BDSM and Pregnancy
“BDSM and Pregnancy” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.
This blog post begins with a message I received on WhatsApp from a good (masochistic) friend. She’s asking this on behalf of “a friend,” and knowing her, that’s exactly what she means. I want to give her a serious answer, so I text her back, “I’ll get back to you on this soon.” I really want to take the time to think this through. Because do BDSM and pregnancy go together? Is it harmful? And what are the things you need to watch out for?
Before I continue, however, I want to make one thing clear from the start. I am not a doctor or a midwife; what I’m going to write in this blog is based purely on my common sense, my knowledge of pregnancy from my “vanilla” job, and my experience within the BDSM community. I actually think this is a really important question, and I find it surprising how little information there is on the subject.
BDSM and Pregnancy
When you’re pregnant, you naturally want the very best for your baby. The “pregnancy bliss” websites tell you all about the do’s and don’ts, what you should definitely do (take folic acid early on) and what you absolutely must avoid (alcohol, drugs, raw meat, etc.). Most sites for new parents can even tell you whether sex is harmful during pregnancy.
The answer to that, by the way, is: “No, as long as your water hasn’t broken or there’s another medical reason, sex won’t hurt you”. In fact, the unborn baby also enjoys an orgasm. They’ll experience this as a nice massage. So there’s nothing wrong with it. But what about BDSM and pregnancy? Because you won’t find a single thing about that!
Hormones and BDSM
So a lot will come down to using your common sense. No sane person would ever dream of hitting a pregnant woman on her belly. In any case, the belly isn’t the most suitable body part to really let loose on. Especially not during impact play, where the blow penetrates deeper into the body than just the skin.
There are plenty of organs you’d be better off taking into account. So hitting a pregnant woman’s belly with a stick seems like a no-go to me in any case. Don’t forget the breasts in this context either; they also play an important role during pregnancy. It’s best to give them a pass as well.
But there’s another aspect: hormones. I previously wrote a blog post about which hormones play an important role in BDSM. And when you’re pregnant, hormones also play a major role! And those are often different hormones. To what extent do these conflict with each other and could they be harmful to the baby? I really can’t give you an answer to that.
Pregnancy hormones
Is BDSM then not possible during pregnancy? Of course it is, as long as you use common sense. And there’s another important aspect. Your unborn baby benefits from a happy mother. Because he feels your emotions. This means that if you become depressed because you need BDSM and you start denying yourself that, your baby feels it too. So it’s better to find a safe way to do it, one that benefits both of you!
Keep in mind that due to all those pregnancy hormones, your body will undoubtedly react differently to pain stimuli. The amount of pain you can normally handle easypeasy might suddenly feel much more intense. This is partly because hormones form the basis of how we process pain stimuli. During pregnancy, this is disrupted by all sorts of other hormones.
You may find that something that didn’t hurt before suddenly does. You might react much more sensitively, so it’s nice if your Dominant takes this into account. For example, your nipples are much more sensitive, so there will be more sensations that feel completely different to you. It’s important for both you and your Dominant to know this. He or she can’t just assume that you can handle things exactly the same way during pregnancy as you did before. Talk to each other about this!
The hormone relaxin
Another thing to keep in mind during pregnancy: the hormone relaxin. The hormone relaxin is responsible (around week 20) for making the ligaments, including those around the pelvis, more supple and loose. This is a normal process that occurs in every pregnancy. It makes the pelvis more flexible, allowing the baby to pass through the birth canal more easily during delivery. This process, combined with the increased weight of the uterus carrying the baby, can cause discomfort if there is an imbalance between the load and the load-bearing capacity of the pelvis (pelvic instability).
What should you watch out for?
As I just mentioned, there are a few things you should watch out for. Just like that stick on the belly, there are other “play elements” you should be careful with.
Vagina
Take it easy on your vagina. If you enjoy rough sex and are used to inserting unnatural (and often made of overly hard material) large, bigger, biggest objects into your vagina, it’s best to wait until after delivery. You can still have sex, because the penis won’t puncture the amniotic sac, but I’d leave those “mega-toys” in the nightstand for now. Are you experiencing vaginal bleeding? Then contact your midwife or gynecologist immediately. A low-lying placenta is a common cause of bleeding in the second half of pregnancy.
Bondage
Love bondage? Keep in mind that after the fourth month, it’s not recommended to lie flat on your back while tied up. Your expanding uterus, with its weight, can put pressure on the vena cava. This is the main vein that carries blood from your lower body to the heart, and this can disrupt blood circulation.
Staying in a certain position (standing/lying down) for too long can be uncomfortable during pregnancy anyway. So always speak up if something doesn’t feel right. Also, don’t tie ropes around the belly.
During your pregnancy, you retain more fluid, which is something you should also take into account in bondage. You might also want to skip the collar for now, or use one that’s a notch looser.
Breathplay
I wouldn’t recommend any form of breathplay during pregnancy. Your oxygen supply is important not only for you but also for the unborn baby. Breathplay restricts oxygen flow to the mother’s brain, reducing the oxygen in her blood—and that oxygen goes directly to the baby. It’s best to postpone this activity until after childbirth.
Electro sex
Skip electro sex for now. A vibrator is fine, but it’s best to avoid using electro pulses during pregnancy.
Be gentle with your breasts
It’s not just your belly that’s important during pregnancy—don’t overlook your breasts either. They’re preparing for breastfeeding. This means that due to all those internal processes, driven by hormones, they’re much more sensitive than usual. If you normally use size XXX nipple clamps, you might only need a size S during pregnancy to achieve the same result.
It’s best not to use tight rope bondage on your breasts during pregnancy. They, too, are in constant motion to serve as an important source of nutrition later on.
Keep in mind that intense nipple stimulation can cause contractions and even (if you’re full-term) trigger labor. (source)
Don’t share toys
Of course, it’s never advisable to share your toys with others without cleaning them in between, but during pregnancy you certainly don’t want to contract any STIs, such as genital herpes. This virus can easily be transmitted through the use of each other’s toys. If this isn’t detected during pregnancy, you could pass it on to your baby. This can be dangerous.
No two days are the same
Your body is constantly changing during pregnancy, so no two days have to be the same. So stay in touch with how you feel, and before you start playing, ask yourself: “How am I feeling today?” Both physically and mentally. Because with all those hormones in your body, you might react differently emotionally too. Let those tears flow!
What do the experts say?
According to Maureen Whelihan, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist who also practices sexual medicine, it’s fine to engage in BDSM while pregnant, as long as there’s no risk to the abdomen. As long as you don’t hit the belly, and there’s no risk of falling on the belly, BDSM sex is just as safe as any other form of sex. Dr. Whelihan says that BDSM isn’t usually that dangerous, regardless of whether you’re carrying a fetus or not.
“BDSM can be anything from using a feather duster or spanking to significant sadomasochistic behavior. The definitions are very broad,” she says. “A big part of BDSM is the perception of power or submission.”
“Of course, the excitement of sex will likely increase her heart rate, but your heart rate goes up during a good orgasm,” says Dr. Whelihan. “If it’s safe for pregnant people to have an orgasm, it’s also safe for them to have exciting, blood-pumping BDSM sex.” (source)
The partner
Let’s also spare a moment for the partner… because for him or her, things will be a little different too. Understanding is needed there as well; after all, BDSM is the ultimate partnership where both roles are equally important. Talk to each other and, above all, be honest with each other. If the dominant partner finds it too intense to play with you right now, that requires understanding too.
Consult your doctor or midwife
Are you unsure? Then discuss the matter with your family doctor or midwife. They are familiar with your medical history and the progress of your pregnancy. They know what your body can handle at this stage. Every woman, every pregnant person, and every BDSM practitioner is different, so the answer is actually very specific.
But above all, use your common sense. There’s nothing wrong with BDSM during pregnancy, but do it with care and respect for the pregnancy. If necessary, try out other play elements, such as cupping (wonderfully relaxing), a nice foil bondage, body bag, exciting role-playing, anal play, wheel of pain, or mental play. There are still so many things you can enjoy!
After Childbirth
After giving birth, take all the time you need to let your body recover. You’ve accomplished an enormous physical (and mental) feat, so be kind to yourself before you dive back into the action!
A quick disclaimer
This blog is not intended to replace professional medical advice. It is important (and your responsibility) to speak with your doctor before participating in any BDSM activities while you are pregnant.
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Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: AI / BDSMforyou
