True inclusivity isn’t about inventing new labels, but about making labels unnecessary

“True inclusivity isn’t about inventing new labels, but about making labels obsolete” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

Disclaimer
I am writing this as a “white cis woman,” as they say these days. Some believe that this gives me too much “privilege” to speak about inclusivity. Yet I choose to do so. Not because I have a monopoly on the truth, but because I believe that inclusion truly exists only when every person is allowed to have a say in matters of humanity – regardless of color, gender, or background.

Protecting silos, or healing wounds?

Pointing out differences can be healing – as long as the intention is to understand, not to divide.

Yet more and more often, labels are used as a shield: to protect rather than to connect. “I am this, so you can’t say that.” Or: “If you don’t fully validate me, you’re against me.”

That attitude rarely stems from anger alone. It arises from pain. Because anyone who has ever been excluded develops a keen instinct to protect themselves. But: protection perpetuates the pain; healing makes room for connection.

Healing means daring to listen without immediately defending yourself. It means engaging in dialogue, even when something feels a bit uncomfortable. But not everything that feels uncomfortable is dangerous – sometimes it’s precisely that friction that brings awareness.

The pitfall of endless labeling

What was once meant to create space can easily become a prison. When we keep speaking in terms of cis, trans, hetero, queer, Black, white, and forget that there are simply people behind those labels – we lose sight of the essence of what equality truly is.

In the BDSM world, we know this better than anyone. Within every dynamic, it’s not about the label, but about the connection. A sub isn’t a sub without a Dominant, and a Dominant doesn’t exist without the trust of the one who surrenders. That interplay is purely human. The label describes at most the form, not the soul.

True inclusivity doesn’t arise because we learn to define who we are with even greater precision, but because we learn to see that we all feel, desire, doubt, and hope.

From defending to meeting

As long as we keep fighting to be seen through our identity, we remain in survival mode. But when we have the courage to carry that identity without struggle, something new emerges: meeting. Encounter means that you are allowed to be there, fully, with everything you are – without the other person having to feel diminished because of it. It means we don’t have to choose between “us” and “them,” but that we can recognize each other as human beings.

That requires gentleness, but also strength. It requires that we learn to listen to what lies behind the words, not just to the words themselves.

The love in the connection

In every form of BDSM, no matter how raw or tender, there is a core of love. Love for authenticity, for connection, for the truth of the moment. That is also what inclusivity should be about: the recognition that every person walks their own path, without one path being better than another.

Perhaps it’s time to dare to say something simpler again:

Not man, woman, cis, or trans.
But simply: human.

As soon as we dare to see each other as humans again, the walls disappear. And instead of constantly slapping more labels on each other, we can finally touch one another—without judgment, without fear, without struggle.

True inclusivity only emerges when we stop defending who we are and start living who we are.

More information

The ability to improvise!
The Psychological Aspects of BDSM – Themepage

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com