The bond between a Dom and a slave or sub

“The bond between a Dom and a slave or sub” was written for BDSMforyou.nl by Mistress Moriah.

The bond between a Dom and a sub (or slave) is a special one, because an intense BDSM experience requires an ultimate feeling of trust. Of course, there are many different BDSM experiences. For one person it is about arousal, for example through a particular fetish or kink. For another it is about peace of mind (letting go of reality for a while), and they want to transcend themselves. Growing in "being". Usually the goal is the same: "an ultimate feeling of relaxation and being back in balance", but the road to get there can differ. However, in every form of BDSM experience it is important that there is a feeling of trust.

For a good BDSM experience, the combination of Dom and sub matters a great deal. That is why I always say in my workshops and in my books how important it is to look for the partner who suits you! And not the partner you have to adapt yourself to. Every blueprint of "together" is different and touches different things in you. What matters here is above all that you know yourself well and know what you need to come into balance with yourself.

The bond between a Mistress and her slave or sub

With a (right) Dom you can fully give in to every side of your "being", however humiliating, perverse or extreme that may be. The Dom who is right (for you) will not judge it. She (or he) will lovingly embrace the sides you cannot always give in to in daily life, so that eventually you can do this for yourself too.

We often impose all kinds of limiting roles on ourselves, which we think we have to live up to, or which "others" think we should live up to. That can have to do with the position we hold in society, or within the family. Think of certain traits such as being responsible, problem-solving, leading, protective, dominant, caring, you name it. Because of this we often lose sight of our deeper "being" a little. Yet every person has a vulnerable core that also wants to be heard. And the bigger the roles on one side, the louder this core will call out for balance...

Trust in both directions

And it is precisely that balance that a good Dom can give you. You can imagine that what has been built up over a long(er) time requires an extreme approach to bring back into balance in a short time. This can be done through physical stimuli (such as whips, CBT, needle play), humiliation (toilet slave, objectification, findom), perversity (golden shower, coprolagnia, pegging), restriction (bondage, body bag, deprivation) or through a particular kink or fetish.

The more honest you are with each other, the more intense the BDSM experience can become (and the better you find what you long for). The Dom does not have a crystal ball and cannot look inside your head; however empathic someone may be, he or she is not clairvoyant. You need each other in this. Just as trust works in both directions. The Dom has to trust the sub just as much as the other way round. After all, a Dom also makes herself or himself vulnerable towards the sub and must be able to trust that when she or he gets it wrong (literally or figuratively, and that can really always happen, even after years of experience), the other will lovingly forgive this.

Various releases

Sometimes, as a Dom, you know more about the sub than their partner at home does. Precisely because it is so important to be honest with each other. But also because a whole range of emotions can come up during a session, expressed in screaming, cursing, swearing, but also tears or, if need be, in the form of an orgasm. Every one of them is a much-needed release.

On top of that, the contact with a Dom often goes further... he or she sometimes literally gets under your skin or plays a prominent role in your head, and that is an intense experience. That is why a good D/s dynamic matters so much. Perhaps even more than a romantic relationship.

Superficiality

Unfortunately, I also see a lot of superficiality and therefore a lot of disappointment. Subs who one day sing their Dom's praises ("Nobody is as good as You") and the next day, when something happens that they don't like, suddenly nothing is right about that "Wonderful Dom" and they are already snuggling up to someone else. Of course, this applies just as much to Doms. Who only play with a sub for as long as there is something to gain... (as Boudewijn once sang, like a storm wind playing with a single leaf in the beautiful song "A Girl of 16")

Sometimes I also hear the sad stories that subs apparently have a sell-by date. Over 60 they are suddenly a lot less interesting. Whereas BDSM really has no sell-by date.

More beautiful and more intense

So yes, a bond between a Dom and a sub can be enormously intense, and the longer it lasts, the more beautiful and intense it can become. But that absolutely demands investment from both sides, a good match, love, trust and a bond that goes beyond a price tag... And by that I don't mean you can't build an intense bond in the commercial scene, but not everything can be translated into money. Often the intensity is strengthened precisely by everything that is not paid for. Such as the contact in between, the conversations before and after a BDSM experience, genuine interest in each other, et cetera.

Mistress Moriah

Source

Text: Mistress Moriah
Image: 123rf.com