The ability to improvise!

“The ability to improvise!” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Those who have regularly read my blogs or books, or who have attended one of my workshops, know that I believe it’s important to keep BDSM close to yourself and to follow your own path in this. After all, no two Dominants are the same, nor are any two submissives. This means that every BDSM play is different, based on the energy of the Dominant, the energy of the submissive, and the energy of the moment.

Because that last point is important too. A BDSM experience can vary from day to day. For example, because you’re tired, have had a rough week, or are bursting with energy thanks to that promotion or the butterflies of falling in love. Everything plays a role in how stimuli affect you and how you respond to them. That’s why the most important component of a good BDSM session is the ability to improvise!

One size fits all

There is no “one size fits all” play. Giving a few light lashes with a whip isn’t that difficult, but BDSM is so much more than that. It’s at least 50% a mental experience, getting inside the other person’s head and under their skin. There’s no trick for that. This means the ability to read the other person well, knowing what’s going on in their head, and responding to the signals they send, both verbal and nonverbal.

Kinky sex

On social media, I see a lot of videos of kinky-dressed women “taking” a sub from behind (or from the front) in all sorts of ways. One dildo is even bigger than the next. It undoubtedly looks hot to a certain audience, but let’s be honest—it doesn’t have much to do with BDSM. I’d rather describe it as “kinky sex.” Is there anything wrong with that? No, not at all. It’s just that it doesn’t have much to do with BDSM—at most, a small part of it.

Deeper layers

BDSM is about the deeper layers. Surrendering to each other, both from your own role. Fully grounded in the present moment. Silence in the mind. Back in balance. The paths to get there may differ, but the goal is almost always the same. And because every situation is different and no two moments are the same, improvisation is crucial. Because it often happens that you’ve planned something in advance, only for it to turn out completely differently in the end. That could be because of you (it just doesn’t feel quite right), it could be because of the other person (it’s not quite landing right), or there might be outside influences (the neighbor suddenly turning on a drill, the doorbell ringing at the wrong moment, or the power suddenly going out). These influences don’t necessarily mean that a BDSM moment has failed, but they do mean that a little adjustment might be necessary.

Improvising

For me, this is why I don’t overthink or plan too much in advance. Things unfold as they do, and I much prefer to let an experience “happen” rather than plan things out ahead of time. If I did that, it would feel like I’m performing a little play (that I’ve memorized beforehand). Of course, a pre-planned scenario can give you a sense of security, which is certainly helpful for the novice BDSM practitioner. As long as you don’t completely commit to that scenario and allow yourself plenty of room to deviate from it if that works out better (or feels better). And so don’t feel bad if things turned out differently than you’d planned.

Play with the objects around you

Improvisation can also involve using objects that actually serve a completely different purpose. A kitchen step stool can become a torture table, a roll of plastic wrap can create the perfect bondage setup, an electric fly swatter delivers a good electric shock, a toilet brush can roughen the skin in a humiliating way, and with a carpet beater you can really hit hard. The moment you start getting into BDSM, you really start seeing the world differently and walk through the supermarket or hardware store with a new perspective.

The world is one big magic ball that can change colors at any moment! Red, blue, purple, black…

More information

Theme Page: The Psychological Aspects of BDSM

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com