Muscular Eros turns out to be flabby Achmed. Personal responsibility first!

“Muscular Eros Turns Out to Be Flabby Achmed. Personal Responsibility First!” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Recently, there was a court case in Belgium involving a 46-year-old woman who had sued a 47-year-old man for rape. Why? Because, in reality, the muscular Eros turned out to be flabby Achmed. The woman demanded 100,000 euros in damages. According to the woman, after the date in question, she was physically and mentally broken, causing her business to go under.

Eros Turned Out to Be Achmed

The woman had met the handsome, ruggedly muscular 47-year-old Italian businessman “Eros” on Tinder and had arranged an exciting “50 Shades” rendezvous with him. This meant she would be blindfolded the moment she walked in, after which they would explore every corner of the room together. Only, Eros didn’t have the godlike physique the photos had led her to believe. In reality, he turned out to be the far from toned Achmed, married and the father of a couple of kids. A clear case of “Just call Apeldoorn…”

Only in this case, a call to Apeldoorn turned into a call to the police. The woman filed a report for rape.

Catfish phenomenon

Of course, this was – to put it mildly – not very nice of Achmed (or whatever this Moroccan man’s real name may be). But the catfish phenomenon (as it’s called) isn’t really defined in the law. The question in this case, however, is whether there was still mutual consent. Consent is a central concept that you can withdraw at any time, but can you still do so after the fact? And is there still consent if there was deception?

Fifty Shades of Grey

The plan was clear from the start. It was going to be a “Fifty Shades of Grey” scenario. She would come to his furniture store and put on a blindfold immediately upon entering. The door to the furniture store would be locked. Then the two would have sex. This woman isn’t the only one with this fantasy. “Sex with a stranger, without ever having seen each other” is on more women’s wish lists. But damn it, this is obviously asking for trouble! Anyone can pose as “Eros” or “Venus” online, but pixels are just pixels. And photos are so easy to steal—just a matter of copy-paste. Within a few seconds, anyone can pretend to be someone else.

No, it’s certainly not ethical, and it’s absolutely misleading, but if you’re 46 years old, I’d hope you know that the internet can be full of fakes. And that you apply that Marktplaats slogan: “If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.” not just on Marktplaats, but everywhere!

Personal Responsibility

Regardless of this lawsuit b- and its outcome – I cannot emphasize enough that you are ALWAYS responsible for your own body. You can never place that responsibility on someone else. Of course, you can make agreements beforehand, and BDSM is all about trust, but trust needs a foundation! You can NEVER trust someone you’ve never met. No matter how hot and exciting it all sounds.

The foundation of BDSM is the 3 S’s: Safe, Consensual, and Sensible! Because she did not act sensibly, the “S” for Safety is automatically no longer present. The entire foundation of BDSM has vanished, and what remains is a case of “dangerous kinky sex.” Because meeting up with a complete stranger and voluntarily (that much is true) putting yourself in a vulnerable position is simply not sensible. Never. Unfortunately, reports like this give BDSM a bad reputation again. But in fact, this isn’t BDSM at all; it’s a matter of recklessness driven by lust, and that’s really something else entirely.

How do you keep these kinds of fantasies as safe as possible?

You can never have guarantees, so it’s always important to think carefully about all possible consequences beforehand. That means not letting your dick or clit do the talking, but letting your brain take the lead. That’s what your brain is for. Fantasies like this can never be carried out 100% safely, for various reasons (which I won’t list here). However, you can try to minimize the risk as much as possible. For example, by:

• Choose a professional Master or gigolo (or, in the case of men, choose a professional Mistress or escort). Yes, that costs money, but your life and health are truly worth more than a few hundred euros.
• At the very least, video chat with the person beforehand to make sure the photos are actually real. Also try to verify their identity online. Are they really who they say they are? Are there people who can confirm their existence?
• Live out these kinds of fantasies with someone you’ve known for a while and whom you know you can trust.
• Play this role-playing game with your partner (if you have one, of course).
• Just don’t do it. Some fantasies are better off staying just thatv – fantasies.

What was the verdict?

Now, of course, you’re curious about the verdict. The judge ruled that there was no deception involved and acquitted the defendant. There are risks associated with online dating, and a certain degree of critical thinking can be expected from an adult.

And I agree with that. After all, you are and always will be responsible for yourself!

More information

When role-playing, how realistic should you make it?
Rape play or rape fantasy
Relationships & Roles – Theme page
Safety & hygiene – Theme page

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Photography: 123rf.com