email. So far so good, within no time I receive a sort of application email with mostly a lot of descriptions of what he’s experienced so far. With just a bit too many details, for good measure. But I’m still giving him the benefit of the doubt. So I reply and let him know what he can and cannot expect from me.

Red flags

His response: I’m currently reading your email on my knees, Mrs. Thank you so much. Kiss on your feet xxx

Once again, my alarm bells are ringing. Why on earth are you reading my email on your knees? I didn’t ask for that, so act normal! Just sit on a chair or a couch – that’s what they’re for.

Then I receive: “I really want to go for it. I’m incredibly enthusiastic. You mentioned you’d prefer to lock up a sub. I actually want to beg you if this is allowed. This has been a big wish of mine for a long time. So I definitely want to go for it”

The alarm goes off for the third time. I ignore his pleading, because why would I want to lock up this stranger? Feel free to keep rambling on for a while,I don’t care. As long as you aren’t “my property,” I honestly couldn’t care less what you do with that thing. Besides, chastity control is mainly about what I want, not what the other person wants. And can someone explain to me what fun it is for me to lock up a stranger’s cock?

First Assignment

However, I’m in a good mood – and unfortunately, the pool of good subs isn’t that deep – so I want to give him a chance anyway, despite three red flags. I’m assigning him to order my two latest e-books: What is BDSM? and How to Become a Good Femdom Sub. On the one hand, this lets me see if he’s willing to make an effort (2 x 15 euros, a modest expense), but what I find most important is that these e-books will allow him to thoroughly familiarize himself with my stance on BDSM – and specifically Femdom. What my perspective is and what I value in a Femdom sub. So, this is golden information if you really want to become someone’s property. Property, you know – that’s a step higher than sub or slave.

He replies: “Understood, Mrs. I’m on my way now, but I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve ordered them. I’d very much like to surrender my freedom to you, Mrs.”

And then it goes quiet, and it stays quiet for another 13 hours. And then I finally just pull the plug myself. No chance. Absolutely no chance. Just like those hundreds of thousands of other wishers.

Straighten my back

And me? I sharpen my teeth, straighten my back, and write my way through this chaos, doing my absolute best to post an informative or inspiring blog every day on BDSMforyou.nl, MeesteresMoriah.nl, or Femdom-Lifestyle.nl. I come up with new playful ideas, like the recently launched Slaventraining.nl. I write informative books (How to Become a Good Mistress, Jay, A Mistress’s Quest, More BDSM, I love Femdom, 24 hour, The Superlative of Love Is Called BDSM), The path to loving BDSM, Sissy training and e-books (What Is BDSM, How to Become a Good Femdom Sub), I occasionally give a BDSM workshop, and will soon be launching online BDSM e-learning courses – and hopefully I’ll find the time to start a podcast.

I do this because I think it’s CRUCIAL to spread the word about the deeper layers of BDSM and keep it alive. And my way of doing BDSM doesn’t have to be your way of doing BDSM—it can truly be as different as night and day, because it’s precisely important to walk your own path in this, but… whatever way suits you, true BDSM goes beyond the superficiality of the hunters and the wishers.

And this loving sharing of BDSM knowledge is my, self-imposed, mission. It takes me many hours every day, and no, it barely yields anything in the end. If you were to divide the income by the many hours spent, I’m 100% certain you wouldn’t get out of bed for it. And you’d be right.

But I am a Femdomlady with a mission and I will do everything in my power to continue spreading the true essence of BDSM – and Femdom in particular. Because something so special must never be lost in the erosion and destruction of BDSM.

Enjoy the day. And above all, let the sun shine within you. Know that there are many people who hope to find the same thing as you and I. The only question is, how do we find each other?

More information

The ability to improvise!
The Psychological Aspects of BDSM – Themepage

Source

Text & image: Mistress Moriah