What is a D/s or D/o?

“What is a D/s or D/o?“ was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

If you've been following along for a while, you've probably heard of a D/s or D/o. D/s or D/o stands for the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive (or a Dominant and a subordinate). In essence it is an ordinary relationship, but with a power play between the two in which the submissive has to obey the Dominant.

Everyone fills this in differently. Usually a D/s means a long-term relationship, but there are undoubtedly also people who have an occasional D/s. That means this relationship only exists during play, or during the BDSM experience.

Tailor-made

How a D/s is shaped depends on both parties and can be either polyamorous or monogamous. In some D/s relationships the dynamic is limited to the bedroom, and for others it extends beyond it.

When I look at my little stable of slaves (4 people, 3 men and 1 woman), I have a D/s relationship with all of them, but for each of them that relationship looks different. After all, it is tailor-made and not "one size fits all". With my schlemiel, as I'll call him, the "top sub", I have a "normal" relationship as well as a D/s. That means our D/s always runs like a red thread through our days. Sometimes latent and sometimes prominent. But it's not the case that he is by default kneeling in front of me, or that his sentences always end with "Yes Moriah".

Equality

I wouldn't want that at all. In practice, though, my opinion certainly plays an important role, that much is true. And during the BDSM moments he knows his place very well. Incidentally, he is into mental masochism (humiliation), which I don't always find desirable in daily life. I think equality (even within inequality) is very important in a healthy relationship. Fortunately he is mega dominant by nature and has invented and perfected stubbornness.

All different

When I look at my other little piggies, the contact with them, and so the way we shape our D/s, is different too. That has to do with all kinds of factors. Take the home situation, for example. Does someone have a partner? Does someone have a job? How much time can someone spend? What does someone need? What does someone awaken in me? So the content of the D/s is usually not determined in advance, but is discovered and filled in naturally along the way.

In advance I actually only have a few conditions for a private sub: someone must be loyal, enthusiastic, serious, a Femdom follower, have consciously chosen me and have no no-gos. When we then set off together, we'll see for ourselves which direction we take. And that is exactly why it is so important that someone has no no-gos in advance. Because often you have no idea beforehand which direction you want to go. That emerges along the way. If you rule things out in advance, you can never make surprising discoveries.

Growth and depth

A good D/s doesn't appear in the blink of an eye and is not a static whole. It takes an investment from both of you and deepening over time. Since you and your sub are not static either, the D/s evolves (if all is well) along with you. Over the years, more depth and also change develop. Certain things will have become more important or less important over time. And of course that is perfectly fine.

D/s or TPE

In fact, TPE is a superlative of a D/s. With TPE it is in any case not limited to the bedroom and it concerns a 24/7 experience. Even so, the terms are quite often used interchangeably. Especially because a pure TPE is virtually impossible, so in most cases it concerns a heavy D/s.

Different forms

The D/s therefore also includes all other forms of BDSM relationships, for example:

Baby/Mommy
Little girl/Daddy
Cuckold relationship
Play partners
Pet play
Rope partners
Top/Bottom
M/s (Master/slave or Mistress/slave)

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mrs Moriah
Image: 123rf.com